"I don't mean for things to be as hard as they have been with jack lately, but it seems like all we do is fight anymore. I mean we've been together for a year and we don't even live together yet, I just don't know what I should do. do I bring it up to him? do I wait for him to bring it up? everyone thinks is super weird that we don't live together and I just want us to take the next step." I say to doctor g sitting in front of me, as of recently, I've started to see a therapist because things are getting bad again and I don't want to spiral. dr. g looks at me, and she writes something down, then looks at me again.
"now Tessa, I think that if you are ready for that step, it is worth mentioning with him, you are just as equally in this relationship as him and you shouldn't feel obligated to not talk about these things with him. if he isn't ready, you respect that and I would suggest just waiting for a little bit before you ask again. your opinions and your thought are valid and you need to recognize that everything that you think and feel is completely okay, and if you feel the need to discuss it, you should." she says as she smiles at me. her phone dings, "okay girlie, times up, I'll see you next Tuesday, okay?" I nod at her and grab my things.
"see you next Tuesday," I say as I shut her office door. I sigh as I think about what she said. Jack and I have lived together before, it wouldn't be anything new, I just don't know why he doesn't want to live with me now. I text Jack and tell him my appointment is over and that I'm on my way over.
Jack: "now is not good Tess, don't"
Tessa: "what's going on?"
Jack: "nothing"
I call Alissa, and before she even says hi, I start ranting to her. "he does this all the time, and it's always unprecedented. even JJ won't tell me what's going on like as if there's someone there with him, and I think there might be, there are always little clues that girls leave right before I get there. I trust jack wouldn't do that, but there's always a part of me that just doesn't exactly believe that. I feel like he's seeing someone behind my back and I feel like he's been doing it for a while.
I may just be in denial but for so long ill find clothes that look like something I would wear but I'm not quite sure I have and he'll try to pass it off as a gift that he took out of the bag for me. he just doesn't make any sense Alissa, and he pisses me off."
Alissa and I made up after my therapist told me the only reason I pushed her away was team 10.
"well, baby, I think you should go over there now, and finally find out for yourself, you've been pushing it off for so long and I think you deserve to know," she says and I nod my head
"you're right Lissa, I'm gonna go over there and find out for myself." I say "okay, love you and if it's true, expect me at your house in an hour or so." she says bye and hangs up. I make my way to jacks house and think about everything the whole way there, I don't want it to be true, I don't want this to ever be true. I want jack to be the man I marry and I cannot and will not be able to handle this if it's true.
after a 20 minute drive, I pull up outside of the jacks house. and outside sits a car I have never seen before. and I walk in, and there are sneakers there, and then there's a pair of sneakers that are made for a female, and I walk into the den, and there they are. jack and the girl that always ruins my relationships. Meredith Mickelson.
"Ya know, I don't deserve this. I do not deserve this jack. are you serious? Meredith Mickelson, there's no originality in your cheating strategy? I mean you did to me exactly what chance did. are you proud of that?" I say, and Jack jumps back. he moves away from her, and I know the bullshit lies will spew out of his mouth soon enough.
"Tessa," he says, plainly as he possibly could.
"fuck you," I say as I make my way toward the door.
"Tessa, let me explain," he says as he catches up to me, standing in front of the door, and I glance over toward the entrance to the den. and there she stands, jacket in hand.
"get the fuck out of my face, leave, and never fucking come back," I say to her, and without missing a beat, she grabs her shoes and walks out the door.
"and as for you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, and I most certainly do not want to hear your reasoning for doing this. I simply do not care. you made your decision. you dug your grave, now lay in it." I say as I walk around him and open the door.
I get in my car and I want to cry, but I can't. there are no tears there, there's nothing coming out of me except for the heat radiating off of my body from being so angry. I put my head on the top of the steering wheel and I hear my passenger door open.
"t, look at me." it's JJ.
"you knew, you knew this was going on and you didn't say anything," and my voice cracks a little bit, here come the tears.
"Tessa, I've known him since kindergarten, he told me that he would tell you. he said it was a one-time thing, and he said it would never happen again," he says as he turns in the seat to face me.
"how long has it been?" I ask, not exactly wanting to hear the answer.
"I think like, three weeks," he says. and I think back to three weeks ago, trying to remember what was going on around that time, and then I remember, I had to go to Paris for a trip with Tristan and he was really mad about it because he couldn't go because he had tour stuff to do.
suddenly, I am filled with pure anger, Jack knows that Tristan and I work together, that's all, we make videos, we have a contract stating we have to, the trip was strictly business and Jack knows that I am loyal, he slept with Meredith out of spite, he did it to hurt me.
"j, I know he's your best friend, so I am going to kindly ask you to leave my car before you go back in there and tell him how I'm in rough shape and crying my eyes out and stuff. so, please, get out." I say, wiping a tear that fell from my eye. he nods his head, knowing that's exactly what he was going to do. he gets out of the car, and I sit there for what feels like days, crying my eyes out in the driveway of the boy who broke my heart. I am too broken to move, driving at this point is too much of a chore.
I look up and I see him, walking toward me, walking toward my car, his hair bouncing as he makes his way, he looks perfect, of course, he looks fucking perfect, of course, the boy who just broke my heart walks my way looking absolutely stunning.
"Tessa," he starts, "I want you to know that I am so, so sorry." he looks down, I can't help but look at him. We make eye contact, and there are his big brown eyes, those perfect fucking eyes, looking straight into mine.
"Not to sound like my mom, but, sorry didn't do it, Jack, you did." I feel the tears streaming down my face at this point, they're rolling down my cheeks, falling from my face to my legs.
"I know I did it, but I don't know why." He says. The thought of him mindlessly cheating on me does not make this any better.
"You act like that makes the situation better, that just tells me that I was good to you and you did it for the hell of it, you did it to hurt me. You're just like Chance, you didn't want the best for me, you wanted this, to see me destroyed, sitting in your driveway, broken. fuck you." I say. I have nothing else for him. I start my car, he opens his mouth to say something and after a couple of seconds, he does.
"This started because of your little business trip with Tristan and you know that I know JJ told you how long this has been going on," he says
"My BUSINESS trip, was just that, BUSINESS. Tristan and I have a contract that states we have to work together for optimal revenue, we make two videos every two months and my MANAGER set up the Paris trip, so maybe before you go and cheat on your next girlfriend you want to make sure you sort out your insecurity issues because I have never given you a reason to doubt my loyalty, you're just insecure." I say and with that, I drive away. I call Alissa.
"Hey, so be at my house, please, he was there and so was she, I need you to come over," I say.
She says, "I'll be there before you are, I love you, Tessa, you'll be okay" and I tell her I love her too and hang up. I need to get home, everything's getting a little hazy on this drive, I can't really see anything anymore.
