Crazier [a text talk novel]

75

We were enjoying Petite France. Gab and I were taking pictures, Ara was buying korean strawberries down the road.

"Why did his friend come and talk to you?" Gab asked out of curiousity. I raised both my shoulders in response, "Ang sabi nya, gusto nya lang daw malaman kung okay lang ako. Mukha ba kong di okay?" tanong ko kay Gab. He nodded. "After an intense confrontation, tinanong ka niya kung okay ka lang? You know, it shows, Ada. When you're sad. Your eyes and smile tell." he said. I was sadder by the minute. Things are starting to hit me again. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ako matatakot pag dumating tong pagkakataon na to because I knew my destiny from the very beginning.

When he never reached out to me again after that last conversation, as if he intended to confront me that he doesn't like me and that I don't really ever stand a chance so that I'd stay away from him and leave him alone, I didn't take it negatively. I wanted to think it was his way of taking his time, of thinking things through.

"Buti nalang nabalik na Ricci yung phone. I can let you borrow it for memories. He wrote something sa notes din pero it was only scribbles and rants--"

I was dumbfounded for a second. "Ah, he returned it? Akala ko ibibigay nya sakin tapos ako na magbabalik."

It was a tear jerker information. I knew it was the really the end of the beginning. Things have changed. We have always treated the phone as our ultimatum— our final demand and statement of terms. With him giving it back after he "rejected" me and all that has happened, I really don't know how and what to feel now.

"Do you think he'll let it happen? He managed to keep me when I tried to escape. Makulit naman sya diba? Baka naman nagpapamiss lang o nagjojoke lang siya?" I asked Gab. "I don't think he would, but I'm not quite sure. Wala akong akam sa kanya eh. I don't know how he thinks, Ada." I pouted even more with his answer. I feel so suffocated about everything. I don't know what to do. How do I even try to start unloving? Or is that even possible in this case?

Right now, my heart's about to burst because of all the uncertainty. My chest is heavy, my eyes are starting to get blurry. How do I start? From where should I pick myself up? Ara suddenly came in out of nowhere and joined us in the hug. She knows what's up. She always does. "What's done is done. Don't force anything to happen. We'll just let it be, okay?" I smiled and had no choice but to nod and accept. Pinunasan ko ang luha ko and acted like nothing happened. Tuloy lang ang buhay. Walang mababago sa mga prinsipyo, walang mabuburang pangako kahit naagrabyado at napapaiyak. Didn't it always work for me? It lead me to Ricci pa nga, diba? Letting things be is not bad as it seems....right?

Our moon is starting to fade.

Or may have already faded. I can't quite see it anymore,

because reality snatched it from us.