I'm Fine, Really.

Brendon's Catching Feelings

this one gave me anxiety eskdkfgjjd

dallon point of view

I still don't know whether or not I should trust Brendon. He did apologize, a few times, but I'm not sure. He sat with me and Sarah after dinner during my second thirty minutes of torture and talked with us.

I learned that we have the same music taste and that he is pansexual. I am gay, but I just told him that I don't know yet. I don't want him to think I like him.

 We stayed up late talking, sitting on the hard cement floor. He didn't even mind and promised not to tell when I did one hundred and fifty crunches to burn some extra calories. 

"So how long have you been like this?" Brendon asks, pushing his glasses up. "Ever since I can remember. I think it started when I was twelve, when some kid called me fat on the bus." I'm letting my guard down. Shit. "That's also when my sister started dieting and stuff, she wanted a workout buddy and someone to do strange diets with her, so I stepped in. We both didn't have many friends." He nods, actually looking interesting. 

"I had no idea what I was getting into. We would both spend hours every weekend browsing tumblr at all the sickly looking girls. The thinspo tag was like our home. We survived off of water for days, or even a week at a time, my parents didn't even notice. They didn't care until my mom walked in on Elle purging after dinner." I frown at the memory, "I never purged. I didn't know how, and I was afraid. I didn't want to fuck up my teeth or my organs. My mom screamed at her, throwing out all the diet pills. She didn't care about me because 'boys can't have eating disorders'"

Brendon looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry that happened." I wave it off. "Doesn't matter now anyways. My mom only took me here because she didn't want me to die like Elle did." That's when it got too real. Tears formed in my eyes. "She died two years ago. She purged too hard, rupturing something, i dont even remember, but I remember it all so clearly. I head her gagging, like I would any night she ate, and then it was silent. No toilet flushing. I went in there, and she was dead. There was blood dripping out of her mouth and nose." Tears run down my face, "That's when I got hospitalized. They didn't want me to kill myself because of that, so they put me in a different inpatient program. It didn't help. Just kept me from killing myself. I didn't even get to go to her funeral." (idk if that was accurate but i was getting emotional)

I start crying and Brendon hugs me, "Don't cry Dallon. It's okay, please don't cry." This is the first time I've seen actual emotion on his face other than anger or annoyance. I sob into his chest, he rubs my back, soothing me. He whispers things into my hair as my tears soak through his shirt. 

"I'm s-sorry." I say, hiccuping. "Please don't apologize. You went through a shitty thing." I nod and squeeze him closer, not caring if he feels how fat I still am. 

Eventually I calm down, my eyes stinging from the tears. "Are you okay now?" He asks, holding my face and looking at me. "Y-yeah." I nod. 

"Want to go to sleep?" I nod again. We get into our beds, staring at each other from across the small room. "Goodnight Dallon." "Goodnight Brendon." 

brendon point of view

I felt really bad for Dallon as he cried into my shirt. What he went through really sucks. I feel even worse because of how shitty I acted towards him. 

I didn't expect to feel anything towards the skinny boy, but there I was, hugging him and telling him it was all going to be okay. What happened to me?

It's really scary, how someone can just die like that. I mean, yes, I have suicidal tendencies, but every time that I have tried to kill myself it was planned. His sister didn't mean to kill herself. I feel terrible for him. 

He looks so small in the moonlight, his eyes red and puffy and cheeks tear stained. I really want to kiss him. (i typed 'kill him' at first and kinda wanted to keep it)

No, I can't do that. It's way too early for that, besides, I have been awful to him, I doubt he would like me like that after what I did. 

I really wish I was with him right now, in his bed, cuddling. That sounds so gay but it's true. 

Wait no, fuck!

I can't let myself fall for the skeleton boy. 

Ee sorry that got depressing

what happened to his sister is literally my biggest fear oof

brendons catching the gay