To The Moon & Back [A DiYue One Shot Collection]

Sunrise & Sunsets

by Yuni and Kei

Give up.

If you told me six years ago that I would be giving up, I would have laughed and slapped you in the face. But here I am, six years, eight months, 2 weeks and 3 days later choosing to give up.

Was it always like this? I used to think that after six years of being together, we'd be nothing but indestructible. That we'd be full-grown adults having taken on the world and with nothing but maturity, wisdom, experience and a lot of love to give. A love that has been founded strongly by years. But how come after six years of striving, thriving & learning, why does it feel as if the foundation in which we had built our relationship on was made out of sand?

I really thought that it was going to be okay. That we could make it after almost seven years of being together. But lately it feels like our days apart are being stretched into years. Every day spent without him feels like taking a step further away, making it more difficult to breathe. He's away and I'm away. He's home when I'm thousands of miles awy and I'm home when he can't even stay in one place for even just a day.

It's been eight months, two weeks and four days since we last saw each other's faces. Eight months, two weeks and four days since the last time I heard his voice next to me and felt his touch on my skin.

He would surprise me without fail with a bouquet of flowers in my dressing room for and interview or guesting on a show. He would send food truck deliveries on-location of every shoot or filming I have, asking my manager to keep it a secret, but everyone always knew it was from him. I'd ask my manager to pay for hotpot delivery service every time he craved for one; making sure it was enough for him to share. We used to facetime every night, him excitedly updating me with how his day went, sometimes even while still dressed in his costumes. Every single night without fail just to make sure he catches me before I fall asleep because he knew I was waiting for him.

I don't know when it started or how exactly, but somehow, everything suddenly just stopped. We could no longer facetime every night because either one of us would have dropped asleep from exhaustion before checking on the other. Flowers no longer decorated on my dressing room tables because he would forget my events. There we no longer food trucks with my face on them, a large sign saying, 'Jia You, I Love You' every time I would go on-location. We'd be too tired to call each other and our paragraph long updates updates were cut down to complains and just... 'good night.'

He'd blame me for every time I couldn't keep my promise and I couldn't make it to our escapades but he'd also cancel last minute when he forgets about our long-awaited scheduled dates. He'd suddenly yell at me, voice-stricken pain over my ear, rambling in jealousy over a co-star pinching my cheeks or a friend hanging out with me and giving me gifts. He'd say he misses me and wishes it was him but the distance that keeps us is making him weak. I'd try to console him, explain to him, making sure he wasn't mad. With tears streaming down my face I tell him "You know they're just my friends, what part of it don't you understand?"

Somehow though, through the years, it slowly didn't seem to bother me anymore.

It didn't bother me that he wasn't there.

It didn't bother me if he got mad or if he missed out on any of our dates.

It didn't bother me if he didn't even care.

It didn't bother me if I didn't get to see him although I knew, when the going gets rough, I always ended up looking for him.

And that's when I realized, I really needed him.

And it bothered me. It bothered me that he wasn't there. It bothered me that he didn't seem to care. It bothered me that whenever I tried to wake him up in the middle of the night trying to call, he would get mad for waking him up with a petty excuse and hangs up the phone.