The Alpha's Heart

I Miss You

I slowly pull the car to a halt and took a deep breath. I was a little nervous. I hadn't been here yet and I knew it was going to be hard. I should have come sooner, but I just couldn't. Now I just had to, I wanted to talk to them so bad now that it couldn't wait. I grab the violet Anemone flowers and the white Calla Lily's from the next seat and slowly climb out of the car.

I made my way down the path slowly. I made myself walk even slower as I neared the two head stones poking out of the ground. My breath hitched in my throat and the tears blurd my vision. Mom and Dad. I fell to my knees on the ground in front of their graves. I placed the Anemone's on my mothers grave. They were her favorite. She always had a fresh set sitting around our house. They made it more vivid. My dad didn't have a favorite flower so I got him my mom's second favorite, Calla Lily's.

I smiled at the picture of our family on the headstone. Engraved in them were the words:

"Here lies a loving mother and wife. She was the best woman anyone could ever meet and will forever be missed. - RIP Karli Grey"

"The best father and husband there could ever be and the most caring man alive. You're in a better place now. - RIP Kirk Grey"

I had their graves buried here so I could be close to them. I didn't want to leave them behind, I couldn't. I didn't want to have a grave for my brother because no one really knew if he was alive or not, just missing and I wanted to be hopeful, but all hope was slowly leaving my body and my soul was becoming empty. The only thing I had left was Jaxon and I feared that he would be ripped away from me, too.

"Hi, Mom and Dad. I know I haven't been here to see you yet and I'm sorry. I miss you guys. I wish you could be here. I need you. I'm... losing my way without you. You were my guides, now how am I supposed to go on? You would probably be really disappointed in me right now and I really don't want that. Do you remember when I was a little girl and I used to always say how when I met my mate I'd never let him go? Well, I guess, I lied. I hurt him, I didn't want to, but I was scared. I know you always told me never to fear, but now fear feels like the only emotion I have. I feel so... I don't really know, but... I miss you. I need your help, I need you to get me back on the right track. I wish that I could see you both. Wish that I could hold you in my arms. I wish I had my family back... I don't even know where Kaleb is. I'm a horrrible person, sister, daughter, mate, friend. I hurt all those near me. I couldn't even save you, my own parents or my pack. I wish it were me who had died in that attack, you don't deserve this. You were always good... I know you're in a better place now and I hope that you can shine your light down on me. You guys are never gonna get to meet my mate or see your grandchildren or walk me down the isle. I don't know why, but I just feel like eveything was my fault. The attack, people getting killed, Kaleb going missing. What was it that you guys didn't tell me? I feel like I'm missing something. I don't know what's going on in my head. I just really wanted to talk to you guys. I'll never be able to let you go. You were my everything. I took you for granted and now it's too late. I hope you guys know how much I love you and I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, I wasn't there for you like you were for me. I hate myself for that and I know you always told me to never feel like this about myself, but how can I not? I hurt some innocent people. It was an accident, but it was still my fault. I just wish you could tell me what to do. I'm still holding on to all my hate and hurt and I just can't let it go, like you would tell me to. I know it's bad, but I hate the people who did this to you... I need to hear your voices again and see how much you love me. You guys were the ones that keep me alive and when you died you took part of me with you, there's a hole in my chest where you should be. I wish I could have you back I miss you so much and I love you."

I leaned forward and placed a long lingering kiss on each of their graves. It was raining by now and I don't know how long I had been here. I didn't want to leave just yet so I just sat there staring at their graves. The tears never stopped, but I did feel better, now that I had talked to them. They had probably been waiting on that and now their watching down on me. If they were I wish they could tell me something about Kaleb. I smiled at the thought of him, remembering when my mom had him.

*FLASHBACK*

I was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. We had just rushed my mom here and they took her to the back immediately. I was 11 and I was excited to finally get to have a little brother. I had always wanted a younger sibling and now my mom was giving me one. I couldn't stop bouncing on my seat, I was so happy. Netti and her mom were here with me, so I wasn't alone.

"This is so not fair. I want a little brother or sister, too." Netti said, pouting. She turned to her mom, "Can you have one too mommy?"

Her mom frowned, "Definately not. You have an older sister."

Netti slumped in her seat, "But I don't want a older sister."

Her mom rolled her eyes and I laughed. "It's okay, Netti. You'll have your own one day and then we can let them play with each other, when I have mine."

She smiled, "Yeah, we can do that."

We sat there for nearly 4 hours then I finally saw my dad walking down the hall to the waiting room. He was smiling from ear to ear. I jumped up from my seat and ran to him. He laughed and lifted me up in his arms.

"Where is he, daddy? Can I see him? Where's mommy? What does he look like?" I questioned him.

He laughed again, "You want to see him?"

"Yes, daddy. Come on." I said hurrying him. He shook his head, smiling and led us down the hall to my mom's room. When we walked in, I saw her sitting up in her bed holding something small wrapped in a green blanket. The blanket I had picked out. My dad walked over to the bed and sat down with me in his lap. I lean over towards my mom to get a better look.

I smiled. He was so cute. He had a lot of curly black hair all over his head and he was looking up at mom. When he saw me, he looked over and smiled. I smiled back and grabbed his hand in mine.

"What's his name, mommy?" I asked, not looking away from the smiling little boy.

"Kaleb."

"Kaleb." I repeated after her. "Can I hold him?"

My mom smiled and nodded. She lifted him up and postioned him correctly in my arms, telling me to hold his head. I nodded. Kaleb smiled at me again and this time it showed his dimples, just like mine. He didn't have any teeth so it looked funny. I laughed.

"Hi, Kaleb. I'm Kandice, your older sister. You are so cute. When you get older we are going to do so much stuff together. I'm going to show you how to fight and protect yourself. I'm not so good right now, daddy's still teaching me, but when I get better I can show you. And if you want, mommy and I can teach you how to cook. I can't teach you how to swim though, because I don't know how."

My parents both laughed.

"I love him already." I told them then kiss my new little brother softly on the cheek.

*End Of Flashback*

I sighed and decided to head back. It was starting to get dark and I was tired and hungry. I kissed my parents grave one more time and told then goodbye. Walking back to my car, I was a little relieved. I hoped they were happy. I stood up and slowly made my way down the path. I had buried them out in a field, not a cemetery and it was out in the woods. The path was dark and the only things you could hear were my feet and the patter of the rain.

My clothes were already soaked and my hair was sticking to my face. I blinked repeatedly, getting the water out of my eyes then stopped dead in my tracks. The hairs on the back of my neck started to stand and goosebumps crept up my arms. There was someone here. I could feel it. Glancing around, I saw nothing, but then heard the snap of a twig as feet sped toward me.

I took off running toward my car, panicking. I wasn't scared, but there were more than one. I could still hear them as I raced through the woods, branches knocking me in the face and roots trying to trip me. I broke through the last few trees and didn't pause as I wrenched my door open and hopped inside. I didn't know who they were or what they wanted, but I sure as hell wasn't about to find out and judging by how fast they were, I knew they were werewolves.

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