Loved in Shades (A Jaylor Fanfiction)

Vermilion

  And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
*flashback*
2 months later
May 23rd 2020
Taylor Swift's Point of View
I would like to say I've felt better recently, but I haven't. I've started to cry less because I've found it to be a waste of my remaining energy. I think it's better I put my remaining energy into remaining alive. Maybe I should cry so I can put my life to an end quicker. I don't go into the nursery anymore, but everything is still there. It's started to cause me more pain than healing.
I walk slowly towards the living room to try and avoid making any commotion. I sit down on the couch and turn on the tv to watch Friends. After a few moments into the episode, Joe approaches me and sits next to me.

"Oh, hey..." My words aren't very ecstatic. They're filled with boredom and dread.

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something." Joe says.

"What is it?" I ask.

"It's been four months since...the incident. I've really improved mentally and it seems you have too. I know it might seem too soon but I want to try again."

"Try what again?" I already know what he's saying but I'm trying to delay it so maybe he can think over his choices.

"I want to try and have a baby."

"No." The only thing I say is no.

"No? So that's it? That's all your giving me?"

"I don't want to try again." I'm partially keeping my answers brief because I don't want to start an argument of any sorts...as those have been happening more frequently .

"Come on, it's been four months. I want to have another shot at this."

"It's my body, my uterus, if you want a baby go implant your swimmers somewhere else." I slightly snap.

"I want you. I want a baby with you."

I finally loose my temper which makes me stand up. "Well have you thought about what I want?!"

"I thought having children was something we both wanted..."

"That was a year ago when I thought- I thought I could actually have babies and not kill them."

"Babe, it's not your fault."

"Except it is! I knew the risks and I still tried to have them. I was 22 weeks pregnant when I miscarried last time. Did you know that when you're 20 weeks pregnant, your baby can feel pain? He died and he suffered. I wasn't there to help him or tell him it would be okay. He died painfully because of my body. I had a stillbirth and he was in pain." Tears begin to run down my face slowly.

Joe sighs before speaking. "We'll get a surrogate then."

"No, I can't do that. I can't watch our child grow in someone else. It'll hurt too much."

"But it won't matter once they're born."

"I said no! I don't want to try to have another baby." I snap again.

"Will you ever want to try again?"

"I don't-I don't know....all I know is I don't want another baby."

"But why not?"

"Because we already had two kids. Two beautiful kids and I watched them die. I don't think I can survive a third."

"We survived the first two. We just have to push and we have to fight the odds."

"Joe, it's my body, I can do what I want with it. I can choose whether I put another child in it and I don't want to."

"I'm your husband. Don't I get to have some say?"

"No, no you don't because both parties have to want a child to try and have one. I don't want one!"

"You want a child, I know you do. You just don't want to be pregnant."

"Of course I want a child! I want one so badly! I can't do what you're asking of me right now! I'm not ready!"

"So you do want another child?"

"Do you not hear me!? Are you just ignoring my words!? I don't want another child right now! Maybe in the future I will but right now I'm not ready."

"Fine, whatever. It's not like I have any say in the matter."

"Because you don't. If you want to do knock someone else up, go ahead. I don't care anymore but leave my uterus out of it.

"I'm not going to knock someone else up. I want one with you."

"Joe, this fight is just going around in circles. I don't want to be pregnant. It's that simple."

"Taylor...."

"You weren't there! You didn't carry them or have to be in labor. You didn't feel half the pain I did when holding my dead child."

"The hell I didn't! They were my children too! I had to be strong for you! I suffered every ounce of pain you did."

"I think I'm gonna go." I tell him.

"Where?"

I walk away and begin to walk up the stairs. "I don't know, away from you!"

"So you're just leaving?"

"I need a break from you!"

"So, we're Ross and Rachel now?" He begins to follow me.

"I just need time away from you. I need to go somewhere where someone isn't pressuring me to have more kids." I take a suitcase and begin to shove clothes in it.

"Fine, whatever. Go. Leave me did like you did for weeks in that damn room."

I throw some toiletries into the suitcase and look at him. "That was not the same."

"Yeah, explain to me please how?"

"Because I was grieving when I was in that room. Now I'm just mad at you! So excuse me." I say walking past him and to the front door.

"What about the cats?"

"I'm about to leave and you're concerned about the cats."

"I mean, there's three of them and aren't they yours?"

"Unbelievable." I walk out the door and slam it. The cats can survive a few days with Joe until he picks up his act. Hopefully he doesn't try and pressure them into having kittens I slide on my hood and walk outside. I flag down a taxi and get in trying to hide my identity as good as possible.

"Where are you going?" The driver asks.

"Take me to JKF. I'm gonna go to Rhode Island."

"Okay darling. To the airport it is."

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Author's Note:
Hi I hate the chapter but I wasn't sure what else to write. I'm gonna work on the next chapter so hopefully that'll be better 😫 I got a cat and he's super cute. His name is Enzo 🥰

Whose side are you on for the argument? Joe or Taylor.

I'm on Taylor's cause it's her body and she shouldn't be forced to do something she doesn't want to.