Peddie- Seven years is a long time

The way I feel

I'm so sorry that is took so long for me to update. I wrote this chapter like five times and it kept getting deleted so I tried to make it longer for you guys.

Hope you like it..

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Patricia's POV

"But she had an abortion" Eddie quickly adds. Just as I begins to sigh in relief Brooke opens her mouth in objection. "Well, not exactly" she mumbles slowly. "What do you mean, 'not exactly'?" Eddie almost yells as he turns to her. "I never got rid of her. I couldn't do it, so I just told you I would and then I went home and I had Jenny" She explained while avoiding eye contact. "How selfish can you be?"I ask completely broken inside. "Well, I-"

"It was rhetorical!" I exclaim. "Is it even Eddies? We all know it could be some random twenty something year olds!" I say quickly interjecting before she can speak again. "Patricia!" Eddie says surprising me. "What? Oh my gosh, my god daughter is going to be my step daughter. My fiancé has a child with my cousin. I don't want...I can't...I just..." I trail off before standing and leaving the room.

I don't know where I'm going. I just couldn't sit there and listen to what they were saying. I've known that little girl since she was a little grey blob on a screen. It's unthinkable that my ex-boyfriend, the love of my life, would be her father. It's just not something I would expect to happen. This isn't a cliché rom-com or a Ryan Gosling movie, no, this is real life.

I've just learnt that real life sucks.

I can feel the sting of tears but I cannot let them fall. I won't.

"Patricia? Are you okay?" The tears fall as I collapse into the comforting arms of the one person I think could help me right now. She quickly guides me, presumedly, to her room as her arms hold me. The tears come to a stop as I sit on her bed and stare blankly at the golden walls. "Okay, I have vodka. Glass or bottle?" She asks holding a glass in one hand and a whole bottle in the other. "Eddie is Jenny's father" I say emotionlessly. I hear a faint gasp. "I'll get the other bottle"

"How do you feel about it?" Amber asks calmly as I take a large gulp of the much needed alcohol. How do I feel? That question has been burned into my jumbled thoughts for the last, silent,twenty minutes. Do I feel happy? No, definitely not. Sad? It's not really the right word. Angry? Sure, I want to slap Brooke right now and maybe I also want to slap Eddie but I wouldn't because I love them both. Brooke didn't know he was, well, the love of my life but Eddie should've told me he got somebody pregnant even if he believed the baby was aborted. What happened to honesty? I don't think even the word betrayed explains it. It's just unexplainable. "I don't know" I finally answer. Amber stares at me carefully. Obviously trying to figure out if I'm telling the truth. "Why?"

"Everything seems out of place. It's like it's not real and I'm going to wake up and none if would've happened. I'm-"

"In a deep state of denial" she says tilting her head slightly to the side. "No, i'm not. I'm just tired, okay? I'm going to go to sleep and I will talk to Eddie and Brooke tomorrow. Everything will be fine." I say standing with an exasperated sigh. I quickly walk to the door and out the room before Amber can say anything. Realising what I left in the room I walk back in. I quickly pick up a bottle of the vodka. "I'm going to need this" I say curtly before practically storming out.

I wake up in an unfamiliar bed with no warm body holding me. I instantly know something is wrong but I'm choosing to ignore the cold.

A new day. A new start. I'm hoping that's true for today. I figured that if I just act normal, things will eventually be normal, right?

"Good morning evrybody! I'm making pancakes. Does anybody want pancakes? Isn't it beautiful out today? I think today is going to be great! Amber can you cancel the flowers? I think the wedding should be postponed for a couple of weeks so Eddie can get used to being a Daddy" I smile falsely before turning back to the bowl of pancake mix. "Are you okay Patricia?" Amber asks warily. "I'm fine. I'm great, actually. Can you just cancel the flowers? Please?" I snap impatiently whilst dishing pancakes onto plates. "You're not acting normal right now Trixie" Alfie says carefully.

"Would you?" I ask slowly. I don't know what to feel. Should I feel normal? What is normal? Right now, is there even a normal?

I'm not quite sure wether my love for Eddie can save this. Us, from the mess caused by one summer.