Cheers, Potter.

How wrong he was.

Harry's POV

For a while I was just angry. Angry at him for saying what he did, angry at myself for making a hard decision for him worse, angry at the universe for making me love him so hard but making it so difficult in practice. I was angry at McGonagall for telling him he could go off and live a muggle life, I was angry at myself again for being so selfish. Just rage, hate and frustration bubbling and brawling in the pit of my stomach for days and days.

And then I felt nothing. That was the easiest time. I could eat and sleep and study and breathe without it hurting. Hermione offered to stop revising with him, but I just couldn't make myself care. I think, I subconsciously knew that he needed her too, so I couldn't really ask that of her.

Eventually, I could feel again but everything I felt was sadness. The thought of playing chess with Ron was sickening. Being around the common room as everyone laughed and joked, happy and light, made me want to cry. Hermione tried to make subtle remarks about how awful Malfoy felt and how terribly he was coping too. But that just made it worse. We'd not actually broken up, never had that conversation, said those words, but it felt like it had happened. And the fact that neither of us wanted it, neither of us had agreed to be apart, made everything hurt more.

I managed to get through my exams, somehow summoning the numb resolve back and deciding my future was more important than a time in my life that I hoped would be temporary. The only part that threatened my cold onward march was seeing him in the Great Hall, just a few rows ahead of me, during our shared subjects' exams.

Eventually, after a lot of moping and crying and screaming and throwing things, I decided I had to talk to him. I was going to make myself look him in the eye. I didn't know what I wanted to say, but I was never much of a planner.

~Ж~

I took a deep breath. It wouldn't be too hard, I was over thinking it. How bad could it be? He loved me and I loved him, he wouldn't hurt me.

The moment he lifted his head and his eyes met mine I regretted my decision. This would hurt because I loved him. You idiot Harry, what were you thinking, now he's seen you, you can't back out. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no -

Oh help, I was stood directly in front of him and his friends, they were looking at me, I was looking at Draco, I couldn't say anything.

I was just stood there staring at him, mouth agape and choking back tears.

Blaise, ever the saving grace, nudged me with his elbow, "Why don't we go and let these two talk?" He suggested to Pansy who was much more reluctant to leave us alone. She shared a look with her best friend and they shared a silent discussion. To my understanding it went along the lines of:

Do you want me to wallop the [expletive] out of him?

No, Pansy.

Do you want me to stay?

No, Pansy.

[Expletive but in Russian], you'll be alright, Draco.

It seemed to me that he really mustn't have been as okay as he'd appeared over these last couple of weeks because the terrifying Russian was still reluctant to leave his side until Blaise tugged sharply on her sleeve.

And we were alone again.

The Clocktower Courtyard was empty but open; it made me feel vulnerable and small. I didn't know what I'd come to say and my mind had gone blank.

"Hi," I began, my voice tight and my jaw tighter.

"Hi," he weakly replied, "how are you?"

"I think you probably know the answer to that one," I scoffed.

"Sorry," he croaked, it seemed I didn't have to figure out what to say because he looked desperate to get his words out, I wasn't about to stop him. "Look, I know this is awful and I've hurt you, and I don't really have any real right to ask you this... but can we go and see Teddy? One last time before I have to leave?"

It was silent, for a long time. For such a long time it felt like he'd never speak again. He just stared at me blankly like he could look into my soul and read it perfectly but just didn't have the energy... or the care.

"Okay," I said finally, "I can't just stop you from seeing him," my voice did break then. I shook it off, "tonight?"

"Tonight." he nodded.

~Ж~

"Tonight?!" I questioned myself maniacally, I was panicking because tonight had come around a whole lot sooner than I expected it to, and now I was spiralling.

"Dude, chill out," Dean rolled his eyes as he amusedly watched me pace, "what's the worst that could happen?"

"Goodbye boink," Seamus put in from his perch on Dean's bed, he didn't lift his eyes from the Weird Sisters magazine he was browsing.

"I said 'the worst that could happen'," Dean snorted, "I'm sure our mopey git of a buddy over here would love that," he wiggled his eyebrows.

"We've barely spoken in 3 weeks," I tried not to focus too hard on how much I would actually really love that, "and he's going to Andy's to see Teddy, this isn't about me."

"It'll be fine," came the very calm voice of reason that was Ron Weasley, "You both know how much you've been pining for each other all this time, you'll fall right back into step. It won't be uncomfortable."

His words did calm me, but oh, if he only knew how wrong he was.