Beauty From Above (Emison)

Chapter 22:Dive with me

At night...

Alison

I'm in my bedroom just writing my diary. Courtney's sleeping on the sofa and Emily's sleeping on the couch. They're both out and tired of crying for watching sad movies. I'm just lying on my belly on the bed. I'm writing about how I'm gonna settle this; how I'm gonna explain it to Emily without telling anything to her about Jenna. I really want her to be mine forever but I'm afraid that I can't,and it feels so sad for me. Losing something...losing someone in my life had always been the worse. I almost lost my mother,but because of Emily she made me strong and I finally talked honestly to my mom and...I see now that mom and me have quite a good connection. Even if it's not enough,at least mom is still my mom. Everything that happened for a long time,I wrote it in my diary. Just one thing I'm not ready to write in it is...about my separation with Emily. I don't know how this is gonna end up. Whether it's bad or worse,I'm really aware of that. I deserve it. Somehow. Having Emily always in my thoughts and my heart is breaking me slowly. Or...killing me slowly,I guess. It's hard to control the fear of losing. It always has for me."Watcha doing?" I heard the sweetest voice from the voice. A voice of  'after waking up'. "Just...writing?" She nods and comes in my bedroom,smiling softly to me. I lower my feet on the mattress and close the black and white theme book aka my diary. She sits down with her leg one down and leans closer to me for a quick kiss. I smile softly to her,she's still happy. I'm happy too to see her happy like this. I just can't bare to hurt her. But it's only for her protection."Where's Courtney? Is she still sleeping?" Emily nods and I put away my diary on my nightstand. She stretches her body and her shirt raises up,I saw her skin exposing a little. This sudden feeling of lust. I can have her now,before I can't soon. "You know this boring feeling is killing me." I say flirty looking down on my fingers,then rolled my eyes to her. She smiles wider,and I expose my teeth."Maybe...you know what to do?" I say again,"Your wish is my command." I get up and pull her close to me. We landed on my back,her on top of me. I smirk and she leans in to my neck. She sucks and bites my neck,and her one hand at my waist. I moan and let steams out of my mouth.  She intertwines our hands together and she goes lower. To my chest she stops and look at me,her free hand moved to my cheek. She tilts her head and makes this cute questioning face."Since when did you want me so much?"I smile and sigh a little,that's a simple question."I don't know. Since...I love you?" She's surprised with what I said,her smile slowly fading and looking at me in my eyes as I touch her cheeks."I'll always have you. And you,will always have me." It's confidential,just not for long. Confirmed. Those words are only to cover the truth. I put one of my hand to the back of her necks and pull close to my face and press my lips against hers. Her body is on mine,so I explore her body at the back with my other hand. I can feel her soft skin and pull her shirt up a little,her skin is cold. And so silk. Her hand slips in my bra and squeeze it making me breathe her name out between the kisses. We're still connecting lips,she gets into my lungs deeper as I let her.

'You'll lose her.'
No.
'Can't you see that you will?'
I can't lose her.
'Soon,everything will be over between you and her.'
Please.
'You'll die alone.'

"Em I can't!" I start to yell and push Emily away to the edge of my bed. When I look at her she looks at me with a surprised look and worried. It's happening."Ali babe what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" I sit and look down closing my eyes. I'm too embarrassed to cry in front of her. I grip my hands into fist balls,and a tear dropped to it. I look away and Emily gave me a moment to calm myself in my own,then I loosen my grips and let out a short breath."I'm sorry...I'm just..." I couldn't continue the words it won't come out. Because I can't. I tightened my eyebrows near and hard and clenched my teeth."I don't think I can do this. I don't think...I can pretend those whispers doesn't exist."

'Look at you. Crying like a baby.'
"Make it stop...please make it stop!"
'You can't help but be close with her. But you can't stop to stay away from her soon as well.'
"Stop! Now!" Emily rushes to me and shakes my shoulders,but I won't cut it off. Those whispers are in my head and keep repeating,again and again. "Ali snap out of it!" I shake my head and close my ears,but it's still whispering." Stop! Stop!"
'She'll be in out your head,and I'll be in your head.'
"Make it stop!" Its spinning me,drifting me of the cliff. Pulling me down to the dark hole. I can't reach the light.
Help me.