Okay

1.

It was a Thursday, in Septemeber. I just got out of the steaming shower, the hot water still running down my bare back. I sighed and looked into the mirror frowning.

"I hate you" I say aloud staring into my own bright blue eyes that had dulled into a harsh grey over time. I then looked over to my messy hair that hadn't been cut in almost 2 months, it had begun turning into a fringe which didn't bother me much at the time.

'I mean so what if I look like one of those emo kids now, not like I care.' My thoughts repeated. Of course, I absolutely cared and would regret my decision to not just 'make a fucking appointment already' like my brain had been telling me for weeks. I couldn't be bothered to though.

When I finally collected myself, I went over to my closet and looked for something to wear. It didn't matter what it was as long as it covered up the majority of my body.

Eventually, I picked a red shirt and black jeans, the shirt being covered by the blue hoodie that I've been wearing recently, since burning my black one.

Once I left my room I begrudgingly walked down the stairs to where my parents were probably making breakfast. 

"Hey Hunny!" My mom called "I'm making breakfast would you like some?" I ignored her and walked to the door grabbing my shoes and putting them on.

"Hunny, please don't ignore me... I went to all this trouble to make this for you." My mom once again tried to get me to eat.

She showed me the plate of scrambled eggs and bacon that she prepared for me. It was shaped in a little smiley face like when I was younger. The smile being the bacon and the eyes were egg bits.

My dad gives me a smile as he walks downstairs.
I couldn't help but give in to my mothers sad looking face.

"I'm running late right now mom, that's all. I promise I'll eat it right when I get home okay?" I tried to sound genuine as I talked so I wouldn't upset her more.

She gave me a small smile and put my plate in the fridge.

"Okay, see you when you get home, love you"

"Love you too mom"

I then walked out of the door feeling heavy, I hate lying to her all of the time. I knew I wouldn't eat that and it would just go to waste, I knew she knew it too.

I thought about going to the Cemetery, for the third time that week. I got happy thinking about how I'd be able to talk to my twin brother again. I dashed off in the wrong direction stopping myself sadly.

"School first" I said aloud reminding myself, the sadness already getting to me.

———

I walked down the hallway, other students yelling about and pushing into others absentmindedly. I cringed watching them.

'How can they just push into each other without getting anxiety?' I thought to myself staring at the crowd curiously.

As I was walking I noticed people were watching me too, so I sped faster to my homeroom. Ever since Shaun, my brother, left everyone looked at me different. Everyone used to leave me alone when he was around.

_________

I stepped into my classroom after homeroom, looking down as I sat in my seat.

"Hey Nathan!" There was that voice again, the one that bothered me to no end when im upset.. yet also made me so happy in the strangest way.

"Hey Kory" I responded as happily as possible. It makes me sick how fake I've been lately. I wish that I could be more genuine about how I felt, but I definitely couldn't play victim. Nobody would treat me well if I did that. Especially after Shaun.

"So I was thinking, if your not busy we should go down to the park over the weekend or something. NOT LIKE A DATE OR ANYTHING" he immediately clarified before I could even process what he originally said.

"Okay...? I knew what you meant" I pretend to laugh, it hurt but I do it anyways.

"Just making sure"

"Right.."

"So um, I've actually been wanting to talk to you recently.. about something" I feel my stomach drop almost immediately, hoping he didn't figure out anything bad.

I awkwardly shuffle around in my seat waiting for him to speak, he doesn't seem like he will. So instead I look away hoping he loses his train of thought.

"Actually never mind.. "

Yes!

"I'll just tell you later"

Damnit.