All in my head

Confront

Hale took me to his car and we sat there so that we can have a serious talk about what happened. "Are you sure it was him?" He asked; making me angry.
"Do you think I'm lying? Or do you think that I'm a baby who cannot even remember faces." I snapped.
"I don't mean any of that, Aura." He said softly.
"Please take me home." I begged him. The tears came back.
Before he could've said anything he moved his gaze away from mine. "What is it?" I asked.
"It's your Doctor, over there... What is he doing?" He answered. His car was parked just next to ours.
Dr. Larsen was sitting inside his car and he was motionless. His head was bent down and he did absolutely nothing. I sensed that there was something wrong with him. "Hale, I think there's something wrong with him." I was scared as hell. I got out of the car and ran to see him. I opened the door of his car and found him unconscious. "He's fainted." I whispered.
"Um... No, Aura. He's bleeding." Hale was the one who bent in to check him. He cut his wrist."
"What?" My body was stoned.
"Help me to get him out. We have to get him to the hospital." I held the door open for Hale to manhandle him. He put him inside our car in the back seat. I sat next to Dr. Larsen's body.
We had him admitted in the hospital as we had arrived in time. On asking, the doctors said, "He took sleeping pills as well. That is why he wasn't conscious. There's minor blood loss in his body but that will be alright as it's only because of his age. He'll be alright."
No one came from Dr. Larsen's family to visit him. Although his family never existed but I thought a friend or any other relative of him would've come to visit him.
I sat on the bench outside the ward hoping that he'd be okay. Why would've he done that? I kept thinking to myself.
The doctor said that his family member had arrived and he'd be taking him home.
"Wait..." I called out as the relative was about to enter the ward.
"Yes." He replied as he turned back.
"Hi. I'm one of Dr. Larsen's patients. I'm Aura." I told him.
"I'm Hale. It's nice to meet you." Hale said too and shook hands with him.
"I'm David. It's nice to meet you and thank you for bringing him here. Thank you so much." He said as he shook his hands with Hale.
"Do you have any idea why he did that to himself?" I asked.
"I have no idea. He's been a little upset for a while but he's also been very strong." His voice was a few octaves lower.
"I wonder why he did it. I mean... he's my... he was my therapist and he had such an optimistic view about life situations. He helped me." I said.
"I know. He's an amazing man. I've got to figure out why he did that." He replied. "Do you guys want to meet him? But you can go... I'll handle from now on." He smiled.
"Alright, we'll leave." Hale said. He dropped me at my house and I carried myself to my bedroom. The lump in my throat gave me uneasiness in whatever I did.
"Were you with Hale?" Mum asked from the living room.
Yeah, I was with Hale. I'm a little tired, I'm going to bed." I replied.
I heard them chattering about how beautiful Sara's painting was.
I couldn't lie on one position and changed my sides to finally achieve a comfortable body pose. My legs fidgeted with the thought of the painting Sara had made.
I forced a laugh to forget all of it and switch to my happy side. It didn't work so I took my headphones and played the happiest song I could find on my phone's playlist.
I had the urge to cry and shout out loud. Being reminded of someone who used to be with you and isn't a part of your life anymore is a thing that stings you right in your heart like a bee. He was a bee. He stung me and died. He left me in pain.
I began dancing to the song playing in my headphones. I shook my body in waves, imitating the ocean. The ocean keeps moving and is still calm. It comes back to the sea shore but it's still calm. It's calm forever.
It did not help. I ended up in tears. What are you doing? What are you doing? Snap out of it!
I kept repeating those words to myself endlessly.
It was afternoon. When I couldn't help myself I lied down on my bed and closed my eyes. I forced myself to not open them until morning. I forced myself to sleep. I noticed I was being too harsh on myself but I let it be. Sometimes it's good to be harsh.
The next morning I woke up with a gasp through my mouth. I couldn't remember why it happened but I had the aftershocks.
"Aura, are you up? There's a surprise for you." Dad summoned me.
Unwillingly, I got up from my bed and went downstairs wearing my slippers.
"Your Mum made a cake early in the morning. How lovely is that, eh." Dad sounded ecstatic.
"That's really amazing. I'm going to get fresh. I'll join you guys later." I said slowly; not speaking hurriedly.
"Yeah. Yeah. Get fresh." Dad said.
About an hour later of brushing my teeth; having a bath and detangling my hair. I went downstairs to eat the cake Mum had baked in the morning. "Oh God... It's amazing." I tried to act as normal as possible even though my head was exploding with thoughts.
"You cook the best cake in the whole world." Dad complimented Mum.
"Cook? We don't cook a cake, Dad." I corrected him.
"Uh... Whatever." He knew he failed in this conversation.
"I heard a man committed suicide yesterday." Mum said out of the blue.
"It was Dr. Larsen."
"How do you know about him?" Dad asked with a piece of cake stuffed in his mouth.
"He was my therapist. Hale and I took him to the hospital yesterday." I said.
"Is he okay now? God! You two have been handling all of that all alone." Mum asked; worried.
"He's... fine. A guy came over to look after him." I said.
"I wonder how he would be... and that guy... he could be his son. People think suicide is an easy thing to do but it's actually very difficult for the family to bear it and especially for the children." Mum said.
I felt a sudden shock on my body as if I had got my answer to the question I had been thinking for so long. I pictured him in my mind and thought about all the things he said whenever I used to dream about him. I thought of Dr. Larson's expression when I first told him about him. I thought of when Dr. Larson told me his son died in a car accident.
All the answers were crystal clear in my head.
"He was his son." I spoke. Mum and Dad were quiet instantly when they heard me speak. My eyes centered on the cake kept in front of me. I glared at it for long.
