Loved in Shades (A Jaylor Fanfiction)

Fire

Stay, stay, stay
Present time
Taylor Swift's POV
The pregnancy test is negative. Thank god it's negative. There is no way I could handle another pregnancy after how the past ones ended. The blood was the worst part. The part I will always remember is the amount of blood and the shooting pains. That anxiety. The lies Joe told me...saying it was all fine. It wasn't fine at all. It was all horrible. It was death. Nothing was alive and it was all destined to be that way.
I begin to clean up the bathroom again from taking the pregnancy test. I look at the plastic stick one more time before I toss it in the trash but I see there's a second line...it's positive. I'm pregnant again. How is this possible? I immediately toss it in the trash and run out of the bathroom and collapse outside of the room. I lay against the wall and guilt runs through my veins. I said I was happy it was negative and it was a good thing.
A tear trickles down my cheek slowly and falls into the palm of my hand.
"I'm so so sorry." I say quietly.

"Taylor...it's been a while." Selena says softly with a worried tone.

I stand up and open the door and look down at the floor. I don't want to do anything or say anything. I just want to stand there. In that moment I'm not even crying anymore. There's so much pain it's like there's not enough energy in me to cry. It's too much work.

"Taylor?" Sel said once again.

I stood with no response with eyes that had nothing in them.

"Taylor? You're worrying me."

I stayed silent still unable to cope with what was happening to me again. I dropped the pregnancy test on the floor and watched the plastic crack in slow motion. The motion of it fall on the ground then back up. The sound of the click. The feeling of the test slipping out of my hand replays and I remember it feeling like slick soap.

Selena reached down and picked up the pregnancy test and looked at the broken result. Her face was blank but there was pity in her eyes. Her head tilted slightly as she looked at my motionless still body. She exhaled then walked over to me slowly.

"It's okay...it's okay." She said very softly then wrapped her arms around me. I put my head on her shoulder and tried to take a deep breath but I couldn't feel the air in my lungs.

"I can't do this. I can't do it again. Not again. I-not again. Selena, I can't loose another one." I said slightly hyperventilating.

"It'll be fine-" She starts but I don't let her finish.

"I'm not loosing another one!" I snap and take the pregnancy test and snap it in half then throw it across the floor.

"Calm down!" Selena said loudly but that was not possible.

"I AM CALM!" I screamed the biggest lie possible.

"No you're not." Selena said calmly.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I LOST SELENA. YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME TO BE CALM WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR OWN CHILD DIE AND THE BLOOD OF DEATH AND THE TEARS THAT SPILL DOWN YOUR CHEEKS! THE SCARS IN YOUR MEMORY THAT PLAY BACK EVERY SINGLE DAY! THE INK STAINS, THE FIGHTS, THE HORRIBLE DREADING HEARTACHE!
YOU DID NOT EXPERIENCE THAT! YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN RIGHT NOW! YOU HAVE NOT LIVED THE THINGS I HAVE LIVED THROUGH IN MY LIFE!" I screamed at her.

"Taylor, Taylor look at me." Selena said.

I took my head and gently looked at her in the eyes.

"This might not end in disaster for you...you could end up having a child. It could work out." Selena said.

"You know that's not possible for me."

"Hey, I know this has ended badly before but there's a chance. There's a chance."

"There's a chance?" I said.

"There's a chance."

"There's a chance." I said tearing up and then I went to hug her.

"There's a chance." I repeated.

I remember the last time someone told me there was a chance. That small wound opens up and it bleeds in my mind as the memory plays again.

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Sorry for the short chapter but I didn't know exactly what to write. I'll try and make the next chapters longer. Sorry for taking longer then usual go update. I've been SUPER busy. I had a bunch of school work  then I was doing prep work for a internship interview WHICH I GOT WHOOP WHOOP. I'll try and be active but I'll probably be busy with finals and my internship. Hopefully an update at least every 1 or 2 weeks.

Anyways,

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-Madie❤️

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