Scars Or Tattoo's?

Chapter 8

A week had passed. Things were calming down with the Club. A carnival was coming to town and Chibs noticing that Phoebe was a little more sadden these last few days decided to take her to the carnival, liven up her spirits and introduce her to his brothers. She smiled at home when he was there but he knew something was not quite right. Tonight he would ask her and insist on a little fun town this weekend.

~~~~~~~~

Phoebe knew Chibs had things going on at the club, she also knew how Jax just had his son delivered and how awful that situation had been, but Chibs kept her in the know that Able was doing very well. Phoebe had went out and bought a few baby gifts for Chibs to take to his welcome home party. She had found online a cute biker baby outfit with booties that looked like biker boots. She hoped Chibs and Jax would love them when they seen them. She had hoped one day she could hold the tiny infant in her arms. She had always wanted a child, but had come to realize a few years ago that that was never going to happen, not for one reason but for many. But just to hold him for a few minutes.

Phoebe had just started the grill out on the deck when she heard his very familiar bike coming around the corner. And it suddenly hit her out of nowhere that he is living with her. He comes back to her each night, wakes with her each morning, had dinner with her each night, unless he is on a run with the club. When did this happen? How did this happen? She was doing his laundry and more kept showing up. He was a sneaky man. But they fit together. He was so kind at home, so gentle and was always doing things around the house that she didn't even ask him to do. And never complained. And as she stared off into the ocean she could see from her deck he had walked around behind her and took her in his arms.

"Welcome home Filip" as she turned to kiss him. She felt a joy with him holding her.

"Good to be home my lass"

"Filip, you live here, did you know that"?

Smiling, "Aye, I wondered when you'd notice"

"Just now, it just hit me right now"

"And you're ok with this"? Feeling a little concerned with the way she was looking at him.

"Do you love me"? Looking into his eyes for truth, wanting to see his soul.

"Phoebe" he slowly began as he reached for her face "Phoebe, my love for you is forever, you are mine and no one else's, I love, protect, try to bring joy to you, I will always be here for and with you and you will only have me, and no one else" "I love you like I've never loved anyone my whole life or ever will" "You belong to me"

"And who is Kerrianne"? Still looking at him searching his soul.

He sure didn't see that one coming, so he just put it out there straight away, "My daughter"

"Her tattoo is on your heart, that make sense" "Were you ever married"?

Damn he thought, "I still am, she refuses to divorce me, long story, my love is for you, not my wife I haven't seen in many years, and I never loved her the way I love you, Phoebe, I love only you"

She seen him holding back a tear, she reached for him, "Hold me Filip, I love you more than you will ever know, hold me"

And that he did. He knew they needed to talk about this but he only wanted to hold her right now. As did she, and she would begin tonight.

She brought steaks out to the grill allowing Chibs to cook them up and she had twice baked potatoes, a few greens and fresh bread ready. After dinner they took Charlie out to the beach for her fun frolicing run into the wave caps.

They sat on a bench watching Charlie. "Filip, there is something you need to know about me" He took her into his arms as she began.

"My past Filip is not a good one, it's one I am still unable to talk about" "Even to you" "It's painful, it's embarrassing, it's dreadful, it caused me a lot of pain, emotionally and physically and it still does even today, even in your arms" "It changed me" and a tear began to fall even talking about this.

Chibs held her tighter. "Tell me what you can" he said softly.

"I can't, I'm so sorry, I can't" "The past is the reason I have Charlie" "And being unable to talk about it, I was able to write about it" "I found a journal and for this past week I wrote in it, a letter to you, and only you" "It explains everything on what happened, how I was able to move on, and how I ended up here and how and who I am now" "I'll give it to you tomorrow morning to read alone, you will become very angry when you read it" "And if you choose to walk away, I will not stop you, just know you are my love and are my heart now"

Holding her tighter, "Phoebe, I will never walk away from you, never my lass" "I love you, and I will never hurt you, and if you don't want me to read it, I won't" He felt her crying in his arms, he was so saddened to feel her cry. What had her past done to her that she can't even talk about it.

"Yes, Filip, you have to read it, you have to know the mess I am, and the mess I am still in, and it will let you know why I am who I am and how I became who I am" she wiped her tears.

"Phoebe, no matter what, I am here and will always be, I love you today, tomorrow and forever"

"I love you too, can we go back now"? And they got up, he still held her as they walked back with Charlie. He felt her sadness, it almost destroys him. He knew he had to read her book.

Arriving back to the house, without a word, nothing more than total silence he watched her go off to the bathroom. After a few minutes, he went in to check on her, she was soaking in the bath, looking so sad. It was the day they each confessed their love and she was so sad. He took off his clothes and joined her, sitting behind her he took her sponge and gently caressed her, trying to sooth her. She laid back against his chest loving his touch but so worried how he would react after knowing her truth.

He took her out of the tub and carried her to bed, he made the softest gentleness of love to her this night. Still trying to sooth her. Damn he loved her and hated to see her like this, it was as if he had seen her the first night on the beach.

She had fallen asleep in his arms. He could not sleep. He finally got up, went to the frig to get a cold beer and sat on the sofa across from Charlie. He sulked. He wanted a cigarette, had one but no lighter, he needed one. He leaned up from the sofa and pulled open the drawer on the coffee table. He seen a leather bound notebook, a pen, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

He took each of them and went out to the deck and turned on the night light. He opened the book while she lay sleeping a room away.