Laeyana is a 21 yr old girl from Baltimore Maryland. She's going through her lowest point in life. She's been dealing with depression, loneliness and self hatred ever since she was a kid and can't seem to find any true happiness within her life. She...
It's been two weeks since I had that mental breakdown. I still don't feel 100% better but I do feel better than I did two weeks ago. Talking with my mom kind of helps, but at the same time it doesn't. We just don't see life the same and that's fine. We can agree to disagree, but we never wanna form a relationship so bad that we can't speak or not communicate with each other. She loves me dearly as I love her as well, but I just wish I had someone who understands me. A friend or best friend or boyfriend, hell anybody. Just someone who see's me, accepts me, and loves me for who I am.
Today would be the first day that I start my new job. My mom helped me get the job as a receptionist at the Veterinary Hospital she works at. She's been saving animals lives since before I was born and I'm so glad she was able to pull some strings to get me this job.
"Hey Lae, how's it going so far?" My mom said leaning over the front desk drinking coffee.
"It's good. A little different from what I'm used to, but I'm adjusting. I smiled. Thank you again."
"Your welcome honey, and hey I wanted to tell you."
She leaned closer to me.
"You know you don't have to quit dancing right? I mean I understand traveling is gonna be a little hard now, but that doesn't mean you have to quit Lae. Trust me, the girls aren't out here killing it in heels like you are. You're only 20 years old Lae. You have so much potential baby, and your life isn't ruined. You don't have any felonies or drug charges on your background. You're not in a relationship that can make you loose focus or cause distractions, and you don't have any kids running around giving you a headache. You have so much to live for babe. Get back on your grind with dance because the dream isn't dead. You just gotta push through this rough patch and keep it moving. You understand me?"
"Yes ma'am." I got up and hugged her from over the counter.
The hell would I do without my mom..
"Oh! and one more thing.." my mom said turning back around facing me."
"What?"
She leaned even closer this time and whispered.
"You aren't having sex are you? You're still a virgin right Laeyana?"
"Yes mom, I'm still a virgin."
"Okay great." She said letting out a sigh of relief.
After our discussion, mom left and returned back to finish her shift.
"Unfortunately..." I whispered to myself.
I didn't wanna be a 20 year old virgin, but here I am. Growing up, my father did NOT play any of the fluke shit with me. I think it's unfair that my big sister London was able to get away with soooooooo much shit as a teenager while I was being monitored like I'm the fast one. I'm talking sneaking boys in the house. Having sex before she was even 16. Smoking weed in high school and getting caught by the feds with it. Stealing moms car to go to parties. Just wild as fuck doing whatever the hell she wanted. I think my dad sheltered me so much because he saw the way my sister turned out and didn't want me to be like her. Plus, my body was different. Now my sister, super skinny. She'll disappear if she turn sideways, but me? Let's just say I was potty trained super early because my ass wouldn't fit on the potty seat as a toddler. I'm very thick and my dad was afraid of the attention I would get from boys who could expose me of things I was too young to see. I was never allowed to wear bikinis growing up. (Still never worn one.) I didn't have confidence within myself because back then, there was no (thick girl) you were either skinny or fat and guess which category I got put in.. I remember girls used to literally watch me eat at the lunch table and talk shit later causing everyone to laugh at me. School pretty much was hell for me and I missed out on all of the "badass" teenage moments because my dad wasn't goin for it. Now I'm a 20 yr old virgin whose only been kissed 3 times in the past couple years. (First kiss was at 18) Doesn't smoke weed cuz my father will beat the bricks off me and will be damned if I get in trouble with the feds like my sister, and never had sex because I was too sheltered. God I hate talking about sex and drugs because I'm not experienced with it. I have no knowledge of it. Therefore, the conversation would get boring real quick, and it's fucked up cuz that's all this generation talks about. Sex and drugs is the main lifestyle that this generation is living. I let out a light sigh. I swear being a good girl fucking sucks.
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Later that day.
After work, I came home and started thinking. My mom's lil influential speech about not giving up had me thinking. She's right, I am an amazing dancer. I do hip hop and I also do heels, I'm really advanced at both and I'd like to do them as a career one day. Dance is my escape from reality. It makes me feel so good and when I'm dancing, I don't overthink everything. My mind is at ease and its truly the only thing that makes me happy. I'm a fairly known dancer in the small Baltimore dance community, which is good cuz know I can really do something with that. I don't have a hundred thousand followers on social media but I know I can spread something with the couple thousand I have, and then It came to me.
"I can start teaching class."
I've been choreographing my own dances for years but never showcased them cuz I was too shy. Although I know If I start teaching class which can bring in extra money, I can begin to start traveling around different places like L.A. and be going viral like Aliya Janell or Nicole Kirkland. I just need a few things to get me there.
A reasonable space to teach class, and a videographer to record my videos. Sure, I can save money by just using my iPhone but if I want more views, I know I need a good high quality camera that would get peoples attention.
"Man I gotta do some research."
I was up all night doing research on my laptop trying to find a nice studio space, and a local videographer that was in my budget. I was emailing and calling up a storm of people trying to put this idea together. A few hours later, I was done. I found the perfect studio space and hired a dope videographer who could record my videos and create flyers that I can put on my Instagram. I'm not really into social media cuz I know how shy and insecure I can be which causes me to be antisocial, but I know if I want ladies coming to my classes, social media is the best outlet to spread the word. Now that everything was set, I can finally relax now. I put my laptop away and got ready for bed.
