Just Stay (Phan Fiction)

Drunk

My first ever phan fiction. Kinda don't know where this is going. Enjoy.

*strong language, violence, blah blah blah*

*Edit* Real triggers in the description, please read because there are a lot 

Dan's POV

I paced back and forth across my bedroom. This was killing me. The waiting. It had been three hours since my flat mate, Phil, had left to get some milk. It shouldn't take this long. I tried calling him for what felt like the millionth time but it just went straight through to his voicemail. "God Phil, pick up your fucking phone!" I muttered to myself and threw my phone across the room. I stopped pacing and sat on the end of my bed with my head in my hands. I tried to stay calm but the worry had overtaken me. It was all I could think about. I didn't even know why I was so worried. He could have just bumped into a friend and gone out for a drink or something. It's not like I own him. A text would have been nice though.

What felt like hours but was probably only minutes passed with me just sat on my bed. I couldn't help it. Phil was my best friend and I cared about him. A lot. In fact, there was a bit more of a reason as to why I was so worried about him. I liked Phil a lot more than a friend. I could never tell him that. For more than one reason. The first being that; he's not gay. Then there's the fact that I am way too much of a coward to admit my feelings to anyone, let alone the person whom those feelings are for. Then you have the fear. Fear of ruining the friendship. Fear that he will leave me. Fear that I may never see those bright blue eyes ever again.

I felt sick as I sat and waited. In a moment of frustration and panic, I grabbed my jacket and keys and headed towards the front door. Just as I reached the hallway, I heard footteps outside the door and loud voices approaching the apartment. As I entered the living room, the front door opened and Phil walked in with two others behind him. Chris was hanging off of Pj's arm looking completely hammered and Pj gave me an apologetic look as Phil stumbled over to the couch and passed out face-down.

"What the hell happened?" I demanded of Pj as he set Chris on the sofa next to Phil and walked over to me. 

"Chris and I were heading to a party when we bumped into Phil. He seemed a little down so we invited him out with us. The results being Chris trying to see how much alcohol he could give Phil until he explodes." Pj explained gesturing over to our two friends who were cuddling together on the couch in a sloppy manner.

"I see." I said quietly. I was slightly disappointed that I had not been invited out but I shook the feeling away as Pj and I sat down at the breakfast bar in the kitchen area. "Do you know why Phil was sad, he was alright before he left?" I asked trying to sound casual but probably failing terribly.

"He didn't say. I don't think it was anything too heavy. He did say something about a headache, that probably doesn't help." Pj said glancing over at where Chris and Phil were both fast asleep, loosely wrapped in each other's arms.

I felt a jolt in my stomach as I looked over at them. I knew what it was. It was jealousy rearing it's ugly head inside of me. Making me glare at my friend, wishing I was in his place. Wishing that I was the one to fall asleep with my arms around that slim frame. Wishing that I would be the last one he sees before he closes his eyes and the first one when they re-open. I knew there was nothing going on between Phil and Chris. They were just best friends and very drunk. It wouldn't have been any different if that had been Pj and I. Yet I still felt my stomach tighten and eyes narrow as I watched them.

"Dan?" Pj said bringing me back to reality.

"Hm?" I replied, looking back at his big green eyes. 

"You alright? You're acting a bit strange." he said, eyeing me curiously.

"I'm good Peej." I lied through my teeth. "So, how was this party?"

"Pretty shit if I'm honest." he said and he rested his chin on his hand. "Between trying to pry Chris off of literally every girl there and trying to keep Phil from trying to jump off of tables to see if he could fly I had my hands pretty full all night."

I chuckled slightly. "Sounds like fun." I said sarcastically.

"Oh it was, for everyone who wasn't me." he said. I grabbed us some coffee as we sat and talked. We didn't really talk about anything important. Just all the small things. The small things that didn't matter in the slightest but because we were friends we would sit and listen and maybe even bring it up again in the future to create even more of this small talk that was just so comfortable. It was always relaxed talking to Pj. He had this calming nature that could keep you happy and relaxed for hours. As a comfortable silence settled over us, I looked over at Phil. Chris had rolled over and was no longer wrapped up against Phil. I tried not to show how happy that made me.

I would have to tell him, eventually. But things were so good at the moment. I didn't want to ruin anything. Maybe I should take this one step at a time instead of getting ahead of myself and blurting out all of my deepest darkest secrets at first chance. Perhaps I could tell them I was gay first. One at a time, not altogether. Ease them into it before confessing my undying love for Phil like some teen romance movie that would just be filled with the cringiest moments imaginable. No, I would have to be subtle and casual about everything. My intense staring at Phil probably wasn't helping right now. I glanced at Pj but he seemed to be extremely interested in the mug in his hands. He had seen me staring. I could tell that he had seen. I tried to act like nothing had happened and thankfully the awkward moment passed by without being addressed.

Pj yawned and I suddenly realised how late it was. "You can stay here tonight if you want." I told him. "You can have the guest room." 

"Thanks man." Pj said and he got to his feet. "I think I'm gonna get some sleep."

"Yeah, me too." I lied again. I was really going to sit in my room on my laptop all night. Maybe edit a bit of the video I filmed during the day. "Night Peej." I said as he began to walk down the hall to the guest room.

"Night." he said sleepily. "Oh and Dan?" he turned slightly.

"Yeah?"

"You can talk to me about anything, you know that? Anything." he said.

I gave him a small smile. "Thanks Peej." I slipped into my room and without even taking my shoes off, sat on my bed and pulled my laptop onto my lap. I wanted to tell Pj so much. But, I couldn't. Not yet anyway.