Becoming Us || l.h

Chapter 17

**Trigger warning**

I check my phone again, looking at the last time Luke had even texted me. It's been three weeks. I try calling again, holding back a frustrated scream when it goes straight to voicemail. I focus back on the tv in my room, E! News doing a segment on, you named it, 5 Seconds of Summer. I let out a sigh, flipping to another channel. A rerun of some show is on, so I flip to another channel. News. I keep flipping until I give up, turning off the tv. The room goes pitch black, startling me. I didn't even realize I had spent another day in bed. 

I hear the front door open, making me freeze. "Dyl?" I hear Austin shout, my nerves calming down. He comes upstairs, giving me a sad smile. "Back in bed?" He asks, walking around the bed and climbing into the other side. He rolls over, facing me. "I think I've officially been ghosted." I sigh, pulling my comforter over my head. "Why do you say that?" He doesn't try to move the comforter but sticks his hand through a small hole. I hold it, taking a shaky breath. "I haven't talked to him in three weeks, he won't answer me."

He lets out a long sigh, probably trying to figure out what to say. "Have you tried anyone else?" "Blake, he was too busy to go see what was up though." "What about Ashton?" "Couldn't really hear me through the fans he was around." I shrug, peeking out. He gives me a small smile, shaking his head. 

"Do you want to try my phone?" He asks. I shrug again, not even sure if I was ready to talk to Luke after the last three weeks. "Wouldn't hurt to try." "I'll try Ashton again on my phone." I sigh, calling him. I put it on speaker, the tone buzzing in my quiet room. "Hey, kiddo." He answers, making my heart hurt. I missed them all so much. "Why hasn't Luke called?" I ask, chewing on my lip.

"They took his phone, I'm really sorry Dylan." I take a deep breath, squeezing my eyes shut. "You all have phones, why couldn't he use one of yours?" "He's not allowed to, he's not doing too well." "Ash, please. I haven't talked to him in three weeks." I squeak out, trying to keep my tears at bay. "Dyl-" "Ashton, please," I beg, cutting him off. "I'll try, no promises though." 

It's silent for a few moments, I hear a door squeak, then Ashton quietly talking to Luke. "Phone." He says. "I don't want it." Luke sounds miserable. "It's Dylan." "Tell her I'm busy." That felt like a slap to the face. I think Austin could tell, he took the phone from me, hanging up. I let out a sob, Austin pulling me onto his lap. "I fuck up everything!" I say between sobs, trying to wipe all the tears away. "No, you don't, Dylan! Mom fucked this one up." "Had Luke and I never dated, we both would still be in Europe, no one would be fucking miserable. You heard him! He sounded awful." I sound like a blubbering mess, snot dripping from my nose, my eyes already were swollen from all of the crying I was doing. "Stop, you guys will get through this, I promise." He says, smoothing down my greasy hair.

---

Another week passes, I feel like complete shit. I knew I needed to shower, eat, be a normal human being. I couldn't though. I don't want to be here, I was miserable. I was fed up with the fans, I was fed up with my mom, I was fed up with Luke, I was fed up with his band but I was fed up with being alive. I don't want to be alive. I have no purpose.

I haven't spoken to Luke in almost a month, the pain clawing at my heart. To save us any more misery, I decided to break up with him. Maybe it will get him back up on his feet. He didn't have his phone, so I'll just leave a message I guess. He'll get it eventually.

I call him, hearing it ring. It abruptly stops and I hear him say hey. I try not to start crying just hearing that, my heart in my throat. The voicemail doesn't continue though, my hands start to shake. "Dylan?" He asks, sounding concerned. My tears begin to well up in my eyes, Luke actually answering made this so much harder now.