The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 23: The Unkept Mental Note

~Eleanor~

When I wake up on Thursday, the left-side of our bed is empty. On his pillow are three VIP tickets to tonight's game against the Kingston Frontenacs. Beside it, there's a piece of paper with words I can't decipher from where I am laying. I have to get up on one elbow to read the words that were meant for me.

Good morning beautiful,

I got you and your friends tickets to tonight's game in hope that it will create a bridge between both our worlds.

Love you, Ben xx

Ever since our fight on Tuesday night, we have been tip-toeing around each other, only talking about superficial subjects like our respective schedules, what happened at work or at school, and the weather. For the first time in my life, I felt like I couldn't be myself around him and I hated every second of it. I felt like a stranger in my own relationship, something I never thought possible, especially with Ben. I see that he is making a lot of efforts to show more interest in what I do at school. He asked when the next reading was after apologizing profusely for not being able to come to London this weekend. I rarely felt he was sincere when he would apologize for missing out on an activity or an event where Blair and Vivienne would be present, but I know that, this time, he was. I could see it in his eyes. He has always been easy to read because of his tell-all eyes, that's one of the main reasons why he avoids eye contact at all cost when we are fighting. I remember knowing he loved me way before he actually told me. I saw something change in his eyes when he would look at me around four months after we started dating, they were softer, kinder even. A week after noticing that small change, he told me he was in love with me and I believed him. I never had a reason not to, and I still don't. He still looks at me the same way, even if we fight a lot more. The only thing I am sure of is that he loves me, and that he googled the bridge sentence in his note. That's so not his typical choice of words. He would have said something like "make us close again" instead of that bridge thing. 

I sigh when I read his message again. Of course, it had to be tonight, the only night this week when I have something planned. We arranged it all yesterday at lunch. Since we finish school at five, we would all have dinner together, we would hang out until it was time to leave for the theater. Blair and Vivienne weren't hard to convince. Who would turn down free tickets to a wonderful play? Not that it changes anything, it just gives me an excuse as to why we can't go to the game tonight. I would have never brought the girls to a hockey game, it would have revealed my secret in the worst possible way. They would have seen Ben's name on a jersey, they would have asked questions, and that would have been the end of our friendship. I make a mental note to text Ben the bad news once I am sure he is out of practice. I would have loved to go to his game, I haven't been to one in a long time since most of them have been on the road. It's weird to say, but I miss the arena. I got attached to a building, how sappy is that? I roll my eyes at my own reaction as I get out of bed to get ready for the day.  

***

We had a crazy day at school today. In Compared Literature, the professor made us compare romantic and modern poetry which couldn't be further apart. We had to write a five-hundred-word essay after a three-hour lecture. If that wasn't enough, our Screenplay Writing professor made us coach students who study acting so they could act out our scenarios. The girls and I barely had time for lunch, swallowing two carrots in between coaching definitely not counting. Let's just say we were more than happy to call it a day at five-thirty when the last future actors left the classroom. We were so hungry we didn't even take time to stop by the girl's dorm, so they could get changed, we went directly to the restaurant. The bowl of carbonara pasta I ordered was so good, I finished it so quickly I felt like I was about to explode when I was done. Usually, I don't mind the egg yolk they put on top, but tonight, just seeing it made me nauseous. After careful manipulations, Vivienne succeeded in transferring it onto her own plate. Blair wanted me to call the waitress back, but I couldn't do that, I would have felt way too bad.

That misfortune brought back the subject of pregnancy to the table. Even if I told them yesterday that I couldn't be pregnant since I never missed a day with my contraception, they still try to convince me do to a test. I refused half because I am certain that I am not pregnant and half because I don't want to do the test. I know the pill fails sometimes, I just want to stay convinced that it only fails with other people. I know it's stupid. My mother would probably call it a defense mechanism, but I don't care. I am not pregnant.

We walk into the theater at half past seven, only a few minutes before the show starts. We are asked kindly to turn off our phones which we do immediately after sitting down. I remember the last time I read The Death of a Salesman, it was during our senior year of high school and Olive found the book depressing, so I proposed to make flash-cards for her before the exam. It worked very well for the both of us. This reminds me that I haven't called Olive in a while. I should do that later, maybe before I leave for London tomorrow. I don't have to time to make any more plans, they start raising the curtain. My excitement grows the more the red velvet tissue goes up.