The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 42: Settle (part 2)

~Ben~

"Technically, you could still play for us next year. You're only nineteen and you'll turn twenty in September, so it means you're still ok for major junior hockey. If it's the best choice for you Johnson, I don't know." I am sitting in front of the two scariest men I have ever met, Coach Freeman and Mr. Moore. I still want to hit the latter in the face for what he tried to do to El, but Mr. Freeman requested for him to be there. Thankfully, he hasn't said a word yet. The conversation is between the coach and me.

"Do you think I have good chances to be drafted in the pros?" That is the most stress-filed question I have asked in my entire life. All my dreams rely on his answer. I cross my fingers that are hidden under the solid wood desk.

"You did. You were the one I was the least anxious about, but then you got hurt. Pretty bad. You'll miss the chance to be seen by recruiters, you'll have less ice time than the others, you'll fall in the stats because of it. It's all a bit uncertain now, Benji. I'm sorry," he says with an apologetic look. He knows my whole future depends on professional hockey. He knows I have nothing else. I nod, looking down at the floor. He must see the despair in my eyes because he adds: "But, if they compare your ice time with your stats, you still have a chance." We both know they don't do that. They look at the stats board and they compare it to your performance when they saw you play. Right now, I have neither. My stats will fall the longer I stay benched, and they won't see me play. My chances are close to zero.

"Of course, we would be happy to keep you for another year. Great player, great captain, the city loves you." Oh, so he talks now? It's Mr. Moore's first intervention in the last fifteen minutes. I can't believe he brought up the fact that the city loves me, like I give a damn if the old men from Windsor who have nothing better to do than focus on OHL hockey love me. I roll my eyes discretely, I don't want to have to do one hundred push-ups when I come back because of insubordination.

"The most important question here isn't what you'll do, but why are you suddenly so worried about it?" I have always admired my coach's way to know when something is wrong. It's like he can sense it when something isn't right in his locker room. He knew it when Blouin was half-high and half-drunk at a practice. He kept David on the bench for an entire game once. No one knew why, and no one understood, until David told us his father had just been diagnosed with leukemia when we went to the bar after the game. Freeman didn't know either, he just felt that something was wrong with David. I know I don't have a choice, but to tell him.

"My girlfriend and I just got some news, that's all." I try and stay vague because of Moore's presence. I don't want this guy to know. The coach nods before looking at the owner.

"The boy wants more money, Travis. It's that simple, right Johnson?" I stay imperturbable, not giving anything away.

"Paul, could I have a moment alone with my player please?" With no further ado, Paul Moore gets up and leaves the room. Mr. Freeman leans his elbows on the desk, getting closer to me. He raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to speak.

"She's pregnant," I say while looking directly at him. "We're keeping it," I add, making him raise his eyebrows. We stay silent for a moment. I let him gather his thoughts, he'll either yell at me or he'll give me great advice. For most of the players, myself included, coach Freeman is kind of our father here, so we come here for fatherly advice.

"That's a big news, Johnson. It's a big decision especially at your age," he takes a pause before speaking again. "You'll never have the possibility to be selfish again because someone else's needs will always have to come before yours. You'll feel guilty every time you leave for more than a few hours, you'll be tired all the time, you'll worry all the time, but it will also be the most amazing thing in the world. I am not going to convince you to change your mind, if you're here it's because you're sure. I can help you though, what would you like me to do for you?" His answer warms my heart and scares the living hell out of me at the same time. Am I selfish or did he say that generally?