Bitter "Sugar"

love |part 3

Chapter 3

25 I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.

26 I gave an account of my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees.

27 Cause me to understand the way of your precepts, that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.

28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

29 Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me and teach me your law.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My night was sleepless, i couldn't stop thinking, thinking about him and what i could be
I'm a sinner.
I should learn from him.
Sweet, caring, generous-
i want to be like that,
there's nothing stopping me,well, almost nothing
Other than fear. I don't want the past to repeat,
-
Tears challenged my eyes, i hate to admit it but i'm weaker then i seem,
Bruises can be easily seen on my pale skin
My skinny bodys to weak to pack a punch, or cause any paint to anyone.

And scares me.
What if people find out? They'll surely leave me.

I keep taking deep breaths,
Tormenting thoughts were circling in my mind,
I could feel pounding sensations on my head
I just wanna be numb, feel nothing,
to never move From my spot.
I'm scared,
I don't wanna go to school
I don't wanna hurt anyone
But i don't wanna be hurt.
I want new friends, friends that would accept me for me,
Friends that aren't hanging around me for popularity
Someone that listens and actually cares.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes,
i hated everything and everyone.
i hesitantly walked to my closet
to change and get ready for school.
I browsed through my dark toned clothes to find something to wear,
while slowly browsing through my clothing i met the back of my closet, the back was full of bright pastel clothing that i hid,
I frowned.
I love wearing dresses and shirts of this assortment, it make me so happy to wear such colourful clothing
But now, with popularity and all this power,
I had to wear what's trending, i cant wear what i want, i have to wear clothing that blends me in to the crowd, makes me identical others, i hate it.

I want to stand out like a sore thumb,
But i can't,
So i wont.

I flipped to the front of my closet, where my dark tone clothes were and took out a black and white striped shirt and black leather pants, and wore a heavy black jacket over it, i brushed my short black hair and wore heavy makeup to cover up my imperfections.

I looked at myself in a mirror one last time,
"Is this who you wanna be?"
I sighed at the question i already had a answer for,
Of course not.
But if i did have a choice,
I would be me.
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end of chapter|