BEAUTIFUL DISASTER (Preview)

Six: Tears and Leaving.

Janaan

Looks like she was the best symphony for worst nightmares. They always play her till their hands bleed. Why? 'Cause she's a great masterpiece sophisticated to the artists. With dull colours and empty spaces meant for only her to see and live in. She makes the perfect dark chorus. Crumbling into the pit of darkness, was her mind and thoughts.

After Janaan had the funniest moment that night- Adnan's birthday. They all went back to their rooms to sleep but Janaan, couldn't even close her eyes for two good minutes. It has been long, since she had those nightmares. But today, they came back with full force. Maybe, because she has been paranoid about leaving her family and going to another country.

She feels like a burr was thrusted into her, making everything hurt and torn apart. From what happened when she was eight, to the best person she has ever had leaving her after confessing her undying love for him. She doesn't know what to feel. Her heart constricted when that very day came back as fresh as a new rose from it's root.

She rolled and rolled on her bed- trying not to push Fadila off the bed, but she couldn't sleep a wink. When she had those nightmares all those years, that one person was the one who is always there to console her. Sometimes, only his voice can do the magic but when he left, his letter was what brought her up.

Standing up, she tip-toed to her walk in wardrobe, where she hid all the letters he wrote to her before he left. Inside the wardrobe, there is a red kit with black embroidery decorated.

All the letters and gifts he gave her, she hid it there when he left with only hurtful words said to her. Bringing out the letter which was just a day before she confessed her love for him, she start to read it with each word hanging in her head.

*
Güzelim.
I know I'm not their when you're having your nightmares these days but trust me, you're always in my mind. As I always say, you'll forever be my only rock and I'll forever be yours. As your best friend, I should have been there. I'm so sorry. But I'll make it up to you tomorrow Inshaa Allah. What do you say? I'll come and pick you up by 12am.

Don't forget to make your hijab long. I don't want those creepy guys looking at my best friend. You said you like letters huh, you'll get tired of them soon. I missed you so much today and my dad was so boring today. Don't tell him.

Bye love. I know I'm improving with my turkish language but whatever. I'll see you tomorrow, bi tanem. I love you.
*

Those words were what ignited her love for him. He missed her and she knows he's being sincere but the 'I love you' part, she doesn't know how to take that. He always say that but she wasn't sure if he was serious for something more than a friendship or just the love that friends have for each other.

She hid her feelings real well that he didn't even see the tinniest bit of it. For she was really afraid of rejection but that letter, was the last tick. She smiled, just remembering the relationship they had. Those days were here best moments on earth. With him, everything was perfect, life was like the fairy tale she wants. But now, modern fairy is boring.

Those memories are supposed to be cherished. And she's doing anything and everything to keep them safe. She locked the walk in closet before sitting on the floor. She switched on the light and keep the red box on the floor to re-see the gifts he gave her. Those gifts always makes her cry but she still takes the risk.

She was about to open the box when her mother knocked at their bedroom's door. That means it's time for them to get ready. She didn't know that time flew by so fast with her rolling on the bed doing nothing. She walked out of the closet, not before returning the box to it's secured place. That box was her whole life, the reason she smiled when she was supposed to cry herself in her room.