My Cry

Email Part 3

as a result of all of the above, my grades had started slipping as i could no longer concentrate for long periods of time.for quite a lot of my schooling career i have ben bullied, but my number one priority was protect my best friend holly from it all. i had a front of "do or say what you want to me but if you upset her then you'll regret it" see her cry or upset was like seeing you mother cry. its the worst feeling ever, you feel so useless, and if she cries, you cry. and because of this mentality i had, i just bottled everything up- which is extremely unhealthy.even though i was battling demons, i somehow managed to pass all my gcses, which is one of my proudest achievments.

during august 2018, i was on a course called NCS- if you're unfamiliar with it, it is the National Citezen Service, and is supposed to help young adults go out of their comfort zones, and prepare them for the future, involving life skills, team building, and helping the community. it was also designed to help people with anxiety feel more comfortable in the community and help them feel less alone. I went in with one friend, holly, and came back out with two. my new friend is called shannon, and she does animal care at PRC so i get to see her from time to time.but, unfortunately, i came out of NCS worse than when i went in. my anxiety was worse, because i edured four consecutive weeks of being judged for being me. and thats when my relapse of anxiety and depression begun. and i am still in the relapse now; which is partly why i am writing this in the first place.

when i started college i knew no one, and i can't handle new people, im not sure if its because im scared everyone will be like jon and sam, or because i would rather be myself, but i struggled badly. however, i knew one person in my class, ben. i have known him since we were about 1 or 2 years old, so at least i wasnt completely alone.when paul and tina were off for whatever reasons, thats when things started taking a turn for the worse. i am in no way holding either of them accountable for my mental health declining; however it was around this time when it started getting noticeably worse.i have felt depressed before. i feel as though i have had "dorment" depression since 2014 after previously stated incidences occured. my homelife hasn't been the best, as my dad used to drink excessively, and cause arguments for no apparent reason. times like this would sometimes cause me to feel depressed.