We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

Too Late I'm Sure

{Song: Three Cheers For Five Years by Mayday Parade}

"You what?" Ricky's eyes stared right into mine but my voice was caught. I could vaguely see him through my tears and the only thing I could hear was my heavy breathing and deep heartbeat.

Was he really asking me to marry him?

With all my flaws and pieces?

Would he really be able to handle this?

Was he really ready?

The questions ran through my mind and it only made me more confused. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. My eyes darted between Ricky and the tiny diamond ring in the little black box. It glittered in the sunlight, begging me to pick it up and try it on. I finally found my voice and was able to utter one small word.

"I..." I began but cut myself off. I covered my face with my hands and shook my head. "I... Don't know..." I whispered and took off. I ran down the steps and away from the house, away from the question, and away from Ricky. I looked back in time to see him crumbled to pieces on the porch. He had his hands on his head and I could see the tears glisten against his cheek.

My heart tore in two which only caused me to run faster. When I was far enough down the street, I slowed my sprint to a jog and eventually started walking. I walked and walked until I found myself at the park. The bridge I'd stood at many times before beckoned me to stand on it again. I stared off at the lake and watched the small ripples the wind caused float across the water until they disappeared. Time passed slow but eventually the sun found it's way behind the mountains.

My phone vibrated nonstop but I ignored it each time. What was the point of answering? Just to be told I was making a mistake, to be told I was being worried about, to be chastised for running away from Ricky at a very important time.

No, I wasn't going to be. I had other things to worry about such as was this baby really Ricky's? Not that it mattered in my decision to marry Ricky, but it played a part. What if I married him and it wasn't his? What should I do then? Waste the time and effort of a divorce to be with Chris again? Or stick it out and lie to my child for all the years of their life?

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. I couldn't just ignore Ricky. I had to give him an answer at some point, whether it was a yes or no. I blinked away the tears and bit my lip. It was dark now and I could barely see the water in front of me. Suddenly, bright car lights turned the corner and stopped by the curb. I refused to look and waited until the footsteps stopped behind me.

"Why did you run away?"

"Because I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."

"But you're going to have a baby with him. Don't you want to be married for that?"

"Yes. But I don't know if I want to get married right now."

They sighed. "Blaze, think it over. He's falling apart. I've never seen him so messed up before."

"How does this affect you, Chris? You're just going to tell me to do it and then if I do, one day you're going show up and tell me how much you wished I would have said no."

Chris stopped and raised his eyebrow. He looked away from me and turned towards the bar down the way. We watched a couple of guys laugh as they stumbled towards the hotel we assumed they were staying at. Finally, Chris turned back towards me and his eyes fell to mine.

"Even though I love you, it doesn't mean that marrying Ricky is a bad idea. I'll learn to live with it and I'll learn to love the baby. I'll be beside you for it. I promise, Blaze. Just go give Ricky the answer you know you want to give."