Black Tears

three

I woke up and I could feel Dally's arms wrapped around me. I gently maneuvered out of his grip and managed to grab the clothes Darrel brought me without waking him or Johnny. I was still upset but I understood why they reacted the way they did. I walked to the bathroom and made sure not to close the door. Their bathroom door squeaked loudly when moved so I had to change and just hope nobody would wake. 

I successfully changed without being walked in on and I stood for a few moments looking at my reflection. The black stains from my tears marked my face like war paint. My eyes were puffy and my cheeks were so red they almost looked burned. I just stared at myself. I was wearing a big grey t-shirt and blue pajama pants I'm guessing belonged to Ponyboy. He was a little taller than me, maybe an inch or two, but quite a bit more muscular. I had a small frame due to the fact that I didn't have the healthiest eating habits. I don't have a disorder and it isn't because I'm insecure. It's because Johnny and I never know when our next meal will be. 

I started gently running cool water over a wash cloth and cleansing my face with it in hopes to get rid of the blackness. It worked thankfully and I successfully cleared my face of any makeup. I didn't like the way I looked with makeup. When I wore makeup I looked like Rose. I'm not Rose, I'm Lilly. 

"You look better that way," a voice whispered from the door way. 

I jumped slightly and gasped from shock as I was interrupted from my thoughts. I turned and saw Dally standing there with an apologetic look on his face. I quickly looked down at the ground. I was still embarrassed and ashamed. 

"Let's take a walk, kid," he said motioning to the door with his head. 

His voice was still in a soft and comforting whisper and I enjoyed the sound of it quite a lot. I nodded my head and he grinned at me and we quietly made our way out the front door without waking the boys. It was early. 

Very early in fact. I didn't see a clock, but I would guess somewhere around 5:30. The sky was still dark and I could tell the sun would begin making it's appearance any moment now. 

"I'm sorry for the way I yelled at you, Lilly. I just got so mad seeing you in that place." 

I kept looking at my feet while he apologized. I had on a pair of Pony's tennis shoes and they were too big, but they were better than nothing. 

"A girl like you doesn't belong there, okay?" 

"Okay," I said softly still avoiding the part where I look at him. 

"Hey," he began and this time he stopped walking and grabbed my shoulders forcing me to look at him. "You're too good for that. I'm just trying to protect you, okay?" 

I looked him in the eyes and I felt my face start to heat up and my stomach ached with butterflies. He had such a serious and concerned look on his face that I had never seen before. His eyes didn't seem as cold and dark as they usually did. They were warm and comforting and I got lost deep inside of them. And I didn't want to be found. Finally I realized I was just staring and not replying at all. 

"Okay," I agreed and he laughed under his breath. 

"You just gonna agree with me every time?" 

"I guess so," I said while looking back down at the ground. This time he put a finger under my chin and lifted it so I was lookin at him again. I felt my stomach flip and if I wasn't so sure it didn't I may even say the world flipped too. He glanced down and my lips, but only for a fraction of a second and then he looked at me again. 

"You're pretty," he said in a whisper that made my insides burn. 

Burn for him. I wanted him even though every piece of me knew I shouldn't. I didn't reply he slowly moved his hand to the left side of my face where he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and then left his hand there. It was calloused and rough, but somehow felt completely out of place away from me. I just kept staring at his eyes and for a moment I wondered if he was going kiss me. 

He slowly leaned closer and the space between us began to disappear and I felt my breath become short and my heart beat speed up. He stopped only an inch away from me and our fore heads gently rested against each other. Then carefully he put his lips to mine in a gentle and cautious fashion. It was almost as if he was afraid I would pull away but instead I kissed back. It was short and then he pulled away harshly causing me to inhale sharply in shock. I stood petrified at the thought that I had done something wrong. He turned away from me and ran his hands through his hair. I still hadn't moved and quite frankly I was afraid to. 

"I shouldn't have done that," he mumbled looking out toward the road. 

My stomach dropped and I knew with that comment that I had done something wrong to make him regret his decision. 

"I'm sorry," I said in attempt to make up for what I did. 

His head turned and he looked at me with a confused expression and quickly walked back to me. 

"No," he said putting his hands on my face. "You did nothing wrong. I just can't feel this way about you. You're Johnny's kid sister," he explained and I felt a sudden relief. 

"Okay," was all that I could manage. I really hated how bad I was at talking sometimes. I wish I could just grow some confidence and be honest. I looked at him and I hated not kissing him. It seemed strange but being this close to him and not kissing him was like dangling a piece of meat in front of a starving dog. 

"I like you, Dallas," I said without even letting the words swim around in my head first. Had they had time to process I would not have let them out so easily. 

He clenched his teeth and I could tell he was contemplating something. I didn't care at this point. I wanted him. I wanted Dallas and I knew he at least wanted me a little. I stood for half a second more before stepping closer to him and this time I was the one to close the gap and kiss him. It was soft at first like the last one but he soon wrapped me in his embrace and pulled my body close to his. The kiss heated quickly and Dally's hands found their way to my face once more. I liked them there a lot. I pulled away and bit my lip in order to hide my smile. 

"You shouldn't want me," he said in a tone that made it sound like a warning. 

"But I do," I responded. He grinned at me a slightly and tucked away the very same group of hair that fell before. 

"Do you want me?" I asked in all seriousness. I had never felt this before and the fear of it deferring was beyond terrifying.

"I shouldn't," he answered looking back into my eyes. 

"Why not?"

"I'm not good for you."

"But you could be." I pulled him tighter. I just wanted to be as close to him as I could. He smelled of musky cologne, leather, and cigarettes and I was slowly falling in love with that scent alone.

"You make me want to be," he confessed in a whisper. 

"Then do it," I dared him. 

He pulled me in for a kiss once again and just as he did the sun peeked through and the sky began to awaken, and so did I. He pulled away and smiled at me.

"Okay."