The Free Spirit

Learning To Love Again, 1965 (Part Two)

"If they gave me a fortune, my pleasure would be small. I could lose it all tomorrow and never mind at all. But if I should lose your love dear, I don't know what I'd do, for I know I'll never find another you..."

Don was in Germany in mid-June, both touring and recording German songs with Phil, when I finally opened the letter. I knew that because no matter how angry I was with him, I always made sure I knew his schedule. It was ten at night in London when I finally opened the letter. I sat and stared at it for an hour first, and then I finally opened it. Scribbled on it was Don's elegantly messy handwriting that tugged at my heartstrings whenever I saw it, because usually, it meant that he was writing me a love letter. Also inside the envelope was a folded piece of paper that fell out onto the counter, but I ignored it in favour of the letter. With a hefty sigh, I read it.

Dear Catherine,

I know I've seemed so angry with you lately, but I thought I was just trying to protect you and keep you safe. As it turns out, you were right - it wasn't that, it was me trying to protect my views from you. I shouldn't have done that, not when I promised you that I would love and support you no matter what, even if you drive me crazy sometimes. It was you doing crazy things that made me fall in love with you, though. But baby, I can't handle being apart from you anymore. I need you so much, it hurts me when I'm not by your side. I just want to hold you in my arms one more time, and kiss you like I used to. Before Maggie was born, I couldn't remember the last time we'd kissed, and my lips long to feel yours on them again. I love you so damn much, but my heart can't take this anymore.

I know you're upset with me, and still are despite all of my attempts to apologise. I don't know what it'll take to get you to forgive me. I've tried a hundred things and they just won't work. I promise I'll be the loving and supportive husband I said I would be, and I'll stand by your side and tell everyone how proud I am to be your husband while you're out there making the world a better place. And it's true, I am so proud of you for all that you've done. Your first album was a work of art and it deserved the attention it got, and I was so proud to tell people that Catherine Cromwell was my wife! But if this letter isn't enough for you, then I hate to say it, but we've gotta think of something. The children don't deserve this from us. They don't deserve watching us argue and live apart. If you won't take me back, then we need to talk about a divorce. It just broke my heart to even conceive that word, let alone write it. I hope it doesn't come to that, Catherine, but no matter what decision you make, I will always love you. You are my one true love, and there will never be anyone else for me but you. Even if we do divorce, I will always love you and no one will ever take your place in my heart.

Please write back soon, or even better, call me. I miss hearing your voice. I guess if I don't hear from you soon, then I guess I'll have to find a divorce lawyer. Please don't make me do that, baby. I don't want to divorce you. I love you so, so much.

Your husband,

Don

P.S. - I signed that form for the birth control and included it with this letter. Go out there and change the world, baby, whether you'll have me by your side or not. I love you.

My heart broke. He still loved me so much despite all of the shit I put my poor husband through. He still loved me even though I was so cruel to him, and so cold to him. He still loved me even though I had put him through an actual storm from hell. And if I didn't love him back, he would be forced to find a divorce lawyer. I hated the thought of divorcing my Don. I didn't want to divorce him, either, and I didn't want to give him the choice. I then looked at the folded piece of paper on the counter, and it indeed was a signed consent form for me to take to the family planning clinic. It was finally around eleven-thirty in the evening when I called the hotel that he was staying at, and the concierge answered.