SmackDown: Back to Our Roots

Round 6: The Beginning Is the End - @Wuckster

The Beginning Is the End

by Wuckster

The Grand Imperiax Xprgh was not having a good day. He was trying to go over the fine details of the peace treaty agreement with the Lokzurian Empire and somebody had set the wrong reading glasses on his desk. All of the words appeared blurry and indistinct and it was starting to cause a massive migraine headache to kick in. 

The war between the Zargolins and the Lokzurian Empire had been raging for countless eons with both sides suffering massive losses. Through a tremendous amount of hard work and diplomacy, Xprgh had reached a cease-fire agreement with Empress T'La of the Lokzurians with plans starting to come together for a full-fledged ending to all hostilities. They were on the verge of achieving a new Golden Age of peace and prosperity. Still, trust could be a fragile thing, especially after such a relentlessly long conflict. Every minute detail of the peace treaty had to be perfect or everything could fall apart. These bloody reading glasses were not helping the situation. Also the servants had clearly only put two lumps of sugar in his coffee when it was common knowledge that he always took three. Somebody somewhere was probably trying to cut back on costs and figured he wouldn't notice the difference, but Xprgh knew. He was finely attuned to the taste of his coffee. Whoever was responsible for this travesty would soon be spending some quality time in the pit of shame.

Xprgh had just figured out a technique where if he held the glasses far enough away from his eyes with one of his tentacles, while slowly moving the document back and forth with his other tentacle, he could more or less read the treaty. It was tedious, but it worked. It seemed like it would have been even easier to just get the correct pair of reading glasses, but when questioned about this, the servants told him those were the same glasses he always used and obtaining another pair would be nearly impossible due to the ongoing war. Xprgh was pretty sure he was being gaslighted, but he couldn't prove anything. So he continued the arduous slog through the lengthy passages of legalese that made up the treaty.

He was starting to make some headway when there was a loud knock on the door, which startled him enough that he moved his tentacles and they were no longer in the sweet spot that allowed him to read. Try as he might, no matter how much he adjusted his tentacles, he couldn't seem to get back to the position he had been in and the words just looked like smeared blobs of spacehorse manure. Xprgh had left strict instructions with the guards that he was not to be disturbed, but it didn't seem like he was going to be making any more progress on the treaty at the moment, so he let out a sigh and waddled over to open the door.

"What is the meaning of this interruption? I am the Grand Imperiax and my orders are to be followed upon penalty of getting pelted with rotten woozle berries in the public square. I distinctly recall instituting a 'Do Not Disturb' order. I even hung up the little sign on the doorknob. Did it fall off or something? No, I can clearly see it's still there. So, please, enlighten me as to why my official decree is being blatantly disregarded?"

"I apologize most humbly, your great and unmatched magnficentness, sir," the guard bowed. "Captain Jlvrb has just returned from his top secret mission. You had given previous orders that you were to be notified immediately upon his arrival. I wasn't sure if the 'Do Not Disturb' order overrode the earlier order or if it was the other way around. I've actually been standing outside the door for the past forty-five minutes wondering if I should knock or not. I was still undecided, but then a big hairy insect landed on the door and I freaked out a little and I tried to squash it several times with my staff. I regret to inform you that I was not successful in this endeavor and the insect escaped. It does, however, seem to have resolved the issue of whether or not I should knock."