Saving Blue// h.s {HOLD ON}

Prologue

(A/N: Ignore grammar mistakes if you see them. Once the whole story is complete I am going to revise and possibly do a rewrite. We shall see... Xoxo -SeaSea)

~Harry~

(Song: TALK ME DOWN- Troye Sivan)

6 Months After

If I could reverse the clock I would.

If I could manipulate time I would have never spoken to her that first day, never tried to get close, and definitely never would've let myself love her.

This thought of manipulating the minutes isn't because she wronged me but because I wronged her. She was content with how her life was being lived but I came in and tried to fix her.

As soon as she got close to me and showed me her broken pieces and missing parts I tried to remake her like god damn porcelain doll. She didn't need someone to bandage her like she was wounded. She needed someone to guide her like she was lost.

When she told me about her darkness and I promised her I'd be her light. My light showed too bright and completely absorbed any light she showed.

I can vividly remember the night she told me about the crumbling thoughts in her head. Her tears wouldn't stop and it took everything I had not to do the same. A face like hers should never be flawed by angst.

But god, she was always was so happy! It was so easy to forget she had these twisted images haunting her. It seemed as though sometimes she'd forget too.

I should've listened to her when she said to leave it alone. She yelled and screaming and grabbed me telling me not to try. How could I not try?

What would that had made me if I just said 'okay, I'll leave you to it.'

Just knowing her was privilege enough, but alas, at the time I got greedy and wanted more. I wanted to know her inside and out. I wanted to know what brought air to her lungs and made her skin crawl. When I did eventually know her she thought I'd leave. That may have been her plan the whole time: tell me about her darkness so I'd leave in fright.

I didn't leave which intrigued her, got her to trust me. I wanted her to trust me don't get me wrong, I never wanted to hurt her. The thought of her hurting pained me more than it should. I took all her sadness and tried to throw it away. Every time we were together she said the sadness left her.

She left out the part where her mind was a hoarder who saved the thoughts for later.

Within the course of a couple months she was nearly gone. If I had three wishes I'd see her damn smile one more time, hear her voice I've come to adore and to see her dark blue eyes light up so bright you'd think you were looking out at sea.

The worst part was that she no longer wanted to see me. She didn't want me to see her in agony so she distanced herself so far that the isolation drives her crazy.

It drives me crazy.

Actually, that wasn't the worst. The worst was that the things we did, the things we said, I don't even know if they were real. I mean yes they happened but I'll never know if she was already in too deep. Too deep into her thoughts to fully grasp that I needed her. I thought I was her rock but in reality she was mine. Silly me to think she that was always leaning me but she was really holding me in place.

I needed her so much that every time I thought about her when she wasn't around it made my body ache with want. I wanted to be with her so much, even though I felt as though I was gonna blow my top eighty percent of the time because she is so stubborn, I loved every minute of it. I hope she grasped that.

I wish I could turn back the clock.

I wish I had one more chance to save Blue.