"What?" Dad couldn't understand what I was saying.
"Oh my God... He was his son." I covered my face with the palm of my hands and pushed them backwards; pulling my hair away from my forehead. "How couldn't I understand it in the first place?" I spoke again.
"What are you saying, Aura?" Dad enquired again.
"Oh my God..." I pounded my hands on the table and kept a weird smile on my face. "I have to go. I'm taking the car." I got up and called Hale immediately.
"Wait... you're not allowed to drive." Mum said from behind me.
"Mum... Mum... I promise I will be alright after this. I promise. I'm going to make things alright." They said nothing.
I hope they saw the light in my eyes. Hale picked up when the ring was about to die. "Hello."
"Hale, I've figured it out. Are you at home?"
"Yes I am at home. What have you figured out?" I took the car keys while he was busy asking me.
"He was his son." I exclaimed as I got inside the car.
"Whose son? What are you talking about, Aura?" He was absolutely puzzled.
"I'm talking about him." I paused. He understood.
"What about him?" He asked. I was driving now.
"He was Dr. Larsen's son. Get ready. I'm coming to pick you up. We're going to the hospital."
"Wait, no... Remember that guy said; he'll take him back home. He's definitely not in the hospital." He said.
"Okay. I know where he lives. I'm coming to pick you up."
I hung up on him and concentrated on driving. A million frames of memories flashed in my mind. My eyes leaked. My breath was warm.
I was under his house and I saw him standing at his doorstep. I rushed forward and he came towards me. I kissed him hard. I kissed him like I would never have the chance to. He pulled me away. "What's wrong?" He sounded worried; his hands on my shoulders.
"We have to go. You'll know the full story."
"Are you allowed to drive?" He enquired.
"Yes. Get in the car, quick." I commanded him to do so.
There was no stopping. I finally pulled over at Dr. Larsen's house. I ran towards the door and stopped. I was scared. I gently pressed the bell switch.
No one answered.
I pressed it again. The same guy named David, from the hospital, opened the door. "Hey. You've come to visit him." He grinned more than necessary.
"Where is he? I need to see him." I said aloud; speaking at the speed of a jet.
"He's in his room. He just slept." I pushed David away and went inside. I could not locate his room out of the three rooms in front of me. "It's the right one." David spoke.
I unhurriedly opened the door and went inside. As I entered the room the first thing I saw was the large picture that hung above Dr. Larsen's bedpost. It was the same picture Sara had displayed as a painting in the exhibition. I gradually moved my eyes onto him. He was lying on his bed without any movement. I stepped closer. His eyes were wide open; looking at the ceiling. His hands were kept on the side; parallel to his erect body.
He looked old, feeble too. His body wasn't running on bottled oxygen or glucose bottles. Although all the things required were in the room. He was okay now. I placed my hand on his hand. It was cold. They were as cold as a vampire's skin. I could feel the blood struggling to rush in its veins. I knew he had it hard and heavy.
"Hey." I called out. He smiled when he turned his gaze on me.
"You cut yourself pretty deep, huh?" I said. I heard the door creak and saw that Hale and David were standing at the door.
"I think I got influenced by you." He joked while he couldn't even move due to fatigue and blood loss.
I chuckled; licked my lower lip as I was about to get to my point. "Was he your son?"
His eyeballs stiffened and stuck to their position. He disclosed his mouth to say something but closed them again. He looked above his head at the picture hanging. Then he came back to look at me. "He was." He nodded slowly; trying not to hurt himself.
"What was his name and why didn't you tell me about him on the first day itself?" I sprinted with my words.
He took a deep breath before saying anything. "We have certain things in life that are meant to be kept a secret for its best... But we never know that those things can come out without even trying."
"I don't understand." I blinked.
"If I told you that he was my son, you'd be even more depressed on this fact. But now... you are happy and you've moved on. You've realized that there are more important things to focus on. But if I told you... that Damien was my son, you'd never be able to heal. I thought it was best to let you figure out if it was really your task to know it. And you did... You know now. You know it at a moment when you're actually very happy and almost satisfied with life. This is the right time you should've known." He smiled.
"But who are you to decide when I should know?" I was angry but never lost my cool.
"I never did, dear. You figured it out yourself. You are the one who lead your life to where it is right now... I was just there as a guide. It was your decision to leave the therapy in its second session. I never told you to. Maybe I would've told you later. Maybe I would've told you on the last session that we were supposed to have."
I sat there, doing almost nothing. I didn't even know if any of that made sense to me.
"Miss Anderson, it is you who have been leading and curating your life since the beginning. It is only you who has a control over it. Accidents happen now and then and people deal with it. You did the same. You dealt with sorrow... You dealt with pain... And you did it beautifully in your own way. No one has to do anything with your life."
I had tears in my eyes but I wasn't crying. I was carefully listening to him speaking in his feeble voice.
"You are what your choices are and not the things you have the potential to do. You might've killed yourself. Or you might've... might've never really spoken to Hale in the first place. But you did what you felt like you should do. That's who you are. I am no one to come into your way. This is life. You got to push yourself harder every time you fall down because they're going to be new and even difficult situation every time. That's it for the speech today."
I smiled as I wiped the tear drop that traced my cheeks to my jawline.
"That was a great speech." He smiled on hearing this. "How was he? When he was alive? I want to know about him."
"We have plenty of time to talk about that." He winked at me.
I looked back at Hale and David standing near the door. "You want to stay here?" Hale asked; his face was lit up.
"Yeah, I'd love to." I said.
"Alright then, I'll probably go. I have to... kind of... sort out my life too." Hale said. "By the way, that was a nice speech, sir." Everyone laughed.