Black Tears

one

I hated it. I never wanted this. I'm only fifteen I shouldn't be here. But I am. It's the only job I could get. I'm a dancer. Or at least I was.

I was two when I started dancing. My mother thought it would be good and she was right I loved it. I was five when I started competing. I won nationals junior competition three years in a row. Hip hop was my best category but I was pretty good at ballet and contemporary too. I just loved dancing.

Then mom got cancer. Dad got drunk. Mom died and dad left. And at twelve I was introduced to my new foster parents. My brother and I hated them obviously considering they were horrible human beings. Both abusive. Both drunks. Both poor as hell. My dad hit me so hard one time I was hospitalized. I missed so much school that I was so behind I decided to just try and take my GED. And at fourteen I did. Then I needed to get a job. I needed to make money so I could make sure Johnny got into a good college far, far away. Or at least maybe we could have enough money to move somewhere else when we were old enough. I started cleaning for people and babysitting, but I couldn't get a real job. That was until a few months ago.

His name was Charles Burks and he saw me dancing one day in the alley behind my house. That was the only way I could get away with it. My new foster parents were baptist. So I got beat if I danced. I don't think God looks down on me dancing, well maybe for the dancing I do now but not ballet. I do think God looks down on beating your children senseless, however.

Charles was not a real pleasant man, but not dangerous. He asked me if I wanted a job at the gentlemen's club down town. I didn't, but then he told me how much it would pay. I would be making five dollars an hour, and then possibly getting more tips. I had to get Johnny into college. I had to get him out of this abusive hellhole. My older brother was the only thing I cared about. I was going to get him out.

So that's why I'm here. I only strip. Charles doesn't allow me to lap dance because I'm so young and I guess he cares at least a little. All I do is dance, collect my money, and then go home. Johnny thinks I'm a waitress at the bar downtown and because he's not twenty-one I don't have to worry about him finding out about my lie. He'd also never show up here. Johnny is a good guy, a great guy. He's also very protective. So are his friends.

I know all of his friends but I'm not really close to any of them but Dally. That'a just because Dally saved me one night when I was being jumped. He's real protective. Sometimes Two-bit or Sodapop will see me around and beg me to come to the Curtis house to see them, but I never do. I don't talk to anyone but Johnny and occasionally Dally. I've talked to Ponyboy a few times, he's a real nice kid and awfully cute. All of the Curtis's are. Actually, all of Johnny's friends are. I just don't have time to have friends. I have my job and Johnny and that's all. I guess I'm a little scared too.

It was eleven. That's my reporting time. I go back stage and get ready with the other girls. They are so sweet to me. They are all trying to help find me another job as well. They know I need the money to get Johnny and I out of town, but not many places around here want to hire a kid with no experience other than stripping. My favorite of all the girls was Jennifer. She was a real beautiful girl and she had long brown hair that curled naturally in the most elegant way. She hated being here too. When her and I needed a break from the world we'd talk about how we were going to move to LA and become dancers and meet all the Beatles. I was going to marry John Lennon but she wanted to marry Elvis. Then reality would set in and we'd be forced to dance around on a broken stage in front of nasty boys for a few bucks. Jennifer was only twenty. I'm fifteen but I look younger, except when I'm here. When I wear my work clothes, which is barely any clothes at all, I look a lot older than 15. They put a lot of makeup on me so when I'm on the streets the guys can't recognize me. That was Jennifer's idea. She also told me to only go by Rose when I'm here. It's still a flower, like my real name Lilly. But it protects my identity. I didn't want this life. But I had to ensure that Johnny got away from our foster parents. And if this was how I would have to do it, I would.

I walked in and I saw Jennifer and I smiled. She was so beautiful and her smile alone could make me feel like I was going to make it out of this. She had taken good care of me and made sure nobody ever got too close. She was my best friend, other than Johnny.

"I have to run to my car, I forgot my makeup, I'll be right back," she assured me and then walked out the back. I went and sat where I did every time I got ready. My outfit was hanging on the cheap coatrack next to my mirror where Jennifer would do my makeup. 

"Hey, kid," Kristy called out. 

I didn't like Kristy too much. She was always real cold and never smiled. She had blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I think she really enjoyed this job. I don't think she did it cause she had too like Jen and I. I think she wanted to and that scared me. Nobody should want to do this.

"Want some?" She asked smirking. She was sitting at her mirror with Emily and they both had a dangerous look non their eye. I didn't know Emily well, but she was a lot like Kristy.

"What is it?" I asked looking at the white powder laid over her small handheld mirror. 

"Just some stuff that will help." She rolled up a dollar bill and put it to her nose. Then in one quick breath, she inhaled the substance. 

"Help with what?" I was concerned, but curious. 

"Making this job and those scumbags seem a little less painful, baby," she said calmly. Her offer was tempting. I didn't want to feel like this. I wanted it to go away. 

I slowly walked over to them and she handed me the dollar bill. My gut told me I should't be doing this. But I didn't know what it was and it couldn't be that bad. I held the dollar in my hand and was about to inhale the white powder when I heard Jennifer's voice.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She ran over and took the dollar from my hand and looked at Kristy. 

"Come on, Jen. The kid needs to have a little fun," she said sitting down on the mattress behind our desks. Charles put a bed in here one day cause so many of the girls don't have a home. I've stayed here a few nights when my parents were real bad.

"She doesn't need fun like you. Not everyone needs drugs and sex to survive, whore." Jennifer grabbed my hand and stormed off leaving Kristy in shock.

We went outside and finally Jennifer let go of my arm. She was mad. I could tell when she was mad because she didn't say anything, just looked at the sky and tried to collect her thoughts. I hated when she got mad, because she was the only real friend I had.

"Why, Lilly?" She still wasn't looking at me. I looked down at the ground. 

"She said it would help," I muttered softly. 

"She isn't good. Stay away from her. From now on you get here, you dance, you leave. And you only talk to me when you're here, understood?" She looked at me. She looked older than twenty at the moment. She looked like a mom and as I nodded I felt tears come to my eyes. She sighed and pulled me close. 

"Come on, it's time to get ready, baby girl. Maybe this will be the last dance," She said cheerfully. 

She always tried to convince me that it would be the last dance. That the next night I wouldn't have to do this and come back. But it was never the last dance. There was always another night.  

Little did I know this really would be my last dance.