The firefighter's smile

Chapter Twelve

After an entire week of bed rest, the Squad 3 Lieutenant was back on the road of recovery, on the long road of physical therapy. More stubborn than never. He had never accepted failure and he never will that's for sure.

"I can do this!" He groaned, sweat running down his face after thirty minutes of exercises.

The parallels bars were nightmares. The fact that he could just take one, two in good days wasn't helping at all. However, Charlotte was truly helping him. She passed every day with him, accompanied him and entertained him: one of her bad jokes always made him smile. That continued for weeks, her being here. But there was something he didn't know: she wasn't the only one here at every one of his session, watching him trying to catch his former life back. Wallace was here, watching him sweating, yelling, falling, crying, raging through the glasses of the room. If a part him was worried, the other was still mad at him for not telling him the truth. That what he wanted to talk to him about, one day after his session of physical therapy, at the moment when Smith left to go to the bakery not that far from the hospital, in order to celebrate with him what the doctor called "a magnificent success" because, even if he couldn't walk already, he had achieved more than any of his patient would have in the same amount of time.

"Hi, Chief!" Severide greeted Boden when this latter stepped in the room.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, I guess. It could have been worst"

The congratulations of his doctor clearly cheered him up, that was noticeable.

"Or nothing should have happened" The Bataillon Chief spilled out.

"What?"

"None of that should have happened if you hadn't fooled everyone or if you had told me the truth when I asked you to."

At this stage of the discussion, Severide, unable to run away, to not see the disappointment in the sight of his Chief, could only lower his eyes.

"I know that Darden's death was a lot to take after what happened to Charlotte but it wasn't an excuse to hide something that big in order to not worried us"

"You don't understand." Severide eventually said.

"I don't understand what?" Wallace asked.

"I get injured in the same fire in which Andy died. If I refused to let it guide my life, to give it that much importance, it's because it's a reminder of this day. The day where my best friend died, the day where I screwed up."

The Chief of the Firehouse 51 was caught off guard by the admission of his Lieutenant and friend and the tears that were rolling down.

"I should have vent the back... if I had done this as asked, he would still be there and I wouldn't be injured and... I keep having nightmares, I keep seeing him asking me why the hell I didn't vent the back, why did I take his family from him, why..."

"Kelly, Andy's demise was a disaster, an unfortunate accident" Boden cut him off, not able to see his Lieutenant in such a state of mind.

"I'd seen a doctor, Shay forced me to but when she told me that I... It was a miracle that I could still work with this injury however now the surgery was a need but that I might lose my job I get scared... I didn't want to lose that to" He continued, swallowing his sob. "I lost Charly, I lost Andy, I lost Matt and I lost myself... I couldn't lose what kept the thoughts away. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm..."

Without even thinking, Wallace pulled him by his wrists and hugged him as tight as he could. He couldn't bear watching one of the best men he'd the chance to work with to fall apart.

"Everything's going to be okay, son!" He attempted to comfort him, not really knowing he's telling the truth or not.

It was at this moment than Charly showed up, two boxes of pastries and two smoothies in hands.

"Hi, Chief." She simply smiled.

"Hi, Smith" He replied, letting go the embrace he had on his Lieutenant.

"You want a donut?"

"No, thanks"

"I mean it. I bought approximately half the shops" she continued.

"Go for a cinnamon one then" He accepted. 

"DONUTS!" Firefighter Smith screamed when she walked in the common room of the firehouse for her third shift.

"You still have the chores to do" Her Lieutenant joked.

"Then, no donuts for you, Lieutenant!"

Quickly, all her colleagues were around hern choosing one donut.

"Don't touch this one!" She shouted while Herrmann tries to take the only cinnamon one. "This one is for the Chief! Connie told me it's his favorite one so don't even try to eat this one". 

"I have to go to the firehouse, the shift is about to start" Wallace announced.

"Can you ask... just tell Matt I need to talk to him, please" Severide demanded.

"Yeah, sure! See you soon"

"Bye, Chief!" Charlotte smiled, waiting for Wallace to leave in order to talk to the injured fireman. "So... You talked to him"

"If you don't mine I don't want to talk about that" he replied, ashamed for his break down.

"Sure. No problem. A donut?"

"I'm not hungry, sorry." 

At the firehouse.

"Shay, my office now!" Boden required, now knowing the truth.

The paramedic followed him, closed the door behind her and faced her Chief. When she crossed the mad and disappointed look gaze, she knew she was in trouble.

"Hypothetically, if someone you care about come to you and request your help, what would you do?" He asked.

"Help him, I guess"

"No matter what?"

"Of course"

"So if this friend of your ask you help about his own health, what would you do?" He continued.

"Forced him to go see a doctor and fix the problem"

"Then, as a friend, I perfectly understand that you tried to help Severide the way you did. But as a paramedic? I expected better! You consciously let him worked and put everybody in this firehouse and the other at risk"

"Chief, I..."

"I speak, you listen!"

"Yes, sir."

"He needed help sooner. He needed to see a doctor on the same day that happened. Then, you tell me: what if he had died during a call become his neck give up? What if your colleagues and friends get hurt or worse because he wasn't able to help them?" Boden asked, angry in his voice.

"I never thought about it."

"That the problem! Dismissed!" 

At the hospital.

When Casey arrived at the hospital, in order to see his friend, the visiting hours was down for a long time but thanks to April Sexton he was able to see him. Nevertheless, Kelly was sleeping as was Charlotte in the bed beside him, that was what he thought.

"I'm glad you came."

"Chief said you wanted to talk to me" Matt replied.

"Yeah, erm... I got plenty of time to think since the accident and... just so you know I'm sorry, truly so sorry for what I said to you about Andy and about Heather and..." He tried to explain without letting his emotions win.

"It's fine Kel, I shouldn't have let you down too. But now, the only thing you did to think about is to get better. We need you and your grumpy face at the firehouse."