Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Trigger warning ; suicide, overdosing, mentions of loss __________ British Airways Flight 194 : Horrific Crash Likely Killed Everyone On Board ; Whereabouts Unknown This morning, the airliner was spotted "nosediving" into the North Atlantic Ocean on its departure to Rhinebeck, New York, USA. The whereabouts of the 89 passengers on board are unknown at this time ; officials say that survivors are highly unlikely. Posted 2/15/19 6:53 AM
My hands shook as I read the article. Flight 194. That was Ben's flight. He was coming to see me.
Panic took over me as I scrolled back through our past messages, searching to make sure that was his flight.
Ben ❤️ thursday 7:25 PM
Hey love 💕 just booked a flight to NY. I know you've been feeling down lately so I thought I'd try to come help cheer you up :) read 7:28 PM
Aweeee baby you didn't have to do that ❤️❤️ thank you soo muchhh I love youuu read 7:28 PM
Anything for you my prince 💕 I love you too Here's the flight deets; British Airways flight 194 Saturday 15th, February 2019 Departure ; 5:30 AM read 7:30 PM __________
My stomach dropped. I wanted to believe it wasn't true- but it was. I wanted to revert time. I wanted to go back, but I couldn't. My stomach tightened as I ran to the bathroom. I vomited. I couldn't help it.
I didn't have the will to get up. I sat down by the toilet and felt the burn in my throat, but I was too focused on my screams and sobs to be worried about that.
This isn't true.
This can't fucking be true.
First my dad, and now the love of my life, what more does the world want from me?
__________
It was a few hours before I finally got up.
I took a look in the mirror, and my face was red and tearstained. I rubbed my eyes with my hands and left to lay down in my bed. I my face sank into my pillow and I pulled the blanket over me, hiding from the world.
It's funny how some people can have everything one second, and have nothing the next second.
The rest of the day was a cycle of sleeping and checking the news for any updates, trying my best not to lose hope.
