The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 14: Size Problems

~Eleanor~

Ever since I turned fifteen, I never had to worry about clothes sizes. I have always worn a small 34B when it comes to bras and a size four always fitted me perfectly. For five years I could just walk into a store, grab what I liked, pay for it and go back home. There was no need for fittings since it was always the same. I always used it as an excuse to spend as little time as possible at the mall. When friends asked me to go shopping with them, I always denied, saying I preferred to shop alone. When I did go, I never bought anything. I just watched my friends try out some clothes, just so they could model them in front of me. When they asked why I never tried anything on, I always said I wasn't in the mood to take off my own clothes fifteen times in the span of two hours. They would never buy anything, and neither would I. Anyway, who really shops with friends, especially when you're sixteen? We always ended up sitting at the food corner gossiping about everything and everyone. No one ever buys anything except a six-inch sandwich at Subway. But not today. Today, for the first time in five years, I am standing in my bra and panties in a dressing room at Forever 21. On the floor, there are four pairs of jeans, a blouse, a pale blue dress and a denim skirt, each a size four. I turn around trying to see every angle of my body to figure out what happened. I pinch my hips, my stomach, my thighs. They don't feel bigger, but they must be.

Someone knocks on the cabin door. Seconds later, Blair's voice fills up my ears. Did I ever mention that it is never a good idea to ignore Blair? Well it isn't. She knocks again, asking me to unlock the door. I throw my grey sweater on and unlock the door. I sign her to enter the cabin. She gives me a questioning look.

"Am I crazy or is this your shirt?" I nod, my eyes still focused on my thighs. "Ella, the point is to try on new clothes not the ones you already own. I know you are not familiar with the concept, but this is how it works" She laughs, but I don't join her. I turn towards her and raise my sweater in the air.

"Do you think I gained weight?" I give her a swirl, my tone uncertain.

"Is that a trick question?" I shake my head.

"To Ben it would've been, but I want the truth from you." She gives me a sign asking me to turn around again.

"I do not think so. Do you think you have gained weight?" So diplomatic, so Blair. I look at myself in the mirror sighing.

"I always fitted perfectly in a size four," I point to the pile of clothes on the floor. "Those are a size four and they're extremely tight, like to the point where I don't think I would fit into a six." I sigh again pinching the skin on my belly once again.

"Clothes are made smaller these days. Do not overthink it, El. You fit into a six, buy a six. You need an eight, buy an eight." I wish I could think this way. It's not that I am afraid of gaining weight, it's just that I never refrained myself from eating everything I wanted, and I never gained a pound. Olive used to be upset about it since she can't even look at a cake and not gain weight. Those were her words, not mine. I wonder what changed, that's all. I think about every meal I had in the past few weeks, I don't recall over eating or eating junk that much. I had to eat more than I think I did to gain two sizes in a few weeks.

I end up buying a black dress with small white dots for the reading next weekend. It's a very special reading since it's in London. Blair, Vivienne and I are going together but I am the only one reading. It's the final of the metaphor and analogy contest that we entered two weeks ago. When we left the reading, after our small fight in the hallway, Ben and I had agreed on leaving our phones at home to spend a reconnecting weekend in a chic five-star hotel. We all know that it's not what happened but that's not the point here. The point is that we left the reading before they announced the winner, so on Sunday morning, when I woke up for the second time, I looked at my phone for the first time since we left the school's library on Friday night. I had four missed calls from Blair and three texts from Vivienne all saying I had to call her back ASAP, so I did. My love analogy won the contest. With the three-hundred-dollar gift certificate came an invitation to the final in London. I couldn't believe it. The first contest I win comes with an all-expense paid trip to London. Blair's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"Are you coming to the party tonight in our dorm?" I shake my head. Ben has a game tonight and I promised him I would go because it's their first game since the bathroom incident. I decided to refer to it as the bathroom incident because, well it happened just outside the bathroom, and because I needed to use the bathroom right afterwards.

"No, I have something planned with Ben." She rolls her eyes as she always does when I use that excuse.

"Something," she quotes the word with her fingers. "You always say that. When are we going to know what something is?" I laugh as I hand my debit card to the cashier.

"We're having dinner with his uncle. You happy?" She nods, and I relax. Thank god, disaster avoided.

"Can we go get to the drug store before we go? I need to renew my contraceptive pills' prescription," she says without looking at me. I nod but wonder. When was the last time mine was renewed? I am probably due too. My mother was right, I should've have chosen the IUD. Once it's in there, you just forget about it unlike the pill that you have to remember every day. Maybe I could change it? I'll have to make an appointment with my doctor the next time I'm in BC.