I'm Fine, Really.

Maybe Some Patients Are Hopeless

i worked out twice today instead of doing homework😎

dallon point of view

It's been a week since I told Brendon my story, and we have been closer than ever. He started making sure that I ate, and goes with my into the bathroom. It's kind of annoying, but nice to know that he cares now.

I still don't know much about him, but we are getting there. He has not had any improvements that I can see on his self harming stance, but I'm in no place for talk. When he goes to sleep, I exercise and sometimes purge as much as I can get out without making noise. 

I lost two pounds since I got here, Sarah and Dr. Iero-Frank, the only medical officials I actually talk to here, are not as impressed as I am.

 "So, Dallon, I noticed you had grown closer to your roommate." Frank says, turning to a clean page in his yellow notepad. "Yeah." "What happened? One day, you two were not even looking at each other, and now he trails behind you like a lost sheep." I smile a little, tapping my fingers on the brown leather of the couch.

"I don't know. We made up I guess. Worked on our differences, apologized to each other." "Apologized for what?" He writes quickly, looking intrigued. "He apologized for slapping me. I apologized for...." I trail off, counting the ceiling tiles. "Dallon? Would you care to continue your sentence?" I shake my head. "No thanks." I stop tapping my fingers, he sighs. 

"Okay. We need to talk about your illness now." I roll my eyes. "Why? Why must we always speak of these 'illnesses'? How is your husband? What color of hair has he been sporting these days?" i try to change the subject. "You cannot avoid this Dallon. His hair is black again, how are you losing so much weight?" 

"Maybe it's genetic. Maybe my metabolism is catching up with me." I say, my voice laced with defiance. "You are going to die." 

"That's not very reassuring. I think our session is over." I point to the clock, smirking. "Have a nice day, Frank." I wave and walk out, he sighs again as the timer on his desk sounds. 

What does he know anyway? He can't control me. 

I go to the activity room, Brendon smiles at me and walks over. "Hey! How was therapy?" 

"It was therapy. We didn't talk about much." He nods and we walk over to the couch where Tyler and Josh sit. Tyler got tubed today so he is pretty bummed out. "How are you doing Tyler?" I ask, sitting next to him.

"Gross." He grumbles, Josh rubs his leg. I'm pretty sure they are dating now, or maybe they just got really close all of a sudden. "It will be over soon though." I say, trying to make him feel better. He shrugs and starts talking to Josh, I talk to Brendon. 

"When do you have therapy?" I ask, tapping my knee. "Uhh I think after lunch, but I don't mind being late to sit with you and Sarah." I shake my head. "No it's okay."

If Brendon isn't there, you can tell Sarah you don't feel well and go to your room and purge. 

"Are you sure?" I nod. "Yeah, go ahead Bren." He smiles at me and we start talking about something else, I just think of my plan for lunch.

We sit down with our food and immediately Brendon is asking why I'm not eating.

"Brendon, we just sat down. Give me a second okay?" He bites his lip and nods. "Sorry." We sit in silence, Brendon eating and I pick at my food. "Dallon-" "I don't feel good." I tell him, knowing exactly what he is going to say.

"Are you okay?" "Why are you so worried about me?" I ask, trying to remain calm. "I don't know, am I allowed to care about you?" "Yes, just, back off a little? I need to go lay down." I pat his hair and he watches me throw away my food, and walk over to Sarah, a sad expression on his face. 

"Erm, Sarah, I don't feel well. Can I go to my room and lay down? I ate all of my breakfast this morning." She sighs and looks around. "I guess so. You have to eat all of your dinner though." 

"I will. Thank you." 

Liar. 

brendon point of view

I feel weird. I feel weird about caring about someone. It has been years since I genuinely cared for someone, it's strange. 

 I watch as Dallon walks down the hallway to our room, his legs don't even brush a little as he walks. I don't get it, how does he look thinner than when he got here?

Shaking my head, I finish my food and go to Dr. Iero's office, for some much dreaded therapy. 

"Afternoon Brendon, have a seat and I will be right with you, sorry." I nod and sit down, he doesn't look up from his computer when he speaks. 

We sit in really awkward silence until he finally turns in his chair. "I'm very sorry about that, me and my husband are trying to adopt a child. Lots of paperwork." I tell him how nice that is, faking a smile. 

"Would you stand and take off your shirt for me? I need to make sure you haven't harmed yourself recently." I frown and nod, sliding off my hoodie. 

"How did this happen?" He asks, pointing to a large bruise on my hip. "That one was an accident. I ran into a table, you can ask anyone." I say, wanting this to be over. He continues poking and inspecting me, which is very unsettling but I go with it. "And these?" He points out a few crescent moon shaped gashes on my bicep. I roll my eyes. "Isn't that a little self explanatory?" I ask, holding up my hand and wiggling my fingers. 

"Okay, put your shirt on. Let's talk." I put my hoodie back on and sit down. "Brendon, why do you do this? What can we do to help you?" 

"Put me out of my misery." He scoffs and writes something down. "What do you want from me doc? I don't think that any of your fancy little pills will help me. Face it: I'm hopeless." I say, looking into his tired, hazel eyes. 

"No patient is hopeless. We just need to work through your problems, you just won't open up." I shrug, "What do you want to know? I told you about my 'trauma'. What else is there?" He just repeats the same things as always, medication, working through it, I tune him out.

Nobody can save me. 

I'll be happy when I'm dead.

The session ends, no breakthroughs recorded. 

Maybe some patients are hopeless.

ugh brendon is so edgy 

dallon needs to hurry up and make him less emo

frank needs to get some rest