Bitter "Sugar"

you|part 2

Chapter 2

The warm arms wrapped around me tightly,
They swayed me side to side, and i clenched,
I clenched tightly onto there white shirt and closed my eyes.

I wanted to speak,
I had a voice in this, something important to tell them.
i wanted to tell them what i have been through and what i have been through, how i'm always sad and scared
How much i appreciate them for comforting me
When im annoying them and being useless.
How even though im crying
i'm so so happy
That someone helped me with all this pain
Yet,
the only sounds that came out was light sobbing.
Because even if he's helping me,
Aching pain from the past haunts my sorrowful thoughts
And i'm still scared of how he would react.
He may hate me, find me weird, or whatever but i can't talk about it,
So what if i starve myself?
So what if i hurt myself?
So what if i'm in pain?
I'm used to it and i doubt they would care
Im worthless
I-

And my distant thoughts were cut off
By a familiar voice
"Shh, its okay im here for you, Everything is okay..."
And his voice faded.

Yeah, i definitely recognize it, it the same sweet voice the softly greeted me,and the one that told me im crying and made me cry even more
But,
his voice soothed the pain i held.
Yet it still hurt me
It ached my heart
But It made me feel better about my action
i honestly did some shitty things
Some is actually a understatement the more i think about it
I really am horrible to people
I never realized how much it helps when someone's there for you.
And I want to do the same
I want to make someone happy and smile

But all i can do i torment and arouse pain,
and it really sucks that i could only do that.

I came back to reality and pushed myself anyway from him, i looked at his tear filled shirt and his sad frown

It killed me to see such a frown drawn on his face because of me
I'm just a problem and i knew that

I wiped a tear from my eye and whispered a thank you

He smiled a sweet smile and said "no problem" and i smiled back.
His smile was so sweet and so refreshing to see
Maybe i even blushed a little, but that's beside the point-
after all that happened,
I went back to getting what i wanted,
and he went back to the cash register, it was back to what it was
Just less crying.
And i went back to being who i'm not,
Trying to get in a mold i can't fit in.
the cigars were still in front of him,
i slowly slid it closer to him
I wanted to shove them but i really couldn't, not after all he did for me, but i did give him a cold stare and a big frown,
he looked at the cigars and raised an eyebrow to me, he took the cigars and replaced with a 6 pack of banana milk.
"You're too young to die so fast, take the banana milk and shoo, it's on the house."

I rolled my eyes,and snatched the banana milk
"You're not my mom, i can do whatever i want you don't need to tell me" i said as a nasty remark he frowned at me again and i couldn't stand it so i threw a 10$ bill at him softly and quietly thanked him while leaving.
I looked back at him and he smiled again
I loved that smile
Even if i never will see him again.
"Thank you for coming, it gets pretty lonely here anyway so this was fun!"

Once i got out it was pitch black, stars filled the dark abyss, god it was beautiful.
After admiring the sky i took the milk out of the bag
I gave it a good stare

and just smiled at it for the longest i could.

And Thank you is all i could think,
Not just for helping me
But being nice in a cruel world,
I want to be the same, i try so hard to trust and love
But i was hurt before
And i'm scared to get hurt again

And i clenched and frowned at the milk, put it back in the bag, and started walked back home in that quiet night.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Somone said they would attacc me if i didnt update so like wO-
But ily-