All I Need Is You | Jensen Ackles

Chapter 55 - Things we do for love

I can't believe I let him fuck me... I can't!

It doesn't feel right or real. It is just a bad dream that I'll wake up from.

I close my eyes and count one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.

I open my eyes, and nothing changes. It's not a dream.

I'm screwed.

What the hell did I just do?

I'm shocked, sad, lonelier than ever, and just empty.

The thing that hurts most is he left without saying a word not even making eye contact with me so I don't know what this means.

For the first time in so long, I wish I could cry but nothing comes out of my eyes.

I wish ... I wish I were dead.

******

I don't remember when I fell asleep but hopefully, I did because my head was hurting me like hell but now I feel much better.

But what am I going to do? How am I going to look at Jake and pretend nothing happened.

I can't but I will, I have to.

I have to go out there and act as if nothing happened.

I can do it.

I just need to avoid Jensen and that's it for now. Everything will be fine. Once I get home, I will call Jake or maybe break up with him over a text.

It's not the best way to do it and I can't imagine how he'd feel but it's better for me. I won't be able to handle his questions, I'm not that strong, I know I'll break if he insists and ruin everything up.

I take a deep breath and stand up from my bed.

I'm naked.

I forgot to put on clothes last night. Fuck.

I wrap the blanket around my body and walk to the door to check if I locked it at least.

It's not locked.

Just thinking about the fact that someone could have come in, makes a shudder from my feet travel to my head.

My head is feeling as though it would split in two and my mind is engulfed with negative thoughts.

I need a cold shower.

As soon as my feet step into the bathroom, last night's events replay before my eyes.

Everything in this room is suffocating me. I need to get out of here.

I take the first pair of jeans that comes to my eyes with a t-shirt and put on my shoes quickly and my phone.

I forgot my bra. Shit.

I take the t-shirt off and wear my bra first then the t-shirt.

I walk slowly because the house is silent. Why is everyone sleeping? What time is it?

It's six, I read from the clock in the hallway.

The freezing air seems to slither up and down my body. Sun hasn't risen yet and I feel a little cold but I'm lazy to go back and take a jacket.

The world is calm and I feel grateful that there's nobody.

I stand in the middle of the road and just breathe. This chaotic world made me forget how to breathe, and pause. So I just breathe and feel the calmness around me.

I will think of solutions. I will not let my worry control me. I will not let my stress level break me. I will simply breathe and it will be okay because I don't quit.