Two — What do they know?
Note:
Supposing this is André's thoughts if he finally find out about the rumors of him 'using' Lou for a strategy and all that has been accussed of him without him knowing.
I'm so upset and this is the best way I know to defend him. As much as I want to understand, I still don't find it right to talk your issues about someone else's personal life to others when you had all the time to clear that to that person. Lalo na at sa national tv pa. The damage has already been done and it infuriates me that André has no idea about what is happening out here so he can't defend himself. And even if he will once he comes out from the house, it's annoying that haters will always have THAT ISSUE for them to use against him forever.
I'm so pissed.
End note.
••••
I'm... how do I put it into words? There's so much that I am feeling right now but most of them aren't good. I wonder where my Lou is. I need her. I need the sight of her, the smell of her, the feel of her. I need to hear her laugh, talk to her about everything. I want to tell him about what I just heard.
How does one find it so hard to be honest to who they claim their bestfriend or someone they say they care about for but have all the strength to tell an issue to the world? I don't understand.
I'm an open person, tell me what you think about me, tell me if I did something wrong, talk to me, converse with me about me, I won't mind. I accept criticisms good and bad because it is clear to me that life is an unending learning process.
But don't ever accuse me.
Seriously, how am I going to defend myself if you talk to others about me? How are your thoughts about me be cleared up when you talk to the world about it but me?
And he said I was his bestfriend. What a laugh.
This is so stressful, to be honest.
But what concerns me more is Lou. I don't want this bruit to affect her. She's too precious for this kind of shit.
I know I may have been holding on my feelings back before sometimes, but that's just because I respected everyone of them and I didn't want them to think that I'm only staying in the house for Lou na lang. One more thing, I don't want them to think that Lou and I focus more on building our relationship. It will not only affect me but Lou as well and I know she had been working so hard and I wouldn't want her dream to go down in the drain just because of my feelings for her. I don't want them talk about her like how they talked about me on national tv.
Ugh! I have to stop thinking about it. Whatever I say, whatever I do, everyone has already came up with their own conclusion about me.
I took my phone to beep the most amazing girl in the whole wide world.
Bubba:
Kain tayong balot kasi minsan lang ang buhay.
Sent!
As soon as the message got delivered, I typed another one.
Bubba:
Perhaps, cheesecake. Wine and rooftop?
When I sent that, I stood up and decided to go out. Fuck texting, I want to talk to her, I need to see her.
Her place is just a ten-minute walk away from mine so I'm just going to see her.
