We're Finding Hope In The Hopeless

Countdown

I stared at her as she talked to the doctor. The way her green eyes lit up when she talked about Scarlett, the way her black hair draped over her shoulder like silk... She made my heart skip a year. She was so beautiful now that it hurt.

Blaze had changed for the better, for herself. No more drugs or drinking, no more late nights staying up thinking of the pain. No more missing one another and no more fighting to hide the passion. We had each other, we had everything and there was nothing more we needed.

I felt myself smile as the doctor walked away and left the room. Blaze turned and looked at me with an expression that only we would understand.

"She's almost here." Blaze whispered, even though we were the only two in the room. I nodded and walked over, with my hands extended. Her small body melted into mine and for a moment it was just us.

Her hair smelled like kiwis and it made me smile even wider. A weird feeling passed through my body and I couldn't stop myself from kissing her. Our soft lips meshed together and we didn't stop until the doctor cleared her throat.

"Call us if you start to experience contractions." She grinned and continued, "you should feel them in about 24 hours or more. Come back and we'll get you all prepared for labor. Have a nice day."

We mumbled a 'thank you' as she walked away and I picked Blaze up in a hug. Nothing was said, just our heart beating in sync and our arms wrapped tightly around the other. I felt Scarlett kick Blaze against my stomach and I chuckled.

"She's so excited to come out." I knelt down to be level with her stomach and kissed it. We felt another kick and we laughed. "Let me take you to dinner." I stood back up and smiled at Blaze. She smiled in return and the way her eyes crinkled at the ends made my stomach flip.

"Okay. I want pizza." I laughed at her reply and reached for her hand. After making another appointment with her midwife, we got in the car to go have pizza. We tossed our phones into the backseat so that no one else could interrupt us and turned up the radio.

The pizza place was a few miles away so we took this moment to really enjoy everything. Blaze rolled down the window and the wind blew through her black hair. The sun was setting and the way the orange sky mixed with her green eyes was unique. I focused back on the road but I wanted so badly to keep watching her.

The whole time at dinner we talked about Scarlett and our plans. Unfortunately, I couldn't enjoy the conversation. I had so much I needed to tell Blaze but with the mood she was in now, I just couldn't. She was finally smiling, smiling without any trouble, and I wasn't about to ruin that for her. I couldn't seem to sit still at the table and she noticed.

"Ricky, what's wrong?" Blaze took a giant bite from her pizza and looked at me.

"Nothing." I shrugged and smiled at her. She saw right past it.

"Tell me. I know something is bothering you." She reached across the table for my hands. I set my fork down and intwined our fingers.

"Just being a father." I lied, "Not sure if I'm ready for it." I reached behind my head and scratched the itch that was my conscious.

"Oh, babe, you are." She grinned at me. "I can tell you'll be the best father." Her eyes fell to the table and I knew she saw the lie. I sighed and hoped that she didn't know my secret.

"Promise me you'll be here when she's born." She whispered.

"Of course! I'm not leaving... Yet." I smiled back and felt her pipe back up.

"Good because I need you. And so does she." I nodded in response and we went back to eating. But my secret burned in the back of my head and tore away at the door I had locked it behind. It wanted to be free, to come out and expose me but I just couldn't let it out.

Not yet...