She's The Player

Chapter Seventeen: Ace

I. Can't. Sleep. I feel tired and I close my eyes and I feel myself almost drifting off to sleep but then I think of something and I get snapped back awake. Trevor is asleep, he fell asleep on top of the controller around 2:30 A.M. But now it's almost five and I still can't sleep.

It's been like this lately, as in since we moved back into this stupid fucking town. I couldn't care less about moving back here, it's just that last time we were at least a part of the Cretes. We moved once Dad got a really good job across the country in Massachusetts. What I learned from living up there, was that there wasn't any labels or whatever that shit is called. Social classes? Yeah, that's it, so up there money didn't really define who you were. Even so, I was an even bigger dick than I was before. But coming back home made me want to turn it around a little bit. I'm going to get away from all the drugs and over-drinking and making fun of people.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. We moved back when dad died. He got shot by an angry ex-husband on his way home from work. He caused a large five car pile up, two people dead the others wounded. My dad was one of the dead, being shot in the head will do that to a person you know. Mom couldn't handle being in that town anymore, not even the state, and she couldn't support us there either so we just moved back. Except now, we are Streets, Mom and Dad worked, but Dad provided the most.

I got into Elite Academy instead of having to go to Street High School because I was smart. Well, I am smart, at least according to the entrance test. So now, I'm kind of living this big lie. I work a job after school in order to help Mom with the house. No one thinks I am a Street and no one is going to find out, not even Pierce or Trevor or Destiny or Dylan or fucking Ruby.

I don't know why, but from day one she seemed to loathe me. I am trying to stop being that kind of person, I am trying to stop being the dick that everyone is scared of. I want people to see me as I am because I am sick of my past self. He wasn't a good person and he did something so bad. Or almost did. I don't know anymore.

Everything is confusing me right now. My brain isn't able to make fucking sense right now. Why does everything seem to be fine but terrible at the same time? How is that even possible? I know I should be sad and I know that I should be aggravated at life right now, but I'm not. I'm close to living the worst of the worst and I am okay with that. Maybe it's because ai know things will only look up? Maybe it's a sign from God?

I think I'm falling to sleep now. Finally, hopefully, tomorrow night I don't have to go through my whole life story and question my existence.