whatever it was,
for whatever it is.
to a world without question,
wherein it lives not beyond.
—
Have you felt the unspeakable? A life where Lisa's touch was enough to set her ablaze. Forever falling into the pits of "How have you been?" "Let me know if you need me Jen."
Jen.
That's how she's always called her when they were alone, for the best of reasons this made her feel closer to Lisa. She never protests, not even once.
There were months and months in between of not seeing her friend, their schedules for the past two years since; never seemed to find each other. But they did however, through text messages, in phonecalls. Best that it gets would be five hours of getting together every other three months before they hit back to the airport leading them to their next destinations.
"I miss her, Soo-ya."
"I'm the one you haven't seen in six months! How come you don't miss me like that?" The older member teases, she chuckles at her screen displaying Jennie's pout and scrunched brows.
"I miss you too Soo, I miss Chaeng. I miss us." She heaves.
"I get what you mean. Mandu..." Jennie pouts at her nickname, homesickness grows, and it goes further than the house she's currently staying in L.A.
"I... I'm not sure how you really feel about Lisa. About this whole thing..." Jennie watches Jisoo look down from her screen, searching for the right words, choosing gently.
"It's like we talk about her all the time but not at the same time. I feel like at this point, without saying it out loud, we just both know, yeah?"
Jennie nods. An assurance of a wall that now ceases to exist. There must be something about the distance. In all literal sense, being away from home, her family, her friends, and Lisa who she couldn't quite get a hold of these days make it even more difficult to surpress the longing, and endless wanting of wherever the woman was.
Is she in love? Jennie doesn't know if her answer is exact.
But in those sacred moments, those short-lived times where she gets to look into Lisa's eyes longer, and she's allowed to touch her face, and hold more than just her hand. When she's able to get so close all she could fill her lungs with, is Lisa's fragrance. A point in time wherein their dinners were past the main course and the wine they drank. A moment spent in all these glimpses of the world they have.
It wasn't unrequited love. It was anything but.
Lisa felt all of it too. Those weren't simply just good night kisses, it was her language of telling Jennie to keep her in mind, through her dreams till she wakes and she hopes that her first thought would be her. It wasn't quite like they were pretending to ignore it. It wasn't like they would deny it either. The right questions just haven't been asked.
So whenever Jennie clings onto her arm in public, in the ocean of cameras, eyes, and minds. This is the most pretentious they get. They pretend that it is what it's like to be free. In another dimension perhaps, they told the world.
But was it really the question of the world being ready?
Or them?
"You know, we haven't really talked about it either." Jennie confesses to Jisoo, who in return- gives her an astounded look.
"What do you mean you guys haven't?"
"I actually... haven't confessed properly, or addressed things if that's a way to put it."
Jisoo chuckles at this,
"Ya! Don't laugh at me like that," Jennie burries her face on her palm as an attempt to hide her growing laughter as well.
"I'm sorry, it's just- I can't believe this, you're talking about "I haven't addressed it" like it's a life or death situation- you're making it sound so- ahh Jennie..." she laughs in between, even more as she looks at her best friend grow red in embarrassment, realizing how ridiculous she sounds about confessing her feelings for another girl.
"Alright look, I think that you should go for it."
"That's all?"
"What did you want me to say Jendeuk?"
"There are a lot of things to consider you know, and what if she doesn't feel the same?"
Jisoo dramatically groans and slaps her own forehead, then looking at the other on her screen with disbelief.
"Love isn't meant to just stand there. Or whatever feelings you're feeling, it's not fair for you to be selfish, Jen."
"How am I being selfish, I haven't done anything yet!"
"But you're expecting that there must be something in return for those feelings. I know that sounds mad, and I understand that you're scared. But what is there to ponder about when you're feeling it this loud? What's there for you to hide from her if she knows exactly where to find you all the time?"
They both fall in silence.
"You see where I'm getting at?"
Jennie nods.
"But the friendship-"
"Oh! Fuck the friendship!" Jisoo exclaims in english out of a sudden, making Jennie laugh. "You should trust your friendship now more than ever. You of all people should know that your friendship with Lisa will survive it even if she didn't feel the same way."
This rang inside Jennie's head for the rest of her L.A. nights before returning to Seoul.
—
A/N: I'll finish the second part as soon as I can, this is just one of the stories I've always wanted to write but never knew where to start and I just wrote this all in one sitting tonight and went with it.
