"i know we'll meet once again."
[bangkok, 2019]
lisa stirs her hot chocolate gently, maybe this would help her feel calm. everything felt to be happening so fast, a little overwhelming but she doesn't complain. there's no need to.
she walks away from the small bar inside their room and approached their bed, setting the mug by the lampshade she shared with the older brunette.
jennie was purely invested on her phone, probably checking up on someone important. lisa ignores this, as always she tries to push the name far back in her mind for she has no right to feel the way that she does every time the girl giggles without her being the reason.
thailand was different the last time she visited. now that she thinks of it, it feels like it was a whole 'nother life she lived, away from this one, and way better if lisa were to be honest.
she reminisces the time while setting herself on the bed beside jennie. she remembers the time they went to the temple together and sent their silent wishes.
she smiles at the memory, it felt like too long ago and she'd be lying if she said that she never wished to go back and stay.
"impossible." she thought to herself.
making a wish at the temple wasn't a lie though, it worked. because when she whispered for a closer relationship with jennie, she did. she got it, though not exactly like what she expected.
"maybe i should've been more specific that day." she speaks to herself while staring at the ceiling, she dismisses the thought. ridiculed by her own, but her mind draws back to all the different times that this could've gone much different, somewhat better for her.
she thinks she's being selfish. because again, will jennie even want the same?
"she's in love with him." she thinks to herself. and that's all that matters.
"hey jen?"
"hm?" she turns her head to lisa, finally she gets to see those brown eyes after a long day.
"dance with me."
—
she holds her body close, slow dancing in the dark was cheesy but neither of them couldn't care less.
"why do you keep doing these unexpected things every year?"
"because then you'd look forward to celebrating your next birthday with me again."
jennie smiled at the taller girl, not exactly knowing what lisa wanted to imply though sometimes the younger girl wishes that she had known. though maybe it is better this way.
she no longer knows, but it shouldn't matter.
-
they now lay on the bed next to each other, with jennie scooting closer looking for that familiar warmth from lisa's arms. she embraces the older woman close, beggars can never be choosers.
she sends her apology unspoken, she never meant to feel this way- like as if she belongs to jennie.
jennie stares right back at her eyes,
"are you happy lis?"
"of course i am." but she could be happier, she knows she does.
and as she holds her close she caresses jennie, in a way that only she knew would help the girl get into a deep slumber instantly.
and she hopes for the gods to let her be the only one who knows that brushing jennie's hair back while they cuddled helps her fall asleep. she hopes to be the only one who knows because there's nothing else that she could hold up against him but this.
but lisa's sure enough that sooner or later he'd learn that about jennie too. but she prays that maybe by that time she's freed herself from this suffering.
"you're happy now jennie, and that's what matters." she whispers to the woman asleep in her arms.
of course, she's happy with him.
lisa releases a shaky breath, silently so that it wouldn't wake her up. she tries to calm her heart down— she fails.
lisa spent the next few minutes crying while jennie rests in her arms.
and by dawn, she finds herself still doing the same thing, but now looking up at the sky. she whispers a few more prayers, to let it be her in another lifetime.
that the gods would let her meet jennie again, almost in the same way as this one. the only difference would be that she'll tell her she loves her out loud.
and jennie would tell her the same.
[FIN.]
—
a/n: follow me on twitter, @sthotlisa
