Teenage Blues

Anxiety Is Real

I started to come to and I heard a steady beep. Once my vision started to become clear, I realized I was in a hospital room. My mom and dad were on either side. I couldn't make out who else was in the room.

"Mommy," I said trying to sit up.

My dad jumped up and went to get a doctor I suppose. My mom started crying thanking God I was awake and kissed my forehead and started stroking my hair.

"Just stay still baby, the doctors coming. Thank God you're awake,". She said.

My dad came back in with a doctor and I still didn't know what was going on.

"Hello Ms. Carter. My name is Dr. Alexis Bowman. Glad to see you're awake," she said coming over and checking my vitals and what not.

"What's going on?" I asked.

My parents looked at her pleading for her to explain.

"At first we thought there was an issue with your heart. You were behind the wheel and you ended up crashing. Do you remember what happened?"

I nodded, "I don't remember getting into an accident, but I do remember having some issues with my parents and boyfriend earlier. I had just got off the phone with my boyfriend Rihmeek. Does he know I'm here?"

My dad cut in, "I made a call. Don't worry about that right now"

The doctor continued, "Well, I'm glad you remembered the chain of events before the accident. After further tests we have ruled out any heart complications and you had a panic attack. Do you recall having any symptoms?"

"I remember blurry vision and chest pains," I replied.

The doctor nodded and made notes.

"Those are very common symptoms with panic attacks, especially the chest pains. I've given you something to help with that, but I also have a referral to a psychiatrist if you would like to seek further information. They're the best of the best and have a great deal of experience with your age group," she said.

My dad took the paper from the doctor, looked it over, and put it in his pocket.

"When will she be discharged doctor?" my mom asked.

"Well, I'd like to keep her overnight. You both are more than welcome to stay. You also told me that Blue is a dancer. Blue, you need to take it easy as this is your first panic attack. With that being said, I want you to lay off dancing for at least a month," Dr. Bowman said.

"A month," I said trying to sit up.

My dad pushed me back down and turned his attention back to the doctor.

"Doctor Bowman, we assure that she'll follow your orders and lay off on dancing until you say it's ok for her to ease back into it," he said.

She nodded and came over and grabbed by hand. It was like she was one of my aunts. I liked her. She seemed to truly care.

"Look, you're young and I want you to live a long healthy life. This break will give you time to regroup. It's a setback, but it's not the end. I know we just met, but I see a big future ahead for you. I've been a doctor for nearly 30 years and ever so often I have passionate, thriving teenagers like yourself come in. Still, your age doesn't understand the concept of taking breaks," she said.

I had to cut in, "I mean, my mom is Beyoncé,"

Everyone laughed at that. My mom wasn't one for breaks when she was in work mode.

Dr. Bowman nodded, "Yes, I get that. Still your mom has lived, you have a lot more living to do. So, for your parents sanity, take my advice and take a break. You'll thank me later. This will give you a chance to find balance within yourself which will help your career long term. Trust me."

I shrugged, "I'll take your word for it Dr. Bowman."

She smiled at me and said she'd be back to check on me in a couple hours, but if I needed anything just call.

Once she left the room I looked at my parents and wanted to clear the air. I know they weren't the least bit worried about our conversation earlier, but it was bugging me. I guess my mom sensed it.

"Don't worry about it baby. Nothing else matters but for you to get better," she said stroking my hair. 

"Mommy, daddy, I get what you guys were saying. I do. I need to be mindful of how I move. I talked with Uncle Swizzy and he helped me understand from your perspective."

My dad nodded, "I'm happy to hear that. As you grow up we'll always be there giving you advice because we've been through it and know how this industry operates. For our conversations to be effective as you mature, you have to act accordingly. I'll have to say sometimes I can overreact, but I just want to protect you Lefty. That's all."

I nodded and we sat in comfortable silence before my dad's phone went off. He stepped outside and I just laid there in a daze as my mom continued to stroke my hair. My dad came back in a few minutes later with Rihmeek. I can't believe he came.

"Hey baby. Hey Mrs.Carter," he said giving my mom a hug and kissing me on my cheek.

My mom smiled, "We'll give you two a few minutes."

She and my dad stepped out and Papi sat down in her spot.

He grabbed my hand, "How you feeling baby? I got here as fast as I could."

I could see the concern and hurt in his eyes.

I smiled, "Thanks for coming and checking on me. It's been a long day."

"I know baby and I haven't made it any easier. I apologize for that. I apologize for the way I spoke to you. That wasn't cool. I just lost it when I saw that video. Having that shit all over the tabloids and niggas hitting me up like check ya girl. Man, it all got to me and I didn't react like an adult. I'm so sorry baby," he said.

"For this to work Rihmeek, you need to trust me. If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be. Trust me and know I'm not out here doing anything to disrespect you, hell disrespect myself. Alright?"

He nodded, "I got it. Real shit though, I'm so happy you're ok. My heart dropped when I got that call. Literally we were just on the phone and I was all hype bout that video. Nothing mattered in that moment. I just wanted you to be ok."

I saw tears in his eyes and he whispered, "Thank God you're ok Blue."

He kissed me and we had a mini make out session. A few more minutes passed and my parents came in. Papi stood up so my mom could have her seat back.

Papi cleared his throat, "I'm gonna head out babe so you can get some rest, but I'll be back tomorrow."

"She's getting discharged so she'll give you a call once she's back home and you can come over," my dad added.

Ok, this was not what I was expecting from him. Calling the shots, yes. Inviting Papi over, no.

I started to pout and he and my mom laughed while my dad rolled his eyes and chuckled.

Papi winked at me before he left the room and went on his way. I couldn't help but smile.

"I know that smile anywhere. Same one I had when I first got with your father. Still do," my mom said getting in bed and cradling me.

My dad went to the pullout couch and set it up before coming back over and sitting on the other side of me.

Here I was sandwiched in between my parents and I wouldn't have it any other way. Talk about longest day ever. Most importantly, I'm blessed that I'm alright.