Look At You

Chapter One

What could possibly happen to a 17 yr old teenager when she's confused?

"Simply failure!"

Life is really beautiful.. and awkward. Right?

"duh. Why would it be awkward?"

There's nothing more shittier than watching heartbreaking movies while eating yogurt. Reading novels that literally can break your heart in a winter night. I mean, damn! There's just some things I can't stand.

The things you can't stand to see.

The events you just can't go.

The people you can't be with.

And the feelings to yourself that you can't even understand...

Late in June, my dad decided to remarry mom. Well, they fight, divorced and finally realized that nothing can be against their love. How bitter-sweet. Some pain and heartbreaks are better for the best things to come, and so being their only daughter, they planned everything in my life. Like going to college with Anne, my best friend, taking the same course with Robbie, my cousin and perhaps after 10 years, marry Isaac Skye, my boyfriend.

Surely it was fun eh? Yeah. It is...

"Hey Sara. What are you saying about awkward again?"

Isaac asked me with confusion. I forgot I was with him.

"Nothing!" I stood up straight. Sitting for 2 hours can be sure tiring.

"You sure?" he starts to give me a 'you're not okay look' which made me remember these past year being with him. It's been a while since we became couple. He is so caring, supportive, thoughtful & understanding that I can't even find a flaw in him.

I sighed.

Almost everything I see in him, his blue eyes, dark brown hair, tall and masculine look is perfect... actually yeah. Our school called him the 'perfect creature' and I can't even imagine why am I with him right now.

"Sara." He pulled me into his arms. "What are you thinking about? It's our anniversary right?"

Stop being so preoccupied with your thoughts... unlesss it's me.

Yeah. That's what he said last Christmas, when we're both enjoying the warmth of each other under the mistletoe. When there's only the two of us.

"Hey you two! Stop showing PDA stuffs here!"

Anne came, catching her breath. Anne is with me since grade school. She is obviously 10x times prettier than me. 20x smarter and 30x almost out of reach standard that any guy could ever have. I waved my hand as a gesture of hi. As always, she speaks so loud. She hit Isaac's shoulder which made him let go of my hands, "You dork!"

Isaac raised an eyebrow, "Why are you even here?"

She pulled him and starts whispering something. They laughed and it seems like the atmosphere came back to its original form.

I smiled.

Life is really beautiful.. and awkward. Right?

It's our 1st anniversary today. Anne's here & I'm happy because she's supporting us... but I only want to be with him today... because there's a question that has always been bothering me.

"Stop it!" Isaac laughed.

"I'm not really saying anything funny you idiot!" Anne nagged his hair.

"Don't touch me! I'm busy." He stepped backward and took a grip of my hands.

"Sara. Let's go."

Time seems to be flowing in slow motion while he's holding my hands and... it hurts.

"Where do you wanna go?" smiling, he asked.

"Uh... anywhere." I simply replied. Plain. No emotion. I wonder what's been bothering me when he's not even doing anything wrong. I have so many questions and doubts... not about him but about tomorrow.

Will everything be the same? My thoughts are messing my head not noticing we've been walking for around 10 minutes. We stopped in front of a park. 'Wait, this is the park where he confessed his feelings for me' I thought to myself.

She ruffled my long brown wavy hair for a second and kissed them. I remember him always complimenting my hair and he said, I really look beautiful with them so I really never cut my hair.

The place lightened up, different colors flashed behind his silhouette. I look around and everything is glowing. I thought I was in a movie. I tried to look at his face and as always, his sincere eyes were looking straight to me. I feel rooted in my position.

"Close your eyes."

I closed my eyes. I can feel my heart beating so fast, that in any moment I could explode. I pressed my forehead against his chest to calm my beating heart. The sounds of his heartbeat is just beautiful.

Can we stay like this?

"Open your eyes princess..." he said as I lift my head up.

I see snow. Snow in the middle of summer night. "W-what is..." I shuttered. I can't even say a word. It's so beautiful. I can possibly think I'm in a dream right now.

He kissed my forehead and gave me a boquet of flowers.

"Happy 1st Anniversary Sara. "

I'm staring at his beautiful face. His eyes, his thick eyelashes that looks like shining in the lights is gorgeous. His lips, so soft. His voice that really cuts through my spine. Damn, you are perfect.

It hurts.

"I love you."

I can't help it. Tears are streaming down my face. I just can't... can't hurt him. 'I love you too' I want to say.

"Hey. Are you okay?" he worriedly asked me.

"Sorry."

For a second, a rush of memories came back. I let go of his hands, and I looked away. I don't want to see his face & I don't want to hurt him by seeing me looking so unhappy (which I'm not) by his efforts.

He arranged my bangs that looks like eating my eyes and I can really feel his anxiety about my weird reaction. He stopped talking. Dead silence surrounded the beautiful scenery that any couple would be jealous of.

It's beautiful. I can never ask for more. You're more than enough okay? Will these lines be hidden forever? What will I be when I'm with you?

It's getting cold. The fake snow that I don't know how he produced really gives the cold atmosphere not to mention the silence were giving to each other.

"You don't like my surprise?" He broke the awkward silence. I can feel his heavy heartbeats which was so calm awhile ago.

"You didn't like it?"

I do.

Sara speak up. Get a hold of yourself. You liked it. No. You loved it!

"Yeah." I replied.

"Not funny." He simply said, shrugging and restraining my hands to let go. I can see the seriousness in his face as the fake snowflakes fall over him.

"I hate you." I meant it. "I hate your perfect-ness."

"What?"

I forced a huge smile, "Too perfect for me Isaac." I turned away. I put my hands in my pocket as I walked away.

He didn't stop me.

"I'm sorry." I muttered. "I'm not meant for you."