Blanket Of Stars | jensoo

to hell and back

The longest it has ever taken for the physical pain to dissipate after Jennie and I come into contact has been ninety minutes. I've been crying for almost four hours so far.

I had to leave her bedroom when her arm shifted toward me. I made it downstairs and was relieved to not have to hold every pain-filled scream or sob inside. I couldn't stand anymore and felt the solid tiles of the kitchen floor underneath as my body came into contact with them. I stopped feeling my body shake a long time ago but I can see it, I can see my upturned hand shaking so hard and I can't move it to clench it, to stop it.

Every time I think it's finally getting better, it gets worse and my back arches off the floor. Most noises are caught in my throat to keep Jennie oblivious. As careful as I was trying to be, I don't think it was enough. I can hear footsteps upstairs and I know who they belong to. They belong to the one person who for once, I don't think I want see.

Though I know I'm on the floor, I still feel like I'm going to fall over. I feel like I'm on top of the biggest cliff and I've had far too much to drink. This entire situation feels like I'm on top of the biggest cliff and I've had far too much to drink.

Jennie is in the living room and it's only a matter of seconds before she walks to the kitchen. As soon as she walks through that door she's going to make things so much worse by trying to make them better. My head makes a dull sound when it reconnects with the tiles of the floor.

I know she's on her way in here, I can feel it. My eyes are crying because my body looks as though it's shaking harder. I don't see her eyes when she focuses them on my body on the floor because I close my own. I can't stand to see her seeing me like this.

I just hear her. I hear her drop to her knees next to me and I feel her hands gently turning my face to look at her. "Jisoo," her voice is frantic and unsteady.

I don't think she knows what to do.

Even with my eyes closed I felt them roll back when her skin came into contact with mine. "Jennie, it hurts," I admit and I know those words alarm her even further because she's crying.

"Tell me what to do. I don't, I don't know." Her hands move from my face and they're holding the hand that's closest to her, the one that won't stop shaking. She's squeezing it in the way people unconsciously do when they want to give you their strength. She's squeezing it in the way that's making this cold body weaker.

"My ears hurt," I whisper to her, still holding my eyes shut. I almost want to ask her if they're bleeding.

As soon as the words leave my lips she lets go of my hand and runs to the corner of the room where I know the phone is located and is back at my side before I know it. I can open my eyes now and I see her frowning at the handset.

"What the fuck is the number?!" she asks aloud with a deep frown.

I know what she's trying to think of and they can't help me. They need an actual body to work on if they're going to attempt to fix it. "They can't help me, remember?" is what I was trying to say, I'm not sure if the words which left my lips were as coherent.

Her hands are back on my face and her thumbs are trying to dry my face. "Please tell me what to do, Jisoo. I don't know how to help you," she says frantically, grasping at my shoulders and pulling my body onto her lap.

I don't have the strength to move away. "Stop touching me," I force out.

She looks torn. "I can't."

I close my eyes at her voice. "Jennie, please."

"Jisoo...."

Something is going to happen, I just know it. Something that isn't going to be good for either of us. "You need to leave," I say as strongly as I can, which is no more than a whisper.

"No." She moves closer, pulling me tighter against her. "No, I'm not going to just leave you."

She brushes away more of my tears and leans down to kiss my face. The second her soft lips make contact with my skin I wince, involuntarily jerking my face away from her as if I've just had one side of my face blown off with a shotgun.

"You're making it worse," I whisper after a second, feeling my hot tears run down the side of my face. Her hands detach themselves from my skin but her body doesn't move. "Leave," I carry on in a whisper, barely managing to turn back to face her.

"No," she emphasises.

"Get away from me!" I scream at her. I didn't want to, but something is happening.

Jennie doesn't leave the kitchen but she does move away from me and everything stops. All the pain I felt for the past few hours has disappeared and my body relaxes. It relaxes so much I feel like I could fall right through the floor. I lie on the floor so limply that I can't even blink, I just lay there staring her in the eyes from across the room.

"Are you okay?" she asks me quickly upon seeing my body.

My mouth opens to say 'yes' until somehow everything comes back so much stronger than before. In my throat, I feel the stinging vibrations of my scream but I don't hear the sound leave my lips. Mere seconds later it's over again and I lie there on the floor, unmoving.

"Jennie?" I whisper, needing to hear her name and her voice. I'm scared.

"No, please, not again."

For a few, long seconds, I wait. "I think...I think it's over." I continue to lie still, almost afraid to move.