SGANF #2: BROKEN

Chapter Twelve - Ruel's POV Continuation

Ruel's POV -Flashback continuation..

"BUNTIS KA." I said. It wasn't just a statement, I was confused.

"I heard." She answered. She was smiling as if that was the best thing that ever happened in her life. I can't bear it. Gusto kong magtanong subalit ayoko siyang saktan. But I need to know.

She asked me to touch her belly, nag-atubili ako subalit sumunod pa rin. Her cheerfulness was back. Her happiness was unexplainable. I wish I could do the same. I wish I could be as happy as her but I can't.

"We need to talk." I said but she wasn't listening. She just wanted to go home and tell what she thought was a good news to her parents. We drove to her home while my inside was itching with questions. I don't want feeling like this. It felt like shit and I can't breathe.

"Let's talk right now, dammit!" hindi na ako nakapagpigil. I need to know now!

Hindi siya umimik, she fixed her eyes outside the window. I begged for her to look at me but she won't. Gusto kong sumigaw subalit nagpigil pa rin ako. Pinilit ko siyang lingunin ako and when she did, her eyes were shut, naiyak ako sa galit at sakit. Bakit palagi kaming ganito? Bakit hindi man lang kami mag-connect ng maayos? Bakit hindi kami mabigyan ng maayos na simula? Bakit palagi na lang kaming nagkakasakitan?

"Ano ang totoo?" I had to ask, alam kong masakit but I had to ask. I have the right to know.

"Ano ang gusto mong malaman?" she whispered.

Ano nga ba? Natatakot ako sa totoo pero kailangan kong malaman yung totoo dahil pagod na ako sa mga kasinungalingan. Kahit masakit kailangan kong maging totoo at gusto kong ganoon din siya.

"The bet, is that true?"

Tumango siya at sinabi niyang totoo. Dinagukan ng malaking bato ang aking dibdib. Oo, alam ko iyon but I wish she lied about it. Oh god, I don't think I can bear to hear the truth. But I have to be brave; it's better to know now than never. Ayokong mabuhay araw-araw na may alinlangan sa aking puso at isip.

"Ano ba ang gusto mong malaman, yung gusto mong marginig o yung totoo?" she asked.

Napamaang ako, of course the truth, I just want to know the whole truth, that's not too much to ask, is it?

"Totoo ba ang mga sinabi ni Max?" Say no, Cassandra, please say no, I prayed.

"No." gusto kong matuwa.

My prayer was answered but no, my betrayed heart wasn't convinced. I have to make sure so that I will be able to trust again. I don't want to be fooled anymore.

I have to ask. I just have to. Do I have to? Does it really matter? My heart said it does not but my brain didn't want to be played again. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga.

"Ako lang ba, Cassandra? Ako lang ba ang.." ano ba ang dapat sabihin? Do I really have to ask her that? She was hurt as much as I have for Christ' sake!

"Oo, sa iyo ko lang ipinagkaloob ang sarili ko." Matigas ang kanyang mukha.

Gusto ko siyang haplusin but my hand would not move. I have to ask more, may isa pa akong tanong na dapat kong malaman ang kasagutan. I just have to para sa ikatatahimik ng buo kong pagkatao. Karapatan ko iyon.

"Ako ba?" natakot ako sa aking tanong subalit tama lang. I need to know.

"Sa akin ba iyan?" I repeated.