Joker

FIFTEEN

I believe a man or woman, no scratch that, let me put this more succinctly.

I believe a person, is the amalgamation of the choices they made in their life, each person is moulded from their choices and how society treats them. Some people they say are born evil, while some are created, and by this point I'm not going to pretend to you I'm a good person, I mean, I'm trying, but I'd just walked in on my girl, the only person on this earth I gave a fuck about and she's half naked with her clothes thrown across floor.

So, i'm not going to lie to you for a second, I stood there and I'd never been so angry, my blood boiling, anger, a rage building up from the pit of my stomach, feelings I'd not felt in such a long time.  I wanted to grab a knife and stab him in his throat. That right there, that's what the house whispered from my head, almost like it was hiding, but still wanted to be heard.

'get a knife, gut him, make her watch, then gut her too, dirty. Filthy. Rancid. Little slut'

But I didn't

Are you proud of me?

Don't be, not yet anyway.

I fucking wanted too, every primal urge in my body wanted to stab him right in his neck. Watch him grasp himself, bleeding out, my face the last thing he sees.

'who is he' I snarled, clenching my fist.

'baby calm down this is my brother Alex'

I shook my head, bullshit 'you don't have a brother Nat'

'I do, half brother, different dad's, hence the lack of....'

She glanced over him, looking for a better choice of word, but clearly none came to mind

'hence the lack of colour'

Alex smiled, holding his hand out 'ha, did you think I was fucking her? Nah man, just my little sis, I was in the area, and thought I'd catch up'

She nodded, glancing at him, then back at me.

'yeah catch up, but Alex was about to leave, wasn't you Alex?'

'yeah sis, I got shit to do....'

He looked at me and back to Nat, as if he wished I wasn't there for the next line.

'.... But think about what I said, yeah?'

Nat shook her head and grabbed my hand, she held it tightly, I looked at Alex, Nat was scared, it made me anxious I never knew why.

'I'll pass, thanks anyway Alex'

'your choice,wait, Where's a good place to get a bite to eat round here?'

'Madisons, two blocks down on 26th' I grunted

'thanks bozo' he joked, remarking about the make up on my face, 'I'll see you around' he continued, smiling smugly before leaving.

I walked over to the door, shoving it hard, it was old and would creak open if you never shut it properly, so I made sure I did. Then, and I'm not proud of this, I trusted Nat, but at that moment I was so scared of losing her, I glanced over her neck.

You see, a woman can fake a orgasm, maybe to get the sex over and done with, maybe to please her lover, but the body doesn't lie, a man's orgasm is easy to spot, a woman's less so, but a tell tale sign is that just below her neck she will 'blush' a red patch area will appear, you can't fake that. It's stupid but as I walked back to her from the door, I was checking. I trusted her complicitly, without a doubt, I trusted her more than anyone, and yet I was here, checking if that guy had just fucked my girl or if he was, like she said her brother.