Forbidden Feelings

Chapter 19

What is coming out of the teachers mouth is nothing but a blur and i swear my eyes are glazing over.

My page consists of nothing but doodles and song lyrics and i cant seem to focus on anything other than Alex Reed.

My heart is on overdrive and this is getting too much to handle. Too much to hide.

If my brother loved me he would be happy for me no matter what.

I could never tell him.

But i want to. It isn't fair on my heart.

I look up at the clock on the wall and like some sick trick i realize its only been ten minutes.

I notice something move in the corner of my eye and i look out the window to see the boy i can't stop thinking about.

He is the only one out on the field kicking the ball into the net and retrieving it again. 

This world is against me.

I watch him for a short while and can't help but notice his muscles move under his shirt. 

While i am watching though i know something is off and in that moment Alex grips the ball and throws it full force against the fence before kicking it again into the fence once its rolled back.

Something is clearly wrong.

My brain and heart can clearly make their mind up because i find myself standing and raising my hand for the teachers attention

"Yes Miss Flynn?" Mr Smith pauses during a slideshow.

"May i be excused? It's urgent!"

This boy needs me.

"Go ahead" Mr Smith continues with his slideshow and i grab all my things into my bag and leave instantly.

I leave through the back of school and straight up to the field.

As i get closer i slow down and stay quiet.

I find butterflies growing in my stomach as i get closer but they stop as soon as i here an angry grunt from Alex and a rattle which must have been him kicking the ball against the fence again.

I slide into the field area through the fence and lean against the solid fence on the school side knowing nobody can see me from school and Alex has his back to me.

Do i be funny? Do i just ask him what's wrong?

Ugh.

"You know, In football you have to get the ball in the goal? Not against the fence, I thought you would have known that?" I look at the back of his head.

Once he hears me he snaps around looking like a deer in headlights and for the first time i see a glimpse of insecurity in his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" At first i thought he was being off and taking out whatever it is on me but i look at him and he has the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen.

I point down to science class and he looks puzzled but still smiling.

"I saw you from that window just now, kicking and throwing the ball" I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow.

Alex sighs and nods.

"Just tense that's all" The pure and honest smile before is replaced by an almost grimace smile and i cannot take it.

"That's a lie. You can speak to me, if you want" I motion to the classroom and laugh "i have time" I shrug and smile.

I find myself sinking down to sit on the floor which makes me hidden from the rest of school.