The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 5: The Set-up

~Eleanor~

"It's all we can afford, El. I'm sorry, I know it's not what we hoped for." Not what we hoped for is an understatement. We are standing in the middle of what will be our home for the next three to four years, a two room-apartment with a bathroom. To be more precise, there is a bathroom, a bedroom and another room in which there is, or there will be, a couch and a television on one side and a table, a fridge and an oven on the other. Everything is white, from the walls, to the kitchen cabinets, to the sink in the bathroom. There is white everywhere and the worst thing is that we cannot paint the walls another color. We will have to clean everything from the floors to the ceilings and repaint the whole apartment before we move in. The existing paint has a faint yellow tone and the rooms hold a certain smell of cheap cigarettes.

"Good thing my father said he'll pay to get the rugs cleaned." I shudder, looking at the brown rugs covering the floor. I hate rugs. No, I loathe rugs, especially those that I don't know who walked on them before me. Did they have a feet infection, warts, feet onions? Ben doesn't mind, he is used to walking in locker-rooms barefoot and showering in arenas. Not me, and I don't plan on starting just because I move in my first apartment.

No matter how I argue that this place is awful, we were lucky to find it. It is halfway between the university and the arena and it was in our budget after the team raised his pension by two hundred dollars. Most players choose to live in a billet family, so they don't have to worry about cooking or cleaning, but since we wanted to live together, we had no other choice. Ben is standing in the doorway of our future bedroom. I walk towards him and circle his waist with my arms. I brush my nose on his back before planting a soft kiss between his strong shoulder blades.

"We'll be comfortable here, I can feel it. Once there's a bed, a couch, a TV, we'll be just fine." I try to have a more positive attitude, moving to Windsor wasn't his first choice either. My Google Map research showed that we will be 4000 kilometers away from our friends and families once we move here in just five months. I force myself to believe the words I just told him, but the truth is that moving here scares the hell out of me. I never left my parents' house for more than a week and I never went any longer without seeing them. We have to leave everything behind to start a completely new life here. It would excite some people, but it stresses me out. I knew I would leave South Victoria and my parents for college, but I thought I would be back for the weekend. Now, I am not even sure if we'll be able to make the trip back home more than twice a year. 

"Did you hear back from the university?" I shake my head in his back. That is the second thing that stresses me about our move here. I applied to the Windsor University the day after he signed his contract. I was two days past the admission date, but the Spitfires' coach said that he would call to explain the extending circumstances. According to Ben, if they go to such lengths to make sure that he plays for them, it means that he is really important for their set-up next year. But, even if the coach talks to the university's admission department, it doesn't automatically mean that I'll be accepted. The last thing I want would be to move here and do nothing but wait for Ben to get back from his trainings. I want to have my own things to do, otherwise, I think I'll go crazy alone in this apartment.

"No, but I got into UVic. My dad said he got the letter yesterday." Ben's shoulders go down. I shouldn't have said that. He moves so that my arms fall alongside my body. He turns around to face me. I am now in the hallway while he is in the bedroom grabbing the door frame with both his hands. He has a proud smile on his face as he reaches down to caress my cheek with his thumb.

"Of course, you did. They would be stupid to refuse you. I just hope that the Windsor University has the same gift in choosing its students." He gives me a small smile. His other hand leaves the door frame to land on the small of my back. He pulls me towards him, so that I am pressed against his chest. When I speak again, I keep my face buried in his neck.

"What will we do if they don't accept me? I don't want to go to UVic if you're here, but I don't want to move here and not go to school." He kisses the top of my head to reassure me.

"They'll accept you Ella, don't you worry." But I do. I worry because being accepted is not the only thing stressing me out. I need to get a scholarship that covers most if not all my tuition fees to be able to afford moving here. I need to get a job since it's not with Ben's 530$ per month that we will be able to pay rent, food, electricity and everything else. This whole moving thing is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.

Fortunately, I get a call eight days later from the head of the English department of the university. I got in and they offer me a full scholarship. According to the admission representative, I should thank mister Freeman. It was my portfolio that got me in, but it was Ben's coach that got me my scholarship. It's official now. In a little less than five months, I'll be studying English literature and Creative writing at the Windsor University in Ontario. I'll wear blue and gold by day and blue, red and white at night in an unknown arena.

***

Over the next few months, our lives were the same as before. I went to school, visited Ben as often as I could and went to every game possible. In June, I graduated high school. I think that seeing me with my diploma made Ben regret his decision to drop out. He saw everyone he used to go to school with graduate, he had to hear their plans for the future. He used to be a star at South Victoria High, but no one paid attention to him that day, everyone was too focused on themselves. It's crazy how, when you stop seeing a person on a daily basis, you forget about them as easily as this.

I went to prom by myself, or I went with Olive. It was the all-star game of the season in Vancouver and since the Scorpions won the Midget AAA championship this year, they were invited to play in front of some of the best players in British-Columbia, The Vancouver Canucks. To say this was a big deal would be an understatement. Ben and Alexander compared it to a wedding or the birth of their child. Compared to this, our senior prom was nothing. We were disappointed, but we understood. You have to understand when you date a hockey player. You always have to understand. I understood when he was in Richmond on my birthday for a game. I understood every time he didn't sleep over because he had to get up at four or five am the next day. I understand why we have to move to Windsor in our shitty apartment. I understand, but understanding doesn't mean that I don't wish it was any other way. It doesn't mean that I wasn't disappointed to have to slow dance with Olive or that it didn't hurt seeing all my friends with their dates. When I will look at my prom pictures in the future, it'll be Olive and me. I won't have a single picture with Ben. I won't remember him buying me flowers and showing up at my door in the old-fashion car he rented. I won't remember the tie he wore or the way his hair was. I'll remember him texting me to have a good night, to take as many pictures as I could to show him later. I'll remember the sting in my heart when the DJ called all the couples on the dancefloor and I had to stay seated because my boyfriend was three hours away from me, in an arena having the time of his life with professional hockey players. I understood, but I have to admit that I cried when he left after telling me he wasn't going to make it to prom. I understood, but in that moment, I hated hockey. I understand, but sometimes, more often than I'd like to admit, I hate hockey.