mayhem - damirae

two - numb

February 14th, 2018

The sound of my footsteps echoed through the empty halls of Titan's tower. The ominous feeling it gave it was wretched. I hated it.

Nobody seemed to be home, though, admittedly, it was 3 am. Nobody knew I was here yet, and I wanted to keep it that way. I paused in front of the door, a sinking feeling in my chest and a ball at the back of my throat.

The door slid open and I half-expected him to be standing there, groggy with tired eyes, only half joking when asking me just what the hell I was doing at his room this early.

But all I got was an empty room, bathed in darkness.

I stepped inside, and willed to keep tears at bay when the faint scent of him met my nose. No, I wouldn't do this, I couldn't.

I took my time, running my fingertips across the spines of his books as I walked past his small library, stopping when I touched the book I bought that one day.

Frankenstein.

The monster never was Dr. Frankenstein's creation, it was him.

He must've borrowed it.

I went to pull it off the shelf, but my fingers didn't move. Whether they could or not, I didn't think they wanted to. My subconscious didn't want to disturb anything, huh?

Per usual, it was doing the right thing. I didn't want to disturb what I didn't need to.

I lowered myself onto his bed carefully, as if it would give out under my weight. The dimmed moonlight hit the space next to me, a cruel trick. The many times I would rush into this room, not in the right of mind, blurry eyed and red faced, none of which were as painful as this time. The silence roared in my ears as I sat there. My tears wouldn't fully form.

I punched my leg, angry at myself. Angry at Tara, angry at Garfield, angry at Talia, and Ra's, and Deathstroke. But mostly angry at myself. If I had told him to stay at the tower, or waited for Bruce, or if I had done anything different, this wouldn't have happened.

I punched my leg again, leaving me with a slight buzzing feeling that went up and down my leg. And again, and again, and again. I bit down in my lip. Hard. The skin on my lip busted open and the taste and smell of blood invaded my senses, but it still didn't hurt.

I hadn't been like this for a long time. The pain I felt, the pain everyone felt, it overwhelmed me. I wasn't exactly sure why, but because of this I couldn't really feel a thing.

I was numb.

---

"Raven." I blinked my eyes open, looking at Jaime. I picked myself off Damian's comforter, thinking to myself that it didn't give much comfort.

"We got the transmission that you'd be returning late last night, I thought it was a mishap when we couldn't find you." I nodded, rubbing my hand along my cheek and into my hair, giving him a soft yawn.

"Yeah I didn't realize I had fallen asleep, I was just... looking." Jaime gave me a strange look before standing up straighter.

"Team meeting, I think you should be there." I stood up, wobbling before catching my balance and following him out of the room.

"Any reports?" I asked, staring straight ahead, still knowing when he gave me strange looks. I couldn't quite understand them.

"The city's been silent, nothing more than a few red lights being run."

"Good." I stepped foot into the meeting room, and it might as well have turned ice cold. Everyone stopped what they were doing, whether it be looking at their nails, or quietly chatting, it was dropped as soon as I walked through the doorway.

I took my seat at the head of the table, and I got those same strange looks from both Jon and Donna. I shrugged it off, if it was anything serious, I'd already know.

"Who called the team meeting?"

"I did." It almost felt like a wave of ice water dripped down my body when she spoke. I almost got chills. I turned my head towards Tara, trying not to glare.

"I'm leaving for Markovia, I want to see my parents and my country." My heart skipped a beat. She was forced to work for Slade. Kidnapped, injected with a strange serum to enhance her powers, trapped, manipulated. Huh. Maybe she really is a lot like Rose after all.

I averted her eyes, which watched me carefully, scanning for any hint of danger. I played with my fingers, trying to piece together a decent sentence. I ended up nodding.

"As you should... I wish you safe travels." She bowed her head to me, scooting her chair back a bit from the table so she's not in the spotlight.

"Anything else I should be updated on?" Nobody spoke up, and I had thought that a few weren't even listening.

"Fine. As you know, I've been gone for the past few days. I cannot release any details on as to why, but I'm afraid I will need to leave once more. I'm not sure how long, maybe a while, but I'm sure you guys will be able Donna as your leader." I tapped my fingers on the box I had been given, anticipation rising in my chest. I pulled the box off my lap and set it onto the table.

"There may... come a time when backup is needed. The League doesn't have to interfere with this business, but the Titans could. This is a boom tube. You put in coordinates of where you need to go, and it takes you there." Everyone stared at it, Garfield's eyes flicked to Tara, and then back to the boom tube.

"This is not a toy, and can be dangerous if not taken care of properly. It's being monitored so any unauthorized trips will be seen and dealt with. This concludes the meeting, any questions?" It was dead silent, so I stood up, sliding the boom tube to where Donna was sitting.

"Keep that safe." She nodded, giving me a smile. I gave her a weak one back, looking up to address the room.

"I hope to see you again soon."