Crazier [a text talk novel]

37

ADALINE'S POV

I was told I should be cautious when I look in one's eyes as I could drown in the and get lost in the moment. I knew it was real- that saying- the moment our eyes met and it locked. For a moment I was scared I couldn't let go immediate. Ang tagal ko kasi 'tong hinintay diba? Pero ngayon nga na nandiyan ka na, I can't help but hope..

Sana palagi ka nalang si River.

Some would probably misunderstand. Some would probably say, "baliw ka? Ricci Rivero na pala yang kausap mo eh, aayawan mo pa?" or "Si River at Ricci, iisa. Tumigil ka nga, nasa'yo na, bubulagin mo pa sarili mo na na hanapin yung taong hindi naman pala kalian man totoo". But I would say, "Ricci and River may have been the same person. Okay. But I fell for River more than I did with Ricci and sana all the time, pwedeng si River nalang ang manalagi sa kanya."

Mas madaling maabot. Mas madaling makuha.. sana. Si River yung budget version ni Ricci. Mas gusto ko sana na ganun nalang lagi.. na sana mas matagal pa kaming nagstay sa maliit naming mundo at wala muna kaming ipinilit sa isa't isa kasi ngayong alam ko na, hindi ko alam kung paano ako lalapit, paano ako gagalaw- iimik, even. Para akong nawalan ng kaibigan. At a glance, nawala, just because I knew and woke up to reality again.

Sana simple nalang para mas magtagal pa kasi ngayong alam ko na, hindi ko na ulit alam kung paano lalapit. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ulit.

Parang Chapter 1 all over again and this time, hindi na siya si River. Nakakatakot ang realidad kasama ka, Ricci. Walang sigurado sayo.

I love him as Ricci but I loved him more as River. Ganun nga kaya talaga siya o inner self niya lang yon na hindi niya inintend na ipakita sa iba? Nakakatakot.

Right after breathing in the situation, as I have watched Ricci just reveal himself then walk away, I was left alone, overthinking. Chinat ko si Renee, telling her all my doubts and what I feel.

Na mas lalo ko lang naramdaman na wala akong makukuha na kahit isa sa kanila, besides being lied to and tricked by one same person I can't ever hate.

After this, I swear, I'm going to let this feeling go-- the feeling of doubt and fear. Tatanggapin ko nalang kung anong nasa harap ko, even if it means I have to adjust and start over again.

----

"Renee, good morning sa lahat maliban sa heartbreak ko." panimula ko and grabber her arm as she fixes the booth and has started to accept people availing packages for the marriage booth. "Good morning sa heartbreak mo." she sarcastically intended and nudged me. Nahalata kong napipikon na siya sakin kaya tumabi ako dito at pinanuod ang ginagawa niya. "Nuyan? Sino sino na nagpalista? May susweldohin na ba tayo?" I asked in full curiousity at nakiusisa. Nginitian ko naman ang mga nakapila, one of them looking so familiar to me pero inignore ko and continued to pay attention to Renee.

"Adaline, hindi ka na ba takot?" she plainly asked, giving me a dead stare. I couldn't look her straight in the eye as I know my answer would be opposite of what she's expecting from me. "Iba kasi si River, at alam kong iba rin ang image ni Ricci sayo. But I want you to understand na kahit pagbaliktarin mo ang mundo, iisang tao sila. Hindi iba si River kay Ricci, at baka ang River na nagustuhan mo ay yung deeper personality ni Ricci na sayo niya lang lakas loob na naipakita."

"Naguguluhan na ko--"

Renee interrupted frustratingly and replied, "Ako rin, Adaline. Di ko alam kung bakit iniisip mong hindi mo sila pareho makukuha eh nasayo na nga."

"Nasa imagination nga namin si River. Sa kanya ako nafall ng totoo, ng buo, ng walang reservations.. di katulad ng kay Ricci."

"So bottomline is..."