Us with depression
And other mental illnesses
Went through that phase
Where we actually thought we were alone
Going through it alone
Not to say we thought we were
the only ones
Not as nobody understands
Nobody knows
No one cares
They are not here
As I sit up in my bed
Practicing to hold back my tears just in case I feel this again in public
I often fail
And it's not the fact
that I don't want people to know
It's the fact
If they aren't going through it
They couldn't understand it
They are these emotional leeches They weren't depressed until someone else said they were
They are these emotional people that actually get depressed
Just seeing someone else depressed And me being depressed
Doesn't wish depression
On anybody
Sometimes I do
But most times I don't have the energy
They mistake my depression with laziness
An excuse
An attitude
Being rude
Me not caring
And the most annoying
one of all
Sadness
Bitch I'm not sad
I remember in health class
In the book
They defined depression as a long term of sadness
Immediately in my head
It bugged me
In my head
I was yelling at my teacher Mr. Dhorn that sadness is just a fly Being a pest that you can swipe away
Depression is insects in your skull That fuck and lay eggs continuously fucking
In other words
Fucking me making me a fuck up Making me lose a fuck I used to give
And I'm not sure if it is a choice
But what I know isn't a choice
I look at things I used to look
At with passion
Now I look at them with pupils
That now contain an empty glare
I know I feel this emptiness
That somehow hurts the hardest
I feel the weight on my shoulders That I subconsciously put there
And now I'm noticing me Complaining about the weight on my shoulders
The only time I throw my chin to the sky
Is when I yank my head back after being asked to do something
I was already planning on doing
I know I was able to explain depression through metaphors Before I was 12
I know my mind doesn't like me
I know that I will instantly think That everyone else doesn't like me
I know I know I know that it is NOT Just in my head
I know that I can't just think happy thoughts
I've tried
Fuck you
Shit didn't work
And no
I'm not a quitter
I just have the common sense
To know when some things
Are a waste of time
And we all know our time is limited That single fact is something I can turn
Into a positive thought
I'm tired of pretending
I'm tired of lying to fit in with myself
I'm tired of not enjoying
My own damn company
But is forced to isolate because I get tense
When company is over
I view out of my room as an obstacle
I hate when I feel alone
Because I push people away but Need that alone time just to recharge
I hate that my battery is always on low
Even if I charge it overnight
I feel bad for my shadow
And I'm not sure if that foreshadows
That I'm not a leader but a follower
I never put myself first
But like to be in 1st place
How
1 step forward 2 steps back
But the 2 steps back
Are going down a slope
The one step is taken up a hill
With legs so sore
The destination is still unknown
And if it known it is changed halfway there
I'm my own goalkeeper
Stopping my goals and complaining when others reach theirs
To myself though
Don't get it twisted
The last time I called someone out They just happened to be cutting Then I became their counselor for that one sided friendship
That was the ironic shit I was calling her out for
Using her friends
My talk is ignored but when I mumble to myself
Everyone thinks I'm having the loudest tantrum
My skin is starting to rash
I'm itching to stop the itching
The itching for change that never comes
In either me or others
Or a color change in the skies Because 6 feet under seems so heavenly to me
That is backwards
I've gotten up too many times
Risen from the grave
So to just lie there now
Wouldn't make sense to the story
I need my character
To have development
Not bipolar
YOU ARE READING
My Words Your Life
PoesíaWelcome to collection of poetry written by me If I include quotes or anything not by me, I will give full credit If you like, vote & comment & follow
