The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 29: Trust

~Eleanor~

He's awake, thank fuck for that. Plus, he doesn't look too bad. The fact that he talked about hockey proves that. I am just worried about his memory loss and so is his doctor. They decided to keep him overnight to see if there is any progression or any regression to his general state. He went back to sleep instantly, the doctor's pills probably helping him. I know I won't be getting any sleep tonight. I'll keep obsessing about the many possible ways to tell him that we have to do a pregnancy test. What is the protocol in situations like these? How are you supposed to tell your mildly brain injured boyfriend that it is very possible that you are pregnant? If someone could help me, I would gladly accept any advice. I imagine him running off after I told him, injuring himself more than he already is. Or maybe he will just stand there, not saying anything. I don't know which one I would prefer. I know that the best scenario would be for him to rejoice, but I just can't imagine him reacting that way. I don't know if it's because I wouldn't rejoice, but I just can't picture him crying of joy while hugging me tight telling me it's the best day of his life. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating the happy scenario. No one would react that way to an unplanned "teen" pregnancy. We're twenty, we're not even adults in the US, we still count as teens, right? I remember a girl who used to go to high school with me. She got pregnant junior year and we never knew what happened to her after she gave birth, she just disappeared. Karel Parker was her name. I had never thought about her before. I almost want to look for her on Facebook, but it would be too much. I'll see how I feel after we do the test.

Three hours go by before someone walks in the room again. Ben is still fast asleep, and I am still wide awake. It's my favorite nurse, Denise. She gives me a big smile when she sees me sitting in the same position as she left. "You should go take a walk," is the first thing she tells me. I shake my head, pretexting a headache. I have cried so much today, I don't understand why I don't have a headache. Maybe I'm still running on the adrenaline.

"Would you like some acetaminophen? It's safe during pregnancies. I'm just saying." She raises her arms at the last sentence. I know she is just trying to be nice, but I would like for her to keep her comments to herself. She's his nurse, not mine. I politely decline. I don't want a cure for my fake headache. I rub my hands on my face to try and relieve some of the accumulated tension. I probably lost all of my make-up during my long hours of crying, but I still feel gross like my face as been licked by a dog for the past hour. I shudder just at the thought of having my face licked by a dog.

"Whatever happens, I am sure he'll be there for you. I have a special detector when it comes to boys. I can easily detect assholes, and he isn't one." She covers her mouth when she realizes what she just said. She apologizes, and I tell her she doesn't have to. I have heard and thought way worse than that. Plus, it made me laugh.

"I just don't know how to tell him," I say while looking at his sleeping form. "How am I supposed to ruin his life like that?" I feel the tears coming back once again. Nurse Denise shakes her head as she grabs another chair to sit next to me.

"A baby doesn't ruin a life, my dear. It makes it more complicated, yes. More stressful too, but it brightens it more than anything else ever will. Pure love like the one a baby has for its parents doesn't ruin anything, trust me." I try very hard to not cry, but she makes it really hard. Her arm is now around my shoulders, making me regret all my thoughts from earlier. I am really glad that this woman is by my side in this moment.

"I'm just scared of how he'll react, you know. He can be impulsive, and he's already hurt. I don't want to make it worse." She smiles again, her eyes fixed on the hospital bed.

"React to what?" A raspy voice comes from the bed. I turn to see where the nurse was looking to see Ben wide awake in his bed. I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands, feeling the tears wanting to escape. I don't have a choice now. I have to tell him. I have a last look at the nurse who is in the doorway. She mouths: "trust him," before leaving the room.

I face him once again. He asks his question again when he sees the tears in my eyes. He looks in pain, but even more worried. It's time Ella. Just say it. It's just words, and you're good with words. If only I could write it to him. Okay, here we go.

"I think I'm pregnant." Blank. Nothing. He stays immobile and silent for what seems like forever. He opens his mouth many times to say something, but he closes it immediately. I start playing with my fingers, avoiding his eyes.

"You think, so you're not sure?" he says after a while. I shake my head. "I was waiting for you," I say.

He nods confidently. "Then let's do a test right now."

Do you guys think Eleanor is pregnant or not?? 😱