I'm Fine, Really.

I Think I Like You

i just danced for 20 minutes in my doc martens but it's worth it because i learned choreography to bury a friend

nobody cares lol

dallon point of view

Sarah told me that Frank is thinking about putting me on a tube if I lose any more weight. 

What the fuck?

I'm literally fine. My life would be going pretty smoothly if I wasn't in this shithole. Yesterday, I walked in on someone getting their dick sucked in the nurses break room. Granted, I wasn't supposed to be in there, but still!

"Dallon? Are you listening to me?" Sarah waves a hand in my face, her acrylic nails shining in the fluorescent lighting. "Not really, sorry." She sighs. At least I'm honest about something. 

"Well anyway, Dr. Iero says that if you go under one twenty five pounds, you will get tubed. You know that after fat is burned-" "Yeah yeah, muscle and organ tissue. Your scare tactics don't help." I feel bad for sassing her, she is the only nurse here that is nice to me and let alone even talks to me. 

"Sorry." I mumble, looking around the small room. I told her it gets boring sitting in the empty cafeteria after I eat  so now we sit in her little office. Brendon usually follows along but he had therapy again, something about medication.

"Why do you have an office? Aren't you just a nurse?" I ask, trying to pass the time. "I don't really know. It's nice I guess." She shrugs, filing a nail. "Dallon?" 

"Hm?" "Why are you refusing to get better?" Great, I have two therapists. "Because." I simply say, watching the clock.

Five more minutes. Five more minutes. 

"When do I get to leave? Do I get to go on vacations or breaks?" 

"Not unless you put on a few pounds." I roll my eyes and we sit in silence for the rest of the time. "Thanks Sarah. See you at dinner." She smiles sadly at me and I leave for my room, hopefully Brendon is there by now. 

I walk in and the room is empty, he is probably arguing with Frank. 

There's nothing really to do and I don't feel like drawing so I go and purge up as much as I can. 

"Dallon? Are you okay?" I hear Brendon enter the room and knock on the door as I flush the toilet. "Yes I just had to piss." I wash my hands and walk out, giving me a weird look. 

"Can I see your hands?" I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Why? Come on let's go paint and watch Awsten have a break down about his delusions again." I try to push past him and he stops me, grabbing my cold hands. 

He flips them over and inspects my knuckles, sure enough there are a few little indents on my knuckle from my teeth. "Why did you purge? Why did you lie?" He looks genuinely hurt, and I feel guilty. "Umm because I have an eating disorder? I thought we discussed this." He frowns. "I thought you were okay."

"Okay well you're one to talk. I see the way you dig your nails into your arm any time a minor inconvenience happens. Now let's go, I don't need more interrogation." He sighs and we walk to the activity room. 

Somehow, on our walk, our hands brush and his hand finds a place in mine, our fingers lacing together. I like the way it feels and decide not to say anything, even though Tyler gives me a look, raising his eyebrows. I mouth 'fuck off' to him and we sit down at a table in front of the paint. 

"What are you gonna paint, Dallon?" Brendon asks. It's been weird getting close to him, at first he was cold and just a fucking douche, but now he is just this soft immature boy. It sucks that the world had to to it to him like that. 

"I don't know. Something sappy." He laughs at that, picking up the water colors and handing me some. I wet my brush and grind it into the purple color, making small strokes on my paper with no real artistic intent in mind.  

That's when Awsten starts screaming. 

"He is right there! Can't you see him? Geoff help!" Awsten jumps up and down, pointing to an empty spot on the couch. We try not to watch or laugh but it's hard. I feel kind of bad for him though. The nurses try and calm him down but nothing is working, Brendon turns to me, a nervous look on his face as the purple haired boy grabs a paintbrush off the table, throwing it at Sarah, blue paint splattering onto the wall.

"Mess! Sarah there is a mess!" The kid with ocd yells, pointing at the wall. Sarah quickly cleans it but Awsten throws a whole tray of watercolors, a rainbow being formed onto the wall. "Oh my god." The kid, I think his name is Ian starts crying and pulling at his hair. 

"We should get out of here." Brendon says, pulling my hand as we sneak out of the chaotic room. We laugh and walk through the halls. "What a shit show." I say, making him smile and hold my hand tighter. 

As we walk we swing our hands and stick our middle fingers up at security cameras, knowing that we will get in trouble but who cares. We will probably all die in here anyway. 

"Do you ever think that you'll get out of here?" He asks, his finger trailing on the tiled wall. "I don't think so. I feel like nobody ever gets out of here." He hums and nods sadly in response. 

I get dizzier as we walk, but I ignore the feeling, not wanting to ruin this moment. "Hey dallon? Can I ask you another question?" We lean against a wall, he seems to notice that I'm spacing in and out more.

"Do you like me?" I snort, "Yeah of course."

"No like, ugh. I saw the drawing in your sketchbook, of us." Oh. "Um- I uh- I don't know." He smiles as I get flustered. 

The shorter boy pushes his glasses up and moves so he is facing me, looking up, his hand moving up to my cheek. His thumb traces my cheekbone, a smile on his face. "You're so pretty, Dallon." I feel my face heat up. "Th-thanks I guess." I mumble, not knowing what to say. 

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, his eyebrow raised. "Yes please." 

Brendon stands on his tippy toes to connect our lips, our clasped hands outstretching as he pushes me against the wall, his other hand going down onto my waist. I put my hand in his soft hair, and his tongue enters my mouth, his hand squeezing mine. 

He pulls away and looks up at me, our foreheads pressed together. "Okay yeah. Yeah I think I like you." He says something excitedly, but I can't register it. 

"Dallon? You good?" 

That's all I hear before I pass out, hitting the linoleum floor. 

uwu awsten went bonkers

this is getting worse as it goes along

i have a dentist appointment tomorrow and im high-key panicking because i just found out today and i wouldn't have //thrown up// as much if i knew and my teeth are probably fucked ://

heck!1!1!!